(Closed) How do I tell my parents that I am engaged? I am Korean, he is Caucasian

posted 6 years ago in East Asian
Post # 3
Member
3000 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I can’t believe how they reacted to your previous relationship!! Honestly, If I were in your shoes, I would tell them that you ARE going to marry this man no matter what they think. If they are having such negative opinions of him JUST because of his race, I don’t see why you would want to continue to have a relationship with them. Just my opinion, though.

Post # 5
Member
686 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

When your family becomes toxic, it’s time to cut them loose. I know it’s a culture thing, but maybe they need a wake up call.

Post # 6
Member
272 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Congratulations on your engagement!!

As a fellow Korean-American woman, I can TOTALLY understand. It’s not really a matter of putting your foot down, as our culture is very unique and ethnocentric. It seems that it’s hard for them to accept new things, especially things that are foreign to them.

However, there’s a saying that goes something like “no parent has battled with their kids and won” (or something to that effect).

I think you just have to be respectful when you broach the subject and give them time to get used to the idea of you marrying a non Korean man. Did your fiance ask for their permission before asking you, by any chance?

Over time, they will come to terms with it but in the meantime, be patient, gentle yet firm. You can be prepared for them to be dramatic but you can still hold your ground.

Post # 7
Member
3830 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Just be respectful and reinforce that once they meet him they will love him as much as you do. 

Unfortunately because of your heritage it will be an uphill battle. Good luck!

Post # 8
Member
2616 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

hugs and hope all goes smooth. as a mixed korean american girl i can see the view points..( mom is fully korean and dad is full caucasian ) so she didnt do the whole marry outside ur ethnicithy string since she did it too… i would just be honest with them and hope everyone can get along. my parents adore my new husband. they dispised my ex husband.

Post # 9
Member
1068 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Oh man. I guess I had it easier because my parents live here, so they got to know my white Fiance. My parents are Chinese and have always wanted me to date and marry a Chinese guy. When I was first going out with him, my mom made a huge stink and refused to awknowledge we were even going out. She’d try to get me to meet Chinese guys.

Eventually, after the first year, she realized this might be serious. My parents got to know my Fiance, they ended up liking him (my grandma loves him for some weird reason, despite being unable to communicate with him). Anyway, he asked my parents permission to marry me, so it wasn’t a surprise to them. Though, my mom is forever trying to convert him to Catholicism still, despite him being a non-practicing Protestant.

I would tell your parents ASAP, because then they have time to get used to the idea. They will either accept or not, but you’ll still marry him anyway. So you just have to get used to the fact that they might not accept it. :/ Just tell them straight up. 

Post # 11
Member
2616 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@rivagauche:  lol i would use the lesbian statement. that should keep them greatful of this man. plus i could see my moms face if i were to say that. midly amused..

Post # 12
Member
114 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

*Hugs*! I just want to say that I DISAGREE strongly with all the posters who say disown your parents. This is a cultural thing, and the resistance your parents will put up will be mighty (especially with them living in Korea). I think this will take a lot of time, actually… your best weapon to wear them down might be the grandkids!

However, bravo for you for finding happiness and love, and deciding not to take the easy route and leave your parents behind. I would, however, seek some counseling about the guilt and sense of fear you have when communicating with your parents and having lived your life up to this point according to their demands, because it is and will continue to affect you and your relationship in numerous ways.

Post # 14
Member
849 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

My (Chinese) hubby had the same problem, but in reverse because I’m the white divorced woman (with a kid).  He was more scared to tell his parents he was with a white woman than the previously married with kid part!

He finally just sucked it up and told them he was with an American.  It went on for a bit with his mom questioning him, telling him he should break it off, etc, etc, but he just stood firm at the “this is what I want, and I’m old enough to make my own decisions” part.  After it sunk in, they were more fine than he thought they’d be, and when I finally met them (the day before the wedding!) they were as nice as could be, and loved my son (though hubs said the kid wasn’t the problem as they were dying for grandkids).

Post # 16
Member
2616 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

where are you in the family– only child? baby ?oldest?  this also plays a part in the guilt trips they are throwing u.

 

i am the baby. ( in my siblings stand point- i could do no wrong in my parents eyes but they never really said they would dis own me because of my mistakes) my parents MOSTY MOM just yells and screams at her and then she gets over it because she realizes she and my sister will never agree on anything..she rather have sister talking with her causaly for 5 minutes every other day then no contact because how sister lives her life

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