Post # 1
Hi all! I have a big dilemma. I have five sisters and my fiancee one sister. I am having a destination wedding with about 50 guests. I never wanted a big wedding with a big wedding party. I don’t like the idea of having 6-7 bridesmaid for a small wedding of 45-50 guests. I would like to have my sister as my MOH and that’s it. How do I tell my other sisters? I was a flower girl at their weddings (was too young to be a bridesmaid) but they all had big weddings.
NOW my other big dilemma is my fiancees sister. She is his only sister, she is single and 40 years old. How would you feel if you were not invited to be a bridesmaid at your only brothers wedding? I am thinking of asking her to read two biblical passages during the ceremony and to present a small speech during the party but I don’t want her as a bridesmaid, but I want her to feel included and important. The problem is that she is already assuming she will be a bridesmaid and talking about hair styles and details if the bridesmaids dresses.
This is my day and I want the wedding to be as I planned but I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. Do you think reading a biblical passage during the ceremony and a speech during the reception would be enough for her to feel included and important? She will be sitting during the ceremony and stand up when is the time to read the passage then sit again.
The color of the wedding is navy and my maid of honor would wear navy. I was thinking of telling my sister in law to choose her own dress in navy. Please help!!!!! Thanks xoxo
Post # 3
I think that is more than enough! Many of my married friends are over being brideamids, been there done that, been the bride… so they may be relieved! I think doing a reading is even a bigger honor. Just say because I am going iwth a smaller wedding, I would like you all to be guests and enjoy!
Post # 4
- Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA
My Fiance has just 1 sister as well, and I didn’t ask her to be in my bridal party either. I did the same as you, asked her to do a reading– she was 100% ok with it.
As for your sisters… That’s a tougher one– but you’ll have to sit down with each of them individually and explain to them why you feel the way you do, and make sure they know it’s nothing personal, you just don’t feel it’s appopriate to have a huge wedding party for such a small wedding.
Post # 5
They probably will understand, especially since it’s a small wedding and you’re only having one Maid/Matron of Honor. If my sister was getting married, I know I wouldn’t want to be a bridesmaid.
I know that my sister preferred to be our reader. She got to wear what she wanted and didn’t have all the requirements of a bridesmaid. She was happy not to hang out with me and my bridesmaids.
Post # 6
I think that your FI’s sister should bouce back better than your sisters who aren’t asked… (Although that depends on personality and whether or not they were expecting to be asked.)
Asking your FI’s sister to do a reading is lovely, and encouraging her to wear the same color as your Maid/Matron of Honor is a nice gesture (but I think you should allow her to choose whether or not she would like to wear navy, since she won’t be a Bridesmaid or Best Man, you can’t dictate her dress code.)
You may also want to consider flowers (similar to MOB/MOG flowers) for the sisters & SIL who are not BMs. And certainly, consider whether or not you’d like all of them to get ready with you – if that is something you would like, let them know up front.
When I was “bumped” from Bridesmaid or Best Man duty, but still did the parties and spa day & got ready with the bride and her sister/SIL I didn’t really feel like I missed out on anything. (Plus I got to sit during the vows!)
Post # 7
With my sisters it was easy. I chose two cousins and my fiance’s daughter to be bridesmaids. Neither of my sisters minded in the least. My youngest sister didn’t have me in her wedding party, she chose her husbands daughters, and I was fine with it. My other sister didn’t want to be on “display”, so she was okay. They will, however, be a part of the wedding, if they choose, or can just enjoy the day. I don’t know my fiance’s sister that well, so there was no problem there.
I didn’t want a huge wedding party, just three female adults and the two little flower girls (they are sisters and I didn’t want one without the other). Two of my ladies are sisters, and one is the girls mother. I am grateful that my sisters really don’t mind. There is no pressure for them, so they can enjoy the festivities.
Post # 8
Give them other things to do, and find other ways to honor them.
I’m having my best friend as Maid/Matron of Honor, and that’s all. I’m not asking my SIL, whose bridesmaid I was when she and my brother married, and I’m not asking FI’s sister or SIL, both of whom I love. But they’re all getting corsages to wear, so even though they’re not standing up with me, they are sort-of part of the bridal party. (We’re doing the same thing with boutonnieres for FI’s brother and my brother, since FI’s best man is a friend).
I sent one email to both sides of the family with the low-down on everything for the wedding, including the bridal party and that we were doing corsages and bouts for siblings, and that we love them and can’t wait to celebrate with them, and when to show up where. Everyone is fine.
Post # 10
I would never expect to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man in my brother’s wedding and if a Future Sister-In-Law asked me I’d think it was really odd unless we were really close friends, especially considering you have 5 sisters.
Post # 11
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
I wasn’t a bridesmaid in my brothers’s second wedding (she had 2 attendants), and Fiance wasn’t in his sister’s wedding. We’re DIY-ing the flowers, and will probably make small nosegays for my SIL and FSIL- something small, but (I think) a nice recognition- you could do something similiar for your sisters.
You may inadvertently hurt people’s feelings- best to tell them soon, so they can get used to the idea. I agree with you- a smaller wedding calls for a smaller bridal party- hopefully everyone will understand.
Post # 12
Thank you all for your time 🙂 I feel so much better and less guilty about this now xoxo
Post # 13
I have a sister and I just didn’t mention it. She’s 22 going on 14 and a total flake. I know I can’t count on her for anything plus she would just push the extra expense off on my dad and I didn’t want to do that. Luckily Fiance is an only child.
Post # 14
I have the same issue. Aside from everything everyone has already mentioned…all I can say is…get ready for some drama. At least 1 person might act like a child about it..