- 4 years ago
- Wedding: July 2015
SO is chomping at the bit to tell people (mainly his parents) about our little bean. The problem is, to be quite frank I am embarrassed and am not looking forward to telling anyone about this.
I am very much in love with my SO. We are in our 30’s, we live together, our personalities mesh perfectly, there is a ton of family love and support for our relationship on either side and I have known that he is “the one” and that he would be an amazing father to our children.
Additionally, last year I became very scared that I may not be able to conceive, especially since I am in the over 30 age bracket and have had some reproductive issues. So, as much as I am embarrassed I also feel excited because I wasn’t sure if this could even happen.
The problem is I am sick over the fact that I am not married. We really haven’t been together long enough to be married (less than a year and his divorce has only just been finalized), which in turn means that though I feel our relationship is strong enough for a baby, I do not feel we have been together long enough to be having a baby. I am sick over the fact that I am a planner, I am traditional, and this is not the way I expected my life to go.
We have discussed my feelings and he just doesn’t understand. He is SO excited and doesn’t feel any shame in our relationship status. His opinion is that he is very in love with me, has never loved anyone or had a relationship even close to ours, we live together, he is 100% committed to me and we will eventually get married but he just can’t think about it right now because the ink isn’t even dry on his last one (understandable).
He does want to get married again-he has made that very clear. He believes that a baby needs it’s mother and father together-he has made that very clear. He has quite a few friends who have had more than one child our of wedlock and then got married 5+ years later, which he has brought up many times. So all in all, this is nowhere near as big of a deal to him as it is to me.
The thought of walking around with even a 1 year old and no wedding ring makes me feel…well..horrible. The thought of walking around 9 months pregnant without a ring makes me cry. Having to tell people at work and having them talk behind my back…having my students say “you can’t have a baby, you aren’t married!” all of it is heartbreaking to me.
So what do I do? Do I announce it like “well, I am pregnant, it wasn’t planned, but here I am and I am gonna give it a go” ?
Do I act super excited and like nothing bothers me?
Everyone will ask if it was planned…do I just say No and shrug it off? People can be so rude and nosey. SO doesn’t get it because he gets to walk around and could literally not tell a soul and no one would even know he had a baby if he didn’t want to tell them.
I am going in for my 10w scan in a few days and as long as there is a heartbeat he is ready to tell the world. UGH what is a girl to do?