(Closed) How do I tell people they’re NOT invited?!

posted 7 years ago in Reception
Post # 3
Member
4485 posts
Honey bee

It’s rude to invite someone but not their spouse. A spouse or significant other is never a plus one as they are a package deal. For some families, not inviting kids is a ticket to getting banned from future family events as they consider weddings to be family events. There is no polite way to go about what you are wanting to do because you will highly offend people, even if that is not your intention at all. If you don’t want to invite someone, you don’t mention it to anyone.

Post # 4
Member
568 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I think,  general rule of thumb is,  the hen party (batchelorette party)  is the time for the work colleagues,  but when it comes to the wedding itself, its generally accepted that the invitation goes to the person + spouse. 

I think the only way out of this is to retract the invitation altogether,  and say you have had a rethink and your wedding is now much smaller than you first planned,  OR,  invite them as  couples,  but just for the evening reception and not the whole day. just explain that its only family in the daytime,  and friends for the evening. 

Post # 6
Member
568 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Oh  they are expecting FAMILIES too?   OMG!   now i find that presumptous  TBH. 

i thought you were talking about just there partner/spouse.

*note to self……read ALL the post before replying*

retracting may be the only way out of this one now, and just say you have had a count up,  and decided to go with a smaller party after all,  for just family.  it might piss people off,  but hey ho. 

I am having the same problem, but with a family member.  we decided NOT  to invite nephews and neices,  and their kids.  we are having 25 people at our wedding and if the nephews,neices and their kids were invited it would be 60+,  which is double what we planned for financially.  but one of my neices keeps telling me she CANT WAIT  til my wedding. they have all been told its a small affair, so it either didnt sink in with her,  or she thinks that it didnt apply to her.   i will have to tell her again but its not easy is it? 

Post # 7
Member
658 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

It seems like people get WAY too offended when they’re either not invited, can’t bring a +1 or their kids aren’t invited to the wedding. It’s not about them, it’s about you.

If they already knew you were trying to keep it really small, why is it so surprising when you explain that there isn’t room for any more people?

Post # 8
Member
568 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

You COULD  also explain that kids from your family are not invited,  so you cant invite friends kids cos the family would be up in arms about that.  (rightly so too) 

Post # 9
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think it’s ok to tell them that kids/extended family is not invited. But for anyone who is engaged or married their SO needs to be invited too. Married/Engaged couples are a unit for a wedding invite purposes.

Post # 11
Member
304 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2022

@SecretBee23: I COMPLETELY AGREE WITH YOU , If someone on my guestlist is married I invited there spouse, but for those who want to bring their gf or bf, i had to put my foot down unless they were in my bridal party, i mean they sacraficed enough and if they want to bring their significant other i said ok. My one friend is single and he said he wanted a +1 i said why? you dont have a gf, he said oh ill have one by then smh

Post # 12
Member
328 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I think you should just tell them that the wedding is very small and intimate and that they (individually) are being invited because you feel close to them and would appreciate if they could come. Just say politely that you’re not extending the invitation to the rest of their family. As long as you’re polite about it and emphasize the small size, I think people will understand.

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