Post # 1
I have explained to my colleagues at work that since getting engaged, I will be having a very small wedding next year.
Last week, I sent an e mail to a few colleagues asking who thought they may be free next year for my wedding reception so I could send them a save the date. I expected a few to say they couldn’t and thankfully (for numbers) many said no. I only want them to come, not their partners, as i simply don’t have the money for a wedding full of everyone plus one.
However a few have come back to me today telling me that they and their families can come……I have not mentioned bringing families….I’m already keeping my own guest list very short (16 for the day – 26 in total by the evening). I know this is a genuine mistake and I’m actually just being a bit bridezillaesque now by being annoyed but, how do I tell them i want them to come as a group of colleagues and not as families/couples?
Argh…..I wish I’d not invited any of them!
Post # 3
It’s rude to invite someone but not their spouse. A spouse or significant other is never a plus one as they are a package deal. For some families, not inviting kids is a ticket to getting banned from future family events as they consider weddings to be family events. There is no polite way to go about what you are wanting to do because you will highly offend people, even if that is not your intention at all. If you don’t want to invite someone, you don’t mention it to anyone.
Post # 4
I think, general rule of thumb is, the hen party (batchelorette party) is the time for the work colleagues, but when it comes to the wedding itself, its generally accepted that the invitation goes to the person + spouse.
I think the only way out of this is to retract the invitation altogether, and say you have had a rethink and your wedding is now much smaller than you first planned, OR, invite them as couples, but just for the evening reception and not the whole day. just explain that its only family in the daytime, and friends for the evening.
Post # 5
I can’t believe it’s rude to want to invite people to the wedding as a group of colleagues as opposed to as couples, for the evening reception only. It was another colleague who suggested to me initially to do this! I understand that people may presume that their partner is invited but families?? I’ve never met sons/daughters before and I simply can’t afford to invite them to the wedding.
You may be right, I might have to retract invitations because I think I’m about to pi55 some people off! I never presumed people would ‘expect’ certain things.
Post # 6
Oh they are expecting FAMILIES too? OMG! now i find that presumptous TBH.
i thought you were talking about just there partner/spouse.
*note to self……read ALL the post before replying*
retracting may be the only way out of this one now, and just say you have had a count up, and decided to go with a smaller party after all, for just family. it might piss people off, but hey ho.
I am having the same problem, but with a family member. we decided NOT to invite nephews and neices, and their kids. we are having 25 people at our wedding and if the nephews,neices and their kids were invited it would be 60+, which is double what we planned for financially. but one of my neices keeps telling me she CANT WAIT til my wedding. they have all been told its a small affair, so it either didnt sink in with her, or she thinks that it didnt apply to her. i will have to tell her again but its not easy is it?
Post # 7
It seems like people get WAY too offended when they’re either not invited, can’t bring a +1 or their kids aren’t invited to the wedding. It’s not about them, it’s about you.
If they already knew you were trying to keep it really small, why is it so surprising when you explain that there isn’t room for any more people?
Post # 8
You COULD also explain that kids from your family are not invited, so you cant invite friends kids cos the family would be up in arms about that. (rightly so too)
Post # 9
I think it’s ok to tell them that kids/extended family is not invited. But for anyone who is engaged or married their SO needs to be invited too. Married/Engaged couples are a unit for a wedding invite purposes.
Post # 10
I know….we’ve also got SO’s familiy coming and are having to say their kids are not invited. I’m waiting to see how many people bring them anyway. It would be fantastic to invite anyone plus their SO’s etc but when you pay for the wedding yourself, you can’t.
It’s a shame that in order to come, people feel they need to bring their SO’s or can’t come. I would understand this if they were coming and knew noone else but when they know alot of other people there and were sitting with them anyway….I’ve been asked to go alone to weddings twice before (last June to my best friends wedding) and I never felt put out….she doesn’t yet know my Fiance so when money is tight….why should she invite him…I already had all our other friends to sit with….
…you know what…I think i’m just tight fisted lol!
Post # 11
@SecretBee23: I COMPLETELY AGREE WITH YOU , If someone on my guestlist is married I invited there spouse, but for those who want to bring their gf or bf, i had to put my foot down unless they were in my bridal party, i mean they sacraficed enough and if they want to bring their significant other i said ok. My one friend is single and he said he wanted a +1 i said why? you dont have a gf, he said oh ill have one by then smh
Post # 12
I think you should just tell them that the wedding is very small and intimate and that they (individually) are being invited because you feel close to them and would appreciate if they could come. Just say politely that you’re not extending the invitation to the rest of their family. As long as you’re polite about it and emphasize the small size, I think people will understand.