Post # 1
How do I tell my sisters and bridesmaids that I under NO circumstances want a bachelorette party, or anything of the sort? I’m very very shy and they’re all very outgoing and I know that they all really like to party, while the most “partying” I’ve done is have a middle school sleepover. I don’t really want to out and say “hey don’t throw me a party” because that seems to assume they’re going to and that’s rude? Not to mention that even thinking about what most people do at bachelorette parties makes me blush bright red. I feel like if I told them I’d much rather a night in watching Netfix would disappoint them or they’ll think I’m just being modest or something. I’d really be much happier not having any kind of fuss made over me at all but I’m not going to be that lucky. I think I’d at least be able to handle a shower better than a bachelorette party. How can I drop enough hints to make sure I at least don’t have to deal with anything from Spencers or Victoria’s Secret or anything like that? I would be absolutely mortified, especially in front of my sisters.
Post # 2
- Wedding: November 2016 - Muhlhauser Barn
I assume you have a MOH? and I also assume shes your closest friend because shes you Maid/Matron of Honor, I would definitely pull her aside and tell her exactly this. I have a friend who is just like you and I know when its her time to be a bride I will definitely speak my mind about how she wants things low key and nothing crazy because thats what SHE wants.
I think exactly how you described it to us is the perfect way to describe it to your friends to make them understand.
Post # 3
ucsadie: +1 to this
I’m exactly like this and I just told my Maid/Matron of Honor (sister) the things that were a definate no-no and then told our Mum the same thing just to make sure nothing was sneaked in. I don’t think it’s rude to speak to your Maid/Matron of Honor privately and tell her your concerns, that way she can relay this information back to the rest of the Bridesmaid or Best Man during the planning process.
Post # 4
My oldest sister is my Maid/Matron of Honor. Only two of my bridesmaids know eachother and my sister doesn’t know any of them- How would she let them all know? It’d be super embarassing talking to her about any of the shenanigans that go on at those things, we don’t talk about that kind of thing in my family and they all see me as the baby of the family who shouldn’t know about any of that stuff. Guess I’ll have to suck it up when I see her next month.
Post # 5
- Wedding: November 2016 - Muhlhauser Barn
12lawliet12: As well all know what a traditional bach party is i would just tell her “hey i dont want a traditional bach party. I want it to be like this _____” This tells her that you DONT want the dirty things that go on at a traditional party without having to spell it out for her and then you lay out exactly what you DO want. If you aren’t direct and exact with what you do or dont want then you run the risk of her guessing 😀
Post # 6
I don’t want one either 🙂 it’s not rude at all! Tell them before they have the chance to plan something though. Just say your ideal bachelorette is a night in with some pizza, wine and some good films. Just be open and honest from the start. If these people know and love you then they’ll understand where you’re coming from. They know your nature.
Post # 7
I don’t think it’s rude at all to mention to your sister and friends that you would prefer to not have a bachelorette party. Just say something the next time you are talking about wedding stuff. If they are really insistent, just say that you would prefer to have something more low key. Brides shouldn’t be planning their bachelorette parties or showers, but there’s nothing wrong at all mentioning your preferences. These are people who love and care about you, so they should take to heart your wishes.
Post # 8
12lawliet12: how old are you? it’s one thing to be shy, but you describe yourself as “the baby of the family who shoudln’t know about any of that stuff.” unless you’re literally still a teenager, you should at least be able to mention sex in front of your sisters. after all, you’re getting married – sex is kinda a big part of the whole deal. everyone knows you’re gonna have it.
it is totally fine to not want a crazy, bar hopping, penis-themed bachlorette party. you just need to tell the BMs, or at least your Maid/Matron of Honor. your Maid/Matron of Honor will figure out how to tell everyone else. i did, and i didn’t know any of my sister’s friends. one thing you learn how to do as Maid/Matron of Honor is get in touch with other people you don’t know and organize stuff.
but really, you need to grow up a little (and i mean that nicely, not snarkily) and at least be mature enough to discuss this with your sisters. they might suprise you – there’s a good chance they’re following your lead in treating you like a prude and baby beause you act like it
Post # 9
UCSadie- that sounds like a good plan
ilovesophia- I’m 21 with crippling anxiety. My sisters are both nearly a decade older than me, they moved out when I was still in grade school so they still see me as the little 9 year old who plays with stuffed animals. And in my family… Nobody talks about what happens in the bedroom. Ever. It just isn’t done. I never even got “the talk” so cue my suprise when aunt flo came to visit. My family is very.. different? modest? idk what to call it but my friend had to sit me down in the lunchroom at 15 and explain some things to me.
Post # 10
12lawliet12: Your bridesmaids or Maid/Matron of Honor should ask you what you want for a bachelorette if they are planning on throwing one for you. I wouldn’t necessarily say you don’t want one. You could give suggestions on what you would like. For example, leading up to my wedding I was on medication and couldn’t drink. So my maids planned a full day of fun for me. We had breakfast outside by the pool at one of their homes and a psychic came (I’m totally into psychics!) Then we went to my favourite spa for the afternoon which has waters and everyone hung out in the pools and did some kind of treatment. Then we all got ready together at the spa and went to an Italian restaurant for dinner. I was home, in bed by 11 p.m. And it was a lovely, low-key day with all of my favourite friends and family members.
The day was more about treating me like a queen, rather than “everybody get drunk!” If you have favourite things to do, you should suggest those. I guarentee if your maids plan a day of all of your favourites, you’ll be thrilled!