(Closed) how do I tell them without being rude?

posted 4 years ago in Parties
Post # 2
419 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2016 - Muhlhauser Barn

I assume you have a MOH?  and I also assume shes your closest friend because shes you Maid/Matron of Honor, I would definitely pull her aside and tell her exactly this. I have a friend who is just like you and I know when its her time to be a bride I will definitely speak my mind about how she wants things low key and nothing crazy because thats what SHE wants.

I think exactly how you described it to us is the perfect way to describe it to your friends to make them understand.

Good Luck!


Post # 3
142 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

ucsadie:  +1 to this

I’m exactly like this and I just told my Maid/Matron of Honor (sister) the things that were a definate no-no and then told our Mum the same thing just to make sure nothing was sneaked in. I don’t think it’s rude to speak to your Maid/Matron of Honor privately and tell her your concerns, that way she can relay this information back to the rest of the Bridesmaid or Best Man during the planning process.


Post # 5
419 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2016 - Muhlhauser Barn

12lawliet12:  As well all know what a traditional bach party is i would just tell her “hey i dont want a traditional bach party.  I want it to be like this _____”  This tells her that you DONT want the dirty things that go on at a traditional party without having to spell it out for her and then you lay out exactly what you DO want. If you aren’t direct and exact with what you do or dont want then you run the risk of her guessing 😀

Post # 6
2123 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

I don’t want one either 🙂 it’s not rude at all! Tell them before they have the chance to plan something though. Just say your ideal bachelorette is a night in with some pizza, wine and some good films. Just be open and honest from the start. If these people know and love you then they’ll understand where you’re coming from. They know your nature.

Post # 7
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

I don’t think it’s rude at all to mention to your sister and friends that you would prefer to not have a bachelorette party.  Just say something the next time you are talking about wedding stuff. If they are really insistent, just say that you would prefer to have something more low key.  Brides shouldn’t be planning their bachelorette parties or showers, but there’s nothing wrong at all mentioning your preferences.  These are people who love and care about you, so they should take to heart your wishes.  

Post # 8
2507 posts
Sugar bee

12lawliet12:  how old are you? it’s one thing to be shy, but you describe yourself as “the baby of the family who shoudln’t know about any of that stuff.” unless you’re literally still a teenager, you should at least be able to mention sex in front of your sisters. after all, you’re getting married – sex is kinda a big part of the whole deal. everyone knows you’re gonna have it.

it is totally fine to not want a crazy, bar hopping, penis-themed bachlorette party. you just need to tell the BMs, or at least your Maid/Matron of Honor. your Maid/Matron of Honor will figure out how to tell everyone else. i did, and i didn’t know any of my sister’s friends. one thing you learn how to do as Maid/Matron of Honor is get in touch with other people you don’t know and organize stuff.

but really, you need to grow up a little (and i mean that nicely, not snarkily) and at least be mature enough to discuss this with your sisters. they might suprise you – there’s a good chance they’re following your lead in treating you like a prude and baby beause you act like it

Post # 10
1112 posts
Bumble bee

12lawliet12:  Your bridesmaids or Maid/Matron of Honor should ask you what you want for a bachelorette if they are planning on throwing one for you. I wouldn’t necessarily say you don’t want one. You could give suggestions on what you would like. For example, leading up to my wedding I was on medication and couldn’t drink. So my maids planned a full day of fun for me. We had breakfast outside by the pool at one of their homes and a psychic came (I’m totally into psychics!) Then we went to my favourite spa for the afternoon which has waters and everyone hung out in the pools and did some kind of treatment. Then we all got ready together at the spa and went to an Italian restaurant for dinner. I was home, in bed by 11 p.m. And it was a lovely, low-key day with all of my favourite friends and family members.

The day was more about treating me like a queen, rather than “everybody get drunk!” If you have favourite things to do, you should suggest those. I guarentee if your maids plan a day of all of your favourites, you’ll be thrilled!

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