(Closed) how do i unbridesmaid someone

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
2063 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

The easiest answer is that the wedding party is “family only.” But, if its not, just tell her that you would like her to do (fill in the blank) in the wedding. When its not being a bridesmaid, she will understand. If she presses the issue or confronts you, then just explain your reasoning to her. 

Post # 4
Member
21 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2012

are you having other bridesmaids?if so are the friends or family?

Post # 6
Member
21 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2012

its difficult but you may have to just bring up the subject and if she has a problem just tell her the truth..dont think of it as ‘unbridesmaiding’ as she was never 1 in the first place!you may find if you just casually mention whoyou are having she will have a think and not be confrontational!im sure if you explain that these choices are very difficult but that the day is to celebrate your love with your h2b and not your past friendships she cant really say anything…make sure you enjoy the experiance and your bridesmaids and try not to spend too much time worrying about it!if i were her id just feel silly for assuming something like that in the first placex

Post # 7
Member
412 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I had a similar situation (except I hadn’t known the girl for as long) and she assumed she was in my wedding.  It got pretty nasty when I told her she wasn’t, but in the end, that kind of showed her true colors anyway.  I agree with PPs, you can ask her to do a reading or something else so she still feels like she’s an important part of the day, I just want you to be prepared that not all people deal with stuff like that well!

Post # 8
Member
399 posts
Helper bee

I’m confused as to why Jane would think she is in your wedding at all…. You only said that her mom said something to your mom. If it were me, I would not even address it at this point. Your wedding date is seven months away. If it hasn’t come up yet, she must know she’s not a Bridesmaid or Best Man. When my friends and family have gotten engaged, if they haven’t asked me within a couple of months of being engaged, I assume I’m not getting asked. And that’s people I see much more often than u indicate u have seen Jane. Maybe I am missing some of the story? No one shouldsever ASSUME they are in your wedding. Even though u talked about it as kids. I’m sure you talked about all kinds of other stuff that never materialized right?

Post # 8
Member
399 posts
Helper bee

I’m confused as to why Jane would think she is in your wedding at all…. You only said that her mom said something to your mom. If it were me, I would not even address it at this point. Your wedding date is seven months away. If it hasn’t come up yet, she must know she’s not a Bridesmaid or Best Man. When my friends and family have gotten engaged, if they haven’t asked me within a couple of months of being engaged, I assume I’m not getting asked. And that’s people I see much more often than u indicate u have seen Jane. Maybe I am missing some of the story? No one shouldsever ASSUME they are in your wedding. Even though u talked about it as kids. I’m sure you talked about all kinds of other stuff that never materialized right?

Post # 9
Member
1104 posts
Bumble bee

If she thinks she’s in your wedding I think that’s her problem, not yours. You haven’t asked her, so you don’t have to worry about “unasking” her. Plus, it’s possible she doesn’t think that, but her mother does? As in, her mother may not realise you guys aren’t as close now as you used to be. I would just continue on your merry way and try not to worry about it 🙂

Post # 10
Member
85 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

That’s going to be tricky. But i’m sure she realizes that you guys have grown apart over the years. I agree with bee aliavenue. Family only is always a safe bet. Just let her know your cutting the budget and unfortunatley her too. If she’s a true friend she will understand.

Post # 11
Member
8369 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@Ms Rocky Point:  I agree

If she deos bring it up on the rare occassion that you see each other I would be honest and say that you don’t currently feel your relationship is close enough for that but you hope over time you guys can get it back (or something like that).

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