How do in-laws treat you for Christmas?

posted 8 months ago in Holidays
Post # 2
Member
5185 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

I don’t understand why you have included that they “aren’t giving you a dime” for your wedding, that seems pretty irrelevant imo.

The fact that you have stated that you would happily accept a gift card says that you don’t feel uncomfortable getting a gift but that you want to dictate the gift.

At the end of be day you probably won’t be able to change how your in-laws do presents. You can tell them it’s too much or that they don’t have to but maybe they are happy to spend their time looking for things they think you will like.  

I don’t see why things would change after your are married, why do you think it might?

Post # 3
Member
3740 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

My parents are your future inlaws. My husband was also shocked when he first learned how over the top they go for Christmas. It doesn’t matter how often I ask my mom to scale back, she just really enjoys buying gifts for people. Like your inlaws, the gifts range from stocking stuffer size to larger items. I would just continue to be gracious. It probably would really hurt her feelings if you ask her to stop completely. Some people show their love by buying gifts and might not know how to otherwise. You could always donate the gifts to women’s shelters if you feel they’re too much. 

Post # 5
Member
2552 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Be grateful for the gifts and move on. You can’t dictate what people give you. And also not sure why the wedding thing was added in there at the end, as it doesn’t seem relevant…

Post # 6
Member
2552 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

megm1099 :  

since they invited double the people they said they would 

and you allowed them to? I don’t see how being passive aggresive towards christmas gifts is going to change that. You could have told them that you’re unable to accomodate double the people. 

Post # 7
Member
710 posts
Busy bee

I think you just need to accept their generosity and leave it at that.

 

My in-laws are similiar, they make me a stocking every year (heck my Mother-In-Law even knit the stocking! She even knit a stocking for my puppy for this year), they spoil me rotten. She’ll get me house stuff, kitchen stuff, expensive fiber and yarn (i’m a knitter), teas, chocolates, bath things, etc. She loves to spoil me and honestly I think she would be really disappointed if I said “hey, please just get me a card next year, this is too much”. She loves going out and picking out things she knows i’ll love and I don’t want to take that away from her. 

 

ETA it has NOTHING to do with your wedding and what they are/arent spending on it… Absolutely nothing.

Post # 9
Member
1561 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2019 - City, State

My Future Mother-In-Law goes over the top for Christmas too. The first Christmas I was dating my now fiance, she gave me a Coach bag. I had no idea how to even react. I don’t have anything designer, I don’t wear desgner anything…I didn’t know what the hell to do with a Coach bag.

As we continued dating and got more serious, she just kept getting more and more over the top. She’s now to the point where she makes a point to spend just as much on me each Christmas as all of her actual kids. 

I had to accept that that’s just how she is. She now asks for a list from me for what I want, so that has helped make her over the top gift giving more helpful and not just a bunch of random and expensive items. I highly doubt she will change once we get married, in fact she might just get even worse. 

It’s one of those things that you just have to accept. It’s just how she is, I doubt she means anything negative by it. Does she ask you what you want? Maybe try to stear her in a more practical direction?

Post # 10
Member
5185 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

The children being overloaded with presents is really a non issue, you aren’t even pregnant so I wouldn’t stress about something that is so far off.

At the end of the day you agreed for them to invite people to the wedding, that was still in your control and it doesn’t mean they owe you cash. Most couples pay for their own wedding, you clearly need to get over your resentment for having to pay for a party you are throwing. Don’t label this as them not supporting you and your wedding, that really isn’t fair or the case.

megm1099 :  

Post # 12
Member
2070 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Honestly, $300 worth of gifts for Christmas hardly seems over-the-top extravagent. And tt doesn’t seem like the gifts are inappropriate (although they may not quite hit the mark every time). I really think it would be hurtful to tell them to keep their stinkin’ gifts to themselves (not that you would put it that way). Keep what you like and donate the rest and try to see it as their way of telling you how much you mean to them.

Post # 14
Member
2070 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

“She never does ask what I want!”

See, this is why everyone in my DH’s family does a Christmas list every year. It really benefits everyone. I don’t want to get my SILs things they don’t want, but we all enjoy gift-giving and want to continue doing it, so the lists really help.

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