(Closed) How do non-invitees “understand” how small the wedding is?

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
81 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Oh I am interested to hear what the bees have to say about this – I am also having around 100 people at my wedding and due to a large family I am unable to invite a lot of friends and even not all my family and have choosen to invite family members that I have or had a good connection with and cousins that I haven’t seen or never had that connection with to leave out and I too am curious about the fall out.  I have tried to spread the word that it is small and the venue can only hold x number of people so that they sort of understand…..

Post # 4
1482 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Here’s the thing:  most people would understand if you were having a small wedding and they didn’t get invited.  Fiance didn’t get invited to his friend’s wedding last year, but the bride was only allowed to invite like, 10 friends so it was completely understandable.  I think if this girl is going to think you’re “uncool” for not inviting her to your wedding, then that’s very immature.  Why would you want to be friends with someone who would be so petty?

There’s nothing wrong with being very upfront and honest about the fact that you are having a very small wedding with only family and close friends.  I think that MOST people hearing that would completely understand if you weren’t able to invite them.

Post # 5
818 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I invited about 40 people, and we just told others that as much as we love them and while we wish that they would be able to come, we just couldn’t invite everybody that we wanted to.  People seemed to understand this.

Post # 6
1565 posts
Bumble bee

Well, I don’t think that its the guest’s job to find out – it’s your job to tell them. We were very careful to broadcast the fact that it’s a small wedding to everyone and anyone. Even if you just talk to the person occasionally, you can slip in the fact that it’s a small wedding when you’re already discussing the topic. This is easiest the very first time they ask you about it (When, Where, etc) But even if you missed that window of opportunity, any wedding-related comment from the non-invitee can be your cue. “How’s wedding planning going?” “Not too stressful, actually – I’m glad we decided to keep it very small because that definitely makes it more manageable”


Post # 7
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I think with any wedding you are going to come across an acquaintance that ‘feels’ they are closer to you than you feel you are with them.  That’s just the reality of it.  However, the fact that you don’t really want her at your wedding should speak volumes to the reality of your relationship with her.  If you decide not to invite her, and you don’t really see her all that often, you won’t get the opportunity to drop into conversation that you are having a small wedding/you wish you could invite everyone, but are limited on budget, etc.  And, if she really wants to hold a grudge, there is nothing you can do about it.  Just keep it simple. 

I just talked to a distant cousin who is getting married before me.  He said he wished he could invite everyone, but they are keeping it small.  I’m inviting him to my wedding and totally understand where he is coming from.  I know we are not close and because of that would not expect to be invited.  And, even if we were, you have to take what the person says at their word.  How the uninvited people handle this information is up to them and totally out of your control.

Good luck!  (it does get easier the more times you have to do it!)

Post # 9
518 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

We are also having a small(ish) wedding with about 120 of our closest family members and a few friends. I know that doesn’t sound small, but we consider it small because there are so many people who we could not invite. I know that some feel snubbed and forgotten, but a lot have just asked or hinted at asking, ie, “So you did set a date? Have invitations gone out? Oh….realllly?” And then I just politely tell them what Maisymay said, As much as we love them and wish they could be there, we simply could not invite everyone who we wanted to so we are having a close family ceremony and reception. I think that she would understand if she knew you were having a small wedding, as far as how she would know that, if you did ever talk to her, it would come up casually or do you have mutual friends that could drop it in to a convo?

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