- 1 year ago
- Wedding: June 2017
I am Chinese Australian and my husband is Ukrainian and I married him last year. (He did not marry me for citizenship as he had residency in Australia already from his uncle who had settled here earlier).
My husband’s family came from Ukraine for the wedding (his mum and 2 younger sisters). They came for 3 months. They lived with us in a small two bedroom apartment for 1 month and the other 2 months they lived with my husbands uncle and his family. I had a short honeymoon of about 1 week due to they being in Australia.
Both my husband’s sisters one who is 24 and one 29 are both unemployed even though they have university degrees (they never had a 9-5 job). The middle sister went to China to work as a ‘karaoke girl’ aka ‘model’ which is basically entertaining guests while they drink, she overstayed her visa in China and got caught by police before being returned back to Ukraine. My husband’s father is apparently an alcoholic and my husband is estranged from him. The father lives with the mum and sisters in Ukraine (I have never met the father on Skype or in person). His father still talks to the mum and sisters but my husband does not talk to him. When I ask him about his father he does not really want to talk about it. I asked what his father did to him and he does not want to say (but it is not sexual abuse or physical hitting).
My parents gave him a gift to give to his father so that his mum and sisters can bring it back to Ukraine to give to his father. They tried to give my husband this gift and my husband got annoyed and stand offish when this happened. I felt upset after this incident as my parents had good intentions yet he acted rude (even though it may have been a sensitive topic).
The sisters both when living in our apartment, woke up at 10 – 11 am daily and their mum did most of the work (some cooking) while they just relaxed. They both seem a bit immature. During their visit to Australia for my wedding, the middle sister joined an RSVP dating site and was meeting up with different guys in Sydney as she stayed here for 3 months. My understanding was she had a boyfriend in Ukraine. Once when I came home, she was not there (everyone else was having dinner) and apparently she had not told anyone where she was going and actually went out to meet with some guy and came back late. After she came back no one asked any questions of her as if nothing happened. On other occasions, we as a family were watching a movie and suddenly she disappears and comes out all dressed up and then goes out partying with a friend she met. She then comes home at 3 am and next day did not come with us to a family thing to the beach next morning because she is hung over. I understand she is adult so I guess she can do what she likes but I found her behaviour immature and rude, almost like a teenager or early 20s but she is only 1 year younger than me at 29. I guess I have a different personality than her and am more of the mature type since young, I hardly drink, never go partying and am pretty sensible.
I am worried that when I am pregnant my husbands mum might ask him to let his sister come to Sydney to live with us and be act as a ‘babysitter’ for us. I feel like this would be a very bad situation because instead of looking after our child, she would be partying and not doing any housework and I would have another child on my hands (even though she is one year younger than me at 29). In the past there were suggestions that the middle sister come to sydney and babysit for his uncle, but it never came to fruition. I am worried that the mum might suggest this to my husband if I am pregnant in the future. My husband is not very fond of his sister as she didnt listen to him when she was a child and was stubborn but she is still his sister so may be he would find it hard to say no.
Another thing I am worried about is as she does not have a job in Ukraine and never have had to work in all her years, how could she survive in Australia. Many immigrants come here and work really hard and take on low jobs like cleaning, housework etc. I know for a fact she will not do any of those types of jobs as she mentioned it is not for her. So if she wants to come to Australia so much what will she actually do? That makes me extremely worried. She also does not seem very mature for her age and quite stubborn and her mum appeared quite lenient.
I recently got in contact with her ex boyfriend on facebook to get an understanding of what she is like as I do not know her much and my husband is quite tight lipped person in general (an introvert and also not wanting to say too much about his family). The ex boyfriend said that she never told him she was a ‘karoake girl’ in China and also that she said that he should rent her an apartment in Jordan (where he lived). The ex boyfriend I found was quite mature and that it was her immaturity and drinking that led to them breaking up. He asked her not to drink much or post too many suggestive photos on facebook.
I have worked 6 days a week (a full time and partime job) for 10 years and contribute more than 20k than my husband to the household. Further more my parents have lent me money to purchase our house and I paid 80k more than my husband for our house purchased.
My constant thinking of her behaviour and ancitipation of what might happen in the future is causing me to be upset and depressed and not have motivation to do anything.
How do others feel about my sister in law’s behaviour? How should i deal with this?