(Closed) How do others feel about my sister in law's behaviour? How should i deal with it

posted 1 year ago in Family
Post # 61
Member
733 posts
Busy bee

Where do I start…

Why are you thinking about your sil so much to the point that it’s making you anxious/depressed/unable to find motivation to do anything? Your reaction is totally out of proportion to what you’re sil has done. 

I would seriously seek therapy to get to the bottom of this. 

Stop digging and contacting her ex on Facebook. If you don’t want her to live with you, talk to your husband. She can’t invade your house. If you say she can’t stay, she will need to make other arrangements. But this situation is a creation of your imagination, so it’s really nothing to get too worked up over.

Post # 62
Member
3038 posts
Sugar bee

lilly1 :  you found her ex-boyfriend on facebook????

wtf? Stalker alert! You can justify it any way that you like, but that is weird dude. It really isn’t cool to be sharing stuff about her to him. 

No one has even suggested at this point that she come be your live-in baby sitter. You are anticipating this and worrying for nothing. And guess what? if the time comes, you say no. You tell your mother in law and sister in law, thanks but no thanks.

 I would be annoyed if she stayed with me and went out partying all the time instead of family stuff etc. But whatever its her life and you dont have to let her live it there.

end of story.

Post # 63
Member
705 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012 - Iowa

 Sorry, this is the strangest thing i’ve ever seen. I feel like if she lived with you for a month you should’ve have tried to get to know her well then, vs. reaching out to ex boyfriends. And why in the world should she tell an ex anything at all?

And you’re worrying about a lot of hypotheticals. Stop. Live in the now and stop stressing about ‘what ifs’ and what ‘might’ happen in the future.

Her lifestyle is different than yours and that is 100% okay. If you don’t want her babysitting in the future, say so at the time, it sounds like your husband would be fine with that anyways since he’s not super close to them. End of story. BUT, you’re also judging her based on how she acted while on vacation, with her mother. There is a high chance she is completely different out on her own/when she would be responsible for a child and getting paid to babysit. If you did take advantage of her as a babysitter, just lay out a strict set of ground rules as to what will be expected. If she can’t meet those, than she’s out.

Post # 64
Member
1505 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

lilly1 :  “You are lucky your husband communicates well. What if you asked things and he is often tight lipped? My family revealed everything to him , all our business, I hardly know one thing of him.”

Why did you marry him…?

Post # 65
Member
3269 posts
Sugar bee

Why are you considering having a child with a man you don’t know well and cannot communicate with? 

Btw, you know nothing about her ex. Who knows whether your revelation to him could have put her in danger. Just stop.

Get therapy. Discuss your concerns (about supporting her, not her personal life) with YOUR husband. Don’t get pregnant until you have a solid marriage.

Post # 66
Member
1011 posts
Bumble bee

As others have said, you should seek professional help to work through this weird obsession you have with her.

Post # 67
Member
12 posts
Newbee

Deleted for violation of TOS 

 

Post # 68
Hostess
3177 posts
Sugar bee

I think the OP has gotten all the helpful advice she’s going to get, the same as she’s gotten on previous threads about this topic. I’m closing this now.

Post # 69
Member
340 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

lilly1 :  You really need to chill out.  

I had to think about my wills recently and had a discussion with my husband on who would care for our children if we both were to pass before they reached their adulthood.  We had different opinions on who we wanted as a guardian… and you know what we did?  We presented our cases, gave each other time think about our choices and concerns, and agreed upon a choice.  If either side of our family disagreed then we would address it then.  But otherwise we didn’t pondered anymore than needed or find out shitty stuff about people just to feel like our choices are justified.  We knew we had each other’s back.

So my suggestion to you is talk to your husband, make sure you two are on the same page and then leave it as that.  If the situation comes up then address it together.  If you think he’s gonna break under pressure from his family then you are focusing on the wrong thing.  If you know he has your back then you seriously need to address your root issue with the SIL because it really is sad to negatively think about someone all the time.  

And lastly, I remember your previous posts.  One being your SIL getting upset with you about your posts of Ukraine women.  Personally, if I was her I wouldn’t even offer my time and service to someone who make general negative comments about a group of people as a whole – especially if I was part of that group.  I wouldn’t want to live or see the person who has such negative views about me because I respect myself enough to avoid people who look down at me.

Post # 71
Member
456 posts
Helper bee

elphya :  but I still haven’t met an Ukrainian or Moldavian girl willing to work 9to5 and not suck d**k for a living 

I have.  Stop hanging out with hookers.

Post # 72
Member
12 posts
Newbee

hampsterdance :  not hanging out with them. They are coming to my country for a “better” living. And they offer themselves up in the center of the city, even to couples.

 

Pathetic…

Post # 73
Member
3563 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

lilly1 :  i also remember your previous posts and the super offensive, culturally stereotypes articles you sent to your sister in law. I highly doubt that she has any desire to come live with you seeing as how you’ve made what you think of her perfectly clear. 

The topic ‘How do others feel about my sister in law's behaviour? How should i deal with it’ is closed to new replies.

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