(Closed) How do people deal with FMIL and wedding planning?

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 2
98 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

MissPhish:  If it is only the first time you’ve seen her since the engagement, perhaps she is just in a temporary overdrive from the excitement of it! But since you’re so early on, I think you and Fiance could talk, and let Future Mother-In-Law know that while you appreciate all her input, it would be much more helpful for her to be open to your preferences. When she suggest something “Thanks for looking into it, but Fiance and I would like to think about it/ but Fiance and i are doing X instead.” It doesn’t sound like she is paying for everything, so I’d say if she can’t hold off on doing that after your talk with her, I’d kindly say “thank you for your offer to help, but I think Fiance and I are going to take it from here. We’ll be sure to fill you in as our decisions are made!” and not accept $ from her ifit means she’ll take over. You can let the venue/coordinator/caterer, etc. know that Future Mother-In-Law is not to make decisions for you.

Post # 4
424 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016 - Our Castle


MissPhish:  I think by just reading your post that she is excited.. the first time seeing you since you got engaged she would have been thinking of many things and had a brainstorm/fart at you.. Ask her if you could go with her? “lets do it together” I think she is excited and you might need to show her on a ideas bord or something what your thinking of.. ideas can be different and you dont want to turn her positive  attitude into a negative one.. Embrace it and maybe just try and make it work for you..

What exactly was she determined to buy?

Post # 6
1150 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

MissPhish:  Hmm it sounds to me like a mixture of excitment and maybe a little pushiness.. my mums super excited about our wedding but she’s never tried to take over!

I think you and your Fiance just need to have a chat to her next time and say you really appreciate and love how excited she is, but you’ve discussed what your wishes are for your wedding day and this is what you’re going to do, and if she wants to help with that, that’s great!

Hopefully it is just coming from a loving place but at the same time you don’t want it becoming all about what she wants!

Post # 7
424 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016 - Our Castle

Is she Paying for these things she wishes to buy? and you are planning to pay for the wedding yourselves?

If yes then let her do it? So she wants to get napkins etc, just get them in the colours you want?, So she wants to buy extra wine? more the merryer.. Expensive cake from interstate? will she get the design you want?..

I am paying for my wedding by myself and im being frugal but for example my Future Mother-In-Law insists that she wants to pay for the catering and i say if she really wants to then let her? (she started saving since we got engaged and she decided she wanted to pay for something and contribute to her son’s wedding) We choose what we want tho.. My Mother hasnt even asked me about plans? let alone offered any assistance at all..

As long as she isnt ordering things for you to pay for then dont worry to much! Just make sure you like the things she gets (choose colour and design?)

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