How do political differences impact your friendships?- a tale of two friends

posted 2 months ago in The Lounge
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  • Post # 2
    Member
    2914 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2018

    bookishbee90 :  Feminism is unfair to men…? Wtf does that mean?

     

    I would find it really, really hard to maintain a friendship if I was in this scenario. I just don’t think I could do it.

    ETA the majority of my friends have the same feelings towards religion/politics so it’s never really been an issue for us but my very best friend voted for Trump which was kind of a shock but I didn’t think too much of it because ultimately it’s her choice and she is not the sterotypical obnoxious Trump supporter. If she was, I would not continue my friendship with her.

    I think it’s fine to have opposing views but your friend sounds really, really extreme with her views and I wouldn’t want to have a friend like that. That is obviously just my personal feelings toward the whole situation.

    Post # 3
    Member
    783 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2016 - Wedgewood Las Vegas

    I very much could be your friend (aside from being Catholic). I am white, conservative, religious, and successful in my field.

    Despite my conservative views, I’ve always had friends who have had different political leanings than I have. It was never really an issue in the past. Occasionally we’d have some debates on hot button topics, but I always felt they were respectful, and not attacking. They were based on logic and facts. More often than not, I’d feel like I learned something afterwards.

    However, now, political discussions are just excuses to attack someone else about their beliefs, and make blatantly false claims against them. Just look at this site. Anytime a hot button topic is discussed, there are plenty of posts calling for violence against conservatives, name calling, bullying, etc, towards anyone with a different viewpoint.  

    Since I’ve been  in your friend’s shoes, I’d say it is very likely she feels that she is being attacked every time you guys try to have a political discussion. It may be how you guys have your discussions, or it could just be due to the political atmosphere at the moment.

    If you value this friendship, I’d recommend just focusing on non-political things you have in common. Seems like you guys have a strong friendship anyways. Two of my closest friends have different political beliefs, and yet we always seem to have a good time hanging out, traveling, etc.

    Post # 4
    Member
    818 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2019

    So Im very political. I follow it daily and care passionately about a range of issues.

    I have friends from all across the spectrum. Some of them I just dont talk politics with. Others I know I can have a healthy debate with, and some see the world as I do.

    I do draw a line at hate/ignorance so if someone was constantly spouting hateful and ignorant things I would probably confront them and we likely would not be friends anymore.

    Post # 5
    Member
    2914 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2018

    steny03 :  This goes both ways, OP could easily feel attacked by her friend as well. Conservatives do just as much “attacking” as anyone else.

    If I had someone telling me how terrible abortion was and comparing it to murdering someone I would be deeply offended since I have had an abortion.

    Post # 6
    Member
    783 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2016 - Wedgewood Las Vegas

    futuremrs2020 :  Which is why I stated “It could be how you guys have your discussions”. It goes both ways. We don’t know the wording that was used, or how heated their discussions can get. How something is phrased changes the tone, and can go from inquiring to accusing, even if it wasn’t meant that way.

    Post # 7
    Member
    930 posts
    Busy bee

    bookishbee90 :  if youre not a feminist or for feminism, then you’re pretty much a mysoginist. that word: fenisim carries bad connotations now…people think its a specific group of women wanting to be more powerful then men, or constantly complaingn etc…its literally equal rights for women. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    2125 posts
    Buzzing bee

    bookishbee90 :  I refuse to remain friends with someone who is:

    a.) actively voting to oppress my rights as a woman/human being 

    b.) willfully ignorant to the negative impact of their toxic beliefs 

    c.) considers post-women’s sufferage/post-civil rights-era America as “the good old days”

    d.) doesn’t care about harming other people just for the sake of upholding their own self-righteous traditionalist views (ex: loose gun regulations, anti-LGBTQ, pro-“build the wall”, etc.)

     

    if that makes me an “intolerant liberal”, I guess I fucking am. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    2580 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2018

    steny03 :  ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘ 

    Just look at this site. Anytime a hot button topic is discussed, there are plenty of posts calling for violence against conservatives, name calling, bullying, etc, towards anyone with a different viewpoint.  

    1,000% true!!! It’s horrific.

    Post # 10
    Member
    2125 posts
    Buzzing bee

    mrsaime :  perhaps that is the case because conservatives actively wish to strip liberties away from everyone who doesn’t fit your ideal of what is righteous. but I won’t go there with you today…you’ve had enough over the past couple of posts ๐Ÿ™‚

    Post # 11
    Member
    7287 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    happiekrappie :  this!

    I can have lively debates about different political topics and stay friends with them but debating economic policy is very different than civil liberties. I refuse to waste time on willfully ignorant or intolerant people. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    6359 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2015

    bookishbee90 :  I gave up reading as it got rather long but I’m coming away with two things: 1) it’s okay if your relationship drifts apart. Aside from the political stuff, which is very polarizing these days, you just don’t seem to have anything in common anymore. It happens.  2) It’s important to remember that even though you wildly disagree with her beliefs, she’s a good person at heart – you wouldn’t have liked her in the first place otherwise.  There’s a common theme these days that if you think this or vote that, you are automatically a very bad (right) or crazy (left) person and it’s just nonsense.  Far too black and white for reality. 

    My best friend and I are opposites, though both more moderate than the things you tend to hear in the news that skew too far left or right because it’s more exciting or horrifying. Sometimes she bitches about things that I have no problem with and I just let her vent and don’t give a comeback unless she needs correcting.  Some of those arguments are decades old, not recent.  She doesn’t understand why anyone wants/needs a gun even though her own dad is a hobbyist.  I don’t understand how she was okay with Obamacare even though it resulted in her no longer being able to afford her own (or her children’s) health insurance, when via taxes she was paying for someone else’s instead.  But in the end, she’s not insane and I’m not an asshole (despite what some bees here think of me).  We just have some differing values but about 30 years of friendship can easily get beyond that.  And it’s healthy to be challenged in your ideas, even if it leaves you frustrated.

    hashtag not all conservatives….

    Post # 13
    Member
    765 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2019

    bookishbee90 :  it sounds like this is the type of friendship where you are just going to have to stay away from political conversation for it to last. You also mention how she is so protective of her family for being trump supporters but seems to not be protective of her own matron of honor\ best friend’s belief I would ask her point blank why she is protective of other peoples political beliefs and not her own best friend. You should be just as important…

    Post # 14
    Member
    765 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2019

    LilliV :  umm how? So people can have different opinions on economic/fiscal politics but not on social issues? Same difference both are politically driven differences of opinion

    Post # 15
    Member
    2632 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2017

    bookishbee90 :  you avoid these topics.  You let her be her, and you be you.  You acknowledge that you’re both fallible and prejudiced in your own opinions.  Neither one of you is 100% “right” or 100% “wrong”. You remain respectful and acknowledge that you’re both entitled to your own opinions…

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