Post # 46
Honestly, I get that this meant with good intention but it comes off so insincere. The mothers do it because they have to or because there’s no other choice for them or their situation. It would be like asking someone who lives with no heat, AC, water, or electricity in an undeveloped country how they manage to do it followed by bringing up all the luxuries you have.
Some mothers manage to pump at work. Some mothers can’t and have to stick to formula. Some couples get lucky with family to have free daycare. Some families don’t and juggle the costs or weigh it against staying home if the cost is too great. Some have no option but to return as being out of the field for too long impacts them later. Some have no choice but to return to help manage finances because two incomes are needed. While the stories all differ (and I get asking people to share their stories in a better way), it all remains the same that, for mothers who wish they had more time but didn’t, they returned because they had to and they made it work because they had to.
All people adjust to the circumstances they’re given to survive or to see their families survive.
Post # 47
At my previous job (sales manager), I was only granted 6 weeks of non-paid maternity leave. It was terrible and heartbreaking and awful.
I was extremely lucky, as my mother watched my son while I was at work. I exclusively breastfed, so I pumped at work in my office and she would bring him in on my lunch hour everyday for me to breastfeed. I missed many milestones, and honestly, it still upsets me when I think about it 8 years later.
Post # 48
Twizbe : I know what you mean. I wonder how UK and other bees with national health care do it!. How they can stand sometimes waiting for days/weeks/months for medical tests/see a doctor/surgery especially if it’s their Child/baby…. Someone else deciding type of/when/even if! you or your family will get medical treatment. Must be very difficult.
ALL countries have issues. US moms have challenges too, they have to plan their leave in advance and save their money if their income is essential…
Post # 49
mrstodd2bee : Are you trying to imply that the healthcare in the US is better than the UK? Because okay
Edited to add ‘Someone else deciding type of/when/even if you or your family will get treatment’ You do realise that’s not how it works right?
Post # 51
my company gives you 30 days maternity leave. Lets just say ill be finding a new job when i get pregnant. I think its sad that some companies regardless of what the job is dont give a sh*t about pregnant women.
Post # 52
mrstodd2bee : You’re going to get heat for this, but I totally agree. Is the US healthcare system perfect? Definitely not and its REALLY bad right now, but I am very thankful that I have so much control over my own health and can see a doctor or even a specialist whenever the hell I feel I should.
Post # 53
mrstodd2bee : that’s not really the case with the NHS – waiting lists are for non urgent matters. Also with our system they don’t do unnecessary tests / interventions
anyway – I didn’t mean to cause offence I was genuinely interested in how you got up and out in the morning. The other day I had an appointment at 10am (only 15 mins away) it is was such a nightmare getting me up, feeding the baby, cleaning and clothing him, feeding him again. If there were any tips that would be great.
im lucky that the two years we spent trying to get pregnant meant that we have enough saved up that I don’t have to worry about the drop in pay.
Post # 54
mrstodd2bee : lol what? That’s not a thing.
Post # 55
This is the main reason I chose not to have a career and picked a job. I get slammed a lot here for being a lowly Food Service Worker/Dietary Aide, but I always secretly smile to myself when I read those comments. Some women are paying for childcare while I’m at the gym, waiting to pick up future little one. The hours are perfect for school (10-3), I get benefits, free food, it’s relatively stressfree and I have oodles of time to do whatever the fuck I want. Half the time I’m using the kitchen to prep meals for my house. I make enough money to cover mortgage and a bill or two which is fine by me. Gives me time for my husband and future family. I believe in working smarter, not harder.
This isn’t meant to be condescending so relax to those bees who take it that way. I’m not born of privelege. My sitation is a result of making a lot of decisions BEFORE I was even put in a place to TTC. We’ve given up a fair bit in order to have this dynamic. We’re not penny pinching or anything and our entertainment budget is high, but we live modestly in almost every other area. I was also VERY clear when I first met Darling Husband that I would not have children if he was not OK with be being a PT Stay-At-Home Mom. I think this conversation is so important from the get go.
I am in awe, however, at the women who work FT and take care of children. My response is by no means a knock at their choices, I just woudn’t want to live like that the same way a lot of career minded women couldn’t imagine themselves serving Jello to seniors. I respect those who do it, though, for sure… That respect just doesn’t seemt o go both ways. It definitely explains why a lot of women quit their jobs after baby.
You gotta do what you gotta do.
Post # 56
Twizbe : We do it with a lot of tears, pain, heartache, and sadness, but we do it. (Especially if we’re working moms).
Post # 57
This topic tends to go one of two directions… 1) political – about how the govt should treat women/moms or 2) Mom-shaming – pointing out how bad this is for you and your baby, how you could never do it. I have personal opinions AGAINST extended maternity leave or being a Stay-At-Home Mom mom but chose not to vocalize them to others because it’s their choice.
I’m very fortunate to work for a company that will give me 10-12 weeks maternity leave (10 wks for vaginal delivery, 12 for a c-section) at 100% pay. I also work from home and have a bit of flexibility in my job. Not the best in the world, but better than most of my friends.
I know my maternity leave will fly by and I’m sure it’ll be hard the first week especially. But I also have no desiret to be a Stay-At-Home Mom. I find working from home to be difficult and depressing at times and don’t think being home with a baby would fulfill my need for social interaction. I also plan on using day care vs an in home nanny/baby sitter because I know myself enough to know I need some separation from the baby in order to work. I’m sure some here are appalled to read such a statement but I know what want and it doesn’t mean I want to be a mother less than someone who couldn’t imagine leaving them as early as 6 months let alone a year.
Bottom line is we deal with it. OP might not know how to manage to get up and ready for work/day care but it all comes down to what’s needed. OP might not understand it because she doesn’t HAVE to be up, ready and out the door at a certain time while on an extended maternity leave. Heck, since I work from home I am still in my PJ’s right now at 10:30 in the morning because I didn’t have to shower and get dressed today.
Post # 58
I’m a hair stylist and can take 16 weeks off (unpaid) with the company I work for now. I’ve worked for smaller salons and that allowed stylists to take as much time as they wanted, that’s just money out of your own pocket. I don’t have children yet, but we plan on waiting another year or so after I qualify to be a cosmetology instructor in my state and I will teach part time. I will probably also free lance for special events like proms and weddings. Sadly in my career if I take too much time off my clients will go else where and I would be starting from scratch if I return. I also don’t care to work until 8 every night with a little one at home. That’s more my fault, though. I knew all of this when I went into the beauty industry.
Post # 59
WesterosBarbie : you realize a lot of us don’t actually want to be a Stay-At-Home Mom right? Or even a part-time Stay-At-Home Mom. We would just like more than 6-8 weeks to heal and care for a newborn. I like my job and don’t actually want to quit it or even quit and then find a new one later, I just would want more time before having to return to my job. Shouldn’t be that much to ask for. My job is stress-free and I don’t work a minute longer than 40 hours but I get paid well (for what I do) and have great benefits. You can bet your ass if men were having babies everyone would have 1 year paid leave. I’d be happy with 6 months job protection at this point (so like a 6 mo FMLA- which is unpaid). We shouldn’t have to do part time work or fast food service just to get some maternity leave, I think that is the point.
Post # 60
kes18 : I acknowleged that. I said it’s about doing what you WANT to do, career wise. This is what I mean about how there’s lack of respect for women who choose to be a Stay-At-Home Mom in comparison to those who choose (or have to) work.
The point for me, personally,w as that I can’t control the length of the maternity time so I chose a job that fit with what I’d get.