(Closed) how do we ask for more money from fiance’s mom & dad???

posted 8 years ago in Money
Post # 4
Member
2288 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I suggest that you and your Fiance (it’s very, very important that he do all the talking here) sit down with his parents and let them know that the wedding is going to cost more than originally anticipated because the guest list on that side has ballooned. I assume that cutting people isn’t an option, so let them know exactly how much you’re short and that you hate to ask, but you need their help to get this done. Let it evolve from there. 

Post # 6
Member
1074 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Wow, well first off, I totally would have nipped that in the bud as soon as the Mother-In-Law wanted to add an additional 70 guests.  That would have been your prime time to bring it up.  However, now that it’s done and youre just a few months away….I’d have you and your Fiance ask them over for dinner.  I would recommend an at home dinner, not at a restaurant since this topic can be touchy.  Be honest about the situation.  Tell them that you are so happy that they are contributing to the budget, however, after crunching numbers, you just can’t seem to make ends meet.  Explain that you realized that you and Fiance agreed to take care of the remaining balance, if there were to be, but you did account for the additional guests.  Tell em that you would love to have them pay for those guests since they insisted that they be invited.  Otherwise, they can show up, but they wont have a meal or whatever because you just can’t afford it.

Post # 8
Member
5497 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I agree you should be present, but definitly let your Fiance do the talking. I would present it in a manor that doesn’t sound like you’re ganging up on them (Hey, we’d like some more money since you added a bunch of people behind our back). Maybe explain it like you did here?

Example:

Fiance: Bloodgo and I invited you to dinner because we are concerned about our budget. I realize that we have a large family, but we were strict on a budget for the wrong amount of people. I know that you have already offered so much, but we are wondering if you would consider making up for the x amount of people we didn’t know were added on the list?

Something along those lines maybe?

 

Post # 9
Member
2288 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

So your invites have gone out?

Post # 11
Hostess
16213 posts
Honey Beekeeper

I like what HisBarista said. Technically, if they are the ones adding on past what was agreed upon, they should be paying for it. Be polite, be considerate, but be clear that you and Fiance cannot afford to pay for their extra guests on your own.

Post # 12
Member
235 posts
Helper bee

Okay, I am a mother-in-law and will tell you that weddings have all kinds of strings attached.  Often wedding invites are “paybacks” for all the invitations and wonderful things that people have done for you over the years.  And yes, sometimes the bride and groom may not feel the same way about the people their parents invite.  That being said, if your Future Mother-In-Law invited more than the agreed guest list, she should pay up.  There may be people that she just can’t cut because of a long history with them, but I can’t imagine that she will balk at paying for them.  Give her some credit (don’t call her a jerk for what she might not be able to control!) and hand her the bill.  If at that time she does refuse, simply say that you are sorry that you will not be able to accomodate her expanded quest list. Money doesn’t grow on trees, it has to come from somewhere! 

Post # 14
Member
235 posts
Helper bee

Sorry your Future Mother-In-Law relationship isn’t what you would like it to be 🙁  I feel so blessed to have a wonderful connection with my first son’s wife and my second son’s fiance! When my first son got married, I offered to pay for ALL food and beverage expenses incurred by my guests as well as a percentage of decorations, linens, etc.  I plan on doing this as well for my second son’s wedding.  Maybe you could break down the expenses for your guests, your parent’s guests, and her guests by the numbers and show her how much more she is costing the wedding.  Sometimes people need to see things in black and white before they get it!

Post # 15
Member
563 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I know it is too late for you, but for others in this situation, they should sit down the parents and say, “We can pay for 100 people total.  My parents have 20 guests, you have 20 guests and we are inviting 60 guests.  If you would like to invite more than that number, it will cost xyz for the food, linens and extra flowers.  It is entirely up to you if you want to invite the extra guests or not.”  And that way they have a choice.

 

And honestly – if your Mother-In-Law invited 70 people without telling you, and isn’t willing to pay for them, I would just cut them.  It is unfortunate, but her actions have been unreasonable.

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