(Closed) How do we avoid inviting nasty family members?

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
705 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Why are you even in contact with these people?  They sound terrible.  If those were my parents, I would have cut all contact with them years ago.  But, better late than never I guess.  There isn’t a relationship to salvage–just minimize contact with them and if they push, Fiance can explain to them that you don’t want to have people like them at your wedding.  They are his family, he needs to deal with them.

Post # 4
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Tfor2: Hmmm this is tricky but it doesnt have to be. How far away do they live from you?

Because you could give them a far off date like December 2014 to “save up money” but really get married like Decemeber 2012. KEEP EVERYTHING OFF FACEBOOK.

Do you have mutual people who would run and tell them about the wedding? Do not invite them. Plan your wedding, keeping the date secret to only those you want there.

Just lie about the date and keep everything off facebook. Seriously.

Post # 5
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Also, have the wedding at a prive place like a winery or someone’s back yard. That way they can not tresspass. I know the winerys here offer “intimate” wedding settings for people with 50 or less guests. Look into it!

Good luck dear! It isn’t that hard when you think about it. Give them a false date, like 2 years from now, and then don’t answer their calls about anything. Be prepared for SIL to “offer” her son as a ring bearer *barf*

Post # 6
Member
2183 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011 - Florida Aquarium

I’m not sure how to avoid inviting a whole family, but… My mother was not invited to my wedding, and I wrote her a letter a couple weeks before the date to explain to her why and make clear that I didn’t want her there. She never found out the date or location– or else she would have come anyway.

It’s difficult not to let the details get around, but maybe if you’re really careful they won’t know when/where it is to crash it. I would let them know they are not invited, though.

ETA: And make sure that other people know they aren’t invited. My family members didn’t want to know the details so they wouldn’t have the information to accidently share with my mother. I really appreciated their efforts in understanding.

Post # 7
Member
2638 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2006

WHAT? She wants you to sleep with her?

This sounds insane. You could always have a small wedding, or you could just create some distance and invite them like you would any other guest without letting them be involved.

I really don’t nkow.

Post # 8
Member
3618 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

These people sound horrible. I don’t see why you don’t stick to your plans and just NOT tell them about the wedding. And make sure no one tells them the details of your wedding so they can’t crash. I don’t think you should change any of your plans for the sake of their feelings. You don’t owe them a thing! Not even an excuse as to why they are not invited. Kharma will get them some day…

Post # 10
Member
142 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Why not call off your engagement on facebook say something like you realised you should wait for financial reasons. Im sure your FI’s SIL will be happy hearing that then once the wedding is done say your Fiance romantically surprised you it was just you and witnesses. Or tell them the truth that you didn’t want them to ruin it

Post # 11
Member
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

ELOPE. Go somewhere, just the two of you, a destination wedding. When you get back, your family/friends can have an engagement/celebration party (a reception, feel free to chip in, just don’t mention to HIS family that you’re chipping in). Then you get to celebrate with your loved ones, but since you’re not hosting, you don’t have to invite anyone from his side.

Post # 12
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Tfor2: Good luck dear! We are rooting for you and your FI!!

Post # 13
Member
2965 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I’m so sorry that you are forced to go thru that. I am in a similar situation with my dad’s side of the family. There are one or two people from his side that I wouldn’t have minded coming but I’m afraid they are going to run their mouth to others and it will be found out and I will have 50+ more people than I expected to be there. I’m just telling them that we are considering a destination wedding and thats all I’m giving them. I can’t even tell my dad where I plan on having my wedding. He will not know at all because he will try to invite them. My mother is aware of this situation (they never liked me or her but they will come for free food) so she will not tell my dad either. He won’t know till he gets there where we are having it.

Post # 14
Member
1276 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I’m sorry but if these family members wouldn’t support you marrying your Fiance, why are you facebook friends with them? Cut them out and make sure you end up with the wedding that you want! You don’t need extra stress. 

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