- 6 years ago
- Wedding: August 2014
My Fiance and I are both hitting our breaking points in opposite directions and I don’t know what to do. We are both introverts.
He works retail and is usually scheduled for 10-12 hour shifts. He was recently promoted to first assistant manager so he has a lot of interaction with both the big bosses of the store and guests. By the time he gets home he is sick of dealing with people and just wants to dink around on his computer and play videogames to decompress. He feels like he’s not getting enough time alone to recharge.
I am a research scientist, I currently work alone in a laboratory. I might see my boss for about 5 minutes twice a week. Otherwise I am alone all of the time. I have multiple rooms to myself and rarely even see other people. I don’t know anyone in my department, heck I wasn’t even invited to the department Christmas party. Since Fiance works retail, he has to work until 10:30 a few nights a week which means I literally spend the entire day and night alone. When he is home at night I want to spend time with him because I feel starved of human interaction.
I do have a few friends here, but I don’t see them often except for a monthly game night and sometimes holiday parties. We all recently graduated college so we’re all pretty busy with our first jobs in our career or graduate school. My best friend that I’m in the most regular contact with is currently living in Switzerland. We talk via skype for a couple hours every other Sunday. Fiance moved up here to be with me and hasn’t really made any friends yet. We don’t really go out with friends, but that has never really been our thing. I’m so tired when I get home that I rarely want to go back out again. I also don’t want to go out when I could be spending time with Fiance because I only really get to see him about 2 nights a week and every other weekend.
My hobbies tend to be solitary activities ie reading, knitting, watching movies, and puzzles. I feel like I spend so much time alone that I’ve lost the hang of interacting with people now and the idea of putting myself out there by myself is very daunting. Going to the store can be overwhelming sometimes because I am so un-used to dealing with people now.
Talking to you bees helps the loneliness a bit, but it’s not enough. I feel like I’m starting to get depressed again. All I really feel like doing is hiding and sleeping.
He needs more alone time and I need more people time. How would you balance our emotional needs?