(Closed) How do we stop his ex-girlfriend from coming to family functions?

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

This is pretty simple: Your Fiance should tell her he wants her out of his life.

Problem solved.

Post # 4
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@crayfish: Ditto. He’s going to be marrying YOU. YOU are going to be his wife, meaning you are his family now. He needs to tell her to stay away from him, you and his family.

Post # 6
Member
1087 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

your Fiance needs to man up and set her straight. Seriously.

Post # 8
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@mrslovebug75: If she starts actively harassing you again, take her to court and get a restraining order.

Post # 9
Member
6824 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

If talking to her fails I would get a restraining order against her. 

Post # 9
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

If need be, I would remind your future inlaws how much it hurt that she called you names.

Then I would do like KatyElle said and get a restraining order. This chick sounds insane.

If she shows up at family functions, both of you should leave.

Post # 10
Member
180 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I agree with the PP. Granted he is marrying YOU and LOVES YOU, he still needs to tell the ex that her time is up and that she should not come around anymore.

I have an interesting situation too. My FI’s ex will always be in our life.  The FI’s father married his ex’s mother. Crazy Right!!! The ex is remarried and has a family of her own, we’ve never had any issues with each other and she is nice person. However, its always going to be an uncomfortable situation. If I had it my way, she wouldn’t be around.

Hope things get better for you!

Post # 12
Member
1493 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

@mrslovebug75: Hugs. I’ve had to deal with my DH’s ex-girlfriend whose well loved by my in-laws. It definitely hurts when they embrace her more than you. My MIL’s said outright a number of times that my Darling Husband should be married to her and that she thought that we would end in divorce when we got engaged. I’ve stopped letting my Mother-In-Law hurt me in this way by disengaging her and the ex. I made up with the ex-girlfriend at her wedding and realized where the dynamic stood between them. My Mother-In-Law wants a “daughter” relationship with her while I don’t. I don’t engage it. Also, I just sent a big package of a hand knit baby blanket and other baby stuff for DH’s ex-girlfriend’s baby to be. I did this to not only celebrate her and her new arrival, but to ensure that my Mother-In-Law can’t say anything negative or bad about me since she learned early on that I was hurt by her. Now, I don’t let her hurt me anymore. You’ve definitely got the handle it with grace, kindness, and maturity down in this situation. However, it sounds like your Fiance lets this happen since she’s embraced by his family. You have to make it clear that it’s uncomfortable to the point of harassment. Make it clear that this kind of behavior will not be tolerated by you under any circumstances. You have to make a big boundary line here and say that this type of behavior is unacceptable and doesn’t work in the current situation of you marrying him and entering his family. It’s very tough and unpleasant, but it will get you what you need.

Post # 13
Member
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

In addition to speaking with his ex, your Fiance needs to be very clear with his family that this woman is no longer welcome at family functions, and that the two of you will leave if she shows up.

Post # 14
Member
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

My FI’s ex-wife still contacts his mom and it bothers me a lot.  She makes sure I know that she talks to his mom still (she’s very passice aggressive that way – he was the one that ended the relationship and she’s still p’oed) and it really bothers me that his mom continues to talk to her.  They were not close when he was with her (from what I understand – they don’t have much in common), so I don’t get it.  Even if they were good friends, I think that now that Fiance and I are getting married, that his mom could say, “look, I loved the time we spent together and I think you are a great person – I wish you well in your life…” and send her on her way.  But, she won’t…his mom is a people pleaser – just tries to be friends with everyone.  I’ve realized that I need to accept that and build an emotional wall so I’m not hurt about it anymore. 

That would be my advice to you.  I agree that your new in laws should stop talking to her, but you cannot force them to do that – the only person you can control is you.  I would definitely talk to your Fiance and get on the same page about how to avoid this girl.  She sounds like a psycho – you don’t want her showing up at the wedding!  I think the most important thing is to know your Fiance is on your side and that he will do what he can to tell her not to contact you and then avoid her completely.

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