- 7 years ago
Okay, I need some serious help. I’m at my wits end on this situation. Let me give you some background information.
Before Fiance and I were dating he dated a girl from high school for about 3 years. It was a bad breakup but they stayed friends. She knows his family relatively well. She always wanted to get back with him, she would go to family functions, basically force herself whereever she could. About two years after they break up, I come into the picture and things go really bad. She ended up going to the fireworks the first day we started dating and she spent the night at FI’s house. I understand she was upset and it must have been hard so I tried to be as pleasant as possible. Fiance thought the same thing. Soon, it because to become a nuisance and quite awkward because she started becoming rude toward me. I understand at this point Fiance should have stepped in and told her to go but this was over 3 years ago and he know understands how he should have handled the situation.
On our first anniversary together (fourth of July), we had just gotten back from the fireworks and we were lying in bed. Around midnight we hear a loud car drive by many times in front of our house and a woman screaming, “(MY NAME) IS A WHORE!!!” We look out the window and who else could it be other than his ex and her friends. And it was not just once, they kept going around screaming it waking up the neighbors. Needless to say, that was not a good night for us. By the time we got outside, they sped off. Keep in mind I was 18 at the time, Fiance was my first. She was 23. I was very hurt but we did not retaliate. I never got an apology (I wouldn’t expect it) At this point Fiance cuts off all communication with her.
About a year ago, I finally told his mom and grandma why there is bad blood between us. It was a bunch of crying because she did more awful things but I’m just giving you the shortened version. They seemed to understand and reassure me that I’m their “babygirl”, I’m part of their family, and Fiance loves me, not her… but his ex can just be “hard to deal with at times.” Okay fine, I can understand that… so I let it go.
Now up to date. FI’s grandpa died last week and we went to his funeral. We had not heard or seen his ex in about 2-3 years at this point. And low and behold, THERE SHE BLOWS. I keep it in my head, that’s fine she’ll pay her respects and leave. Nope. She did not pay any respects to his grandpa and stuck around for the food reception afterward. All of the family was talking to her, especially his mom and his sister (ONE OF MY BRIDESMAIDS) What hurt/bothered me the most was how his mom and family embraced her. It was like a knife twist to the heart because I know my family would not embrace someone that called me a whore and was outright mean to me. But I kept myself in check because I realized that day was supposed to be about FI’s grandpa. It get that they had to be civil but it doesn’t make it stop hurting any less. I just feel disrespected.
I just feel like my feelings suffer so that she can get what she wants. His family just keeps telling me to “be the bigger woman” and “don’t let her get to me.” FI has had enough because he can tell how much it bothers me and he is going to talk to his mom about it soon but I don’t know if she’ll get it.
Am I being unreasonable? Has anyone ever had to deal with this before? I could understand if they had children or were married at one point but she’s only an ex-girlfriend.
I just want her to go away but I have a terrible feeling she’s going to keep showing up in the future.