(Closed) How do we tactically get less people to come

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
132 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

I don’t know if I would pick a date for people not to come.  If you are catholic and have a lot of catholic guests, they might look at it that they get to spend the day with their family at a celebration.  Also something to think about is your anniversary would be on Christmas.  We invited 276 people for a November 1st wedding.  I was so scared we would get over the 225 we budgeted for and we ended up with 190.  I think with economic times the way they are people just can’t spend the money to go to a wedding. 

My recommendation would be to find a venue then ask them what is the date I can book with the cheapest price and work around it. 

Post # 4
Member
118 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

I honestly think this is NOT a good idea. 

 You said your "families dictate" having a lot of people.  If you and your fiance are paying for the wedding yourselves, then you need to put your foot down.  And if your families are helping you pay, then you need to lay down some ground rules.  If they are not aware of your debt, you may need to tell them in order to make them understand WHY you cannot afford to pay for a large wedding yourselves.  Do not get married on Christmas just so that people wont’ show up.

Post # 5
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Have you considered a weekday wedding? Not only will you likely get a deal on the venue, but your guests may not want to take time off work.

Post # 6
Member
398 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2009

First off getting married on Christmas is a bad idea if you want to cut attendance!  Christmas is a time of celebration, family, and vacations…great time for a wedding!  Its a bad assumption thinking people won’t attend just because its on Christmas.

If you want to get married in at a time when people are likely not to come, try off beat seasons, such as October or February…when people have to work (no holidays) and children are in school.

Obvoiusly though the right answer is to seek help from your parents if they are the ones demanding you invite these people.  If they can’t afford it either than its time to step up and say, we will do what we can afford, it is your wedding after all, not theirs.

Post # 7
Member
2004 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

You know what they say about the best-laid plans….

Don’t try to find a sneaky way to get fewer people at your wedding. Be honest to the people demanding this big wedding and say, we can’t afford it, so if you want it you’re going to have to find a way to make it happen that doesn’t involve us going into further debt.

Or, if you want to pick a day many won’t be able to come, rather than Christmas you might choose to have your wedding in the off-season (January is the least popular month). Christmas might actually be more expensive because what vendors want to work on Christmas? New years’ and Valentine’s Day also are very popular so stay away. A weekday wedding (Friday afternoon?) also tends to draw fewer guests and be cheaper.

Furthermore, the biggest way that number of guests affects the cost of the wedding is how much it costs to feed them. So rather than focus on fewer guests, why not aim for a less opulent reception? Have an hors d’oeuvres reception, dessert only, or a potluck.

Post # 8
Member
12 posts
Newbee

Have you thought about having a simple destination wedding?  You could go to an all-inclusive resort in the Caribbean and the wedding and reception would basically be free!  It would be a good way to weed a lot of people.

I also agree with the others that an off-day like Sunday or Friday is a good idea as well.  A Saturday or Sunday brunch reception can be very cost-effective as well.

Post # 9
Member
233 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018 - Hotel Vitale

As a Bride who cut the guest list from 150 to 60. You don’t HAVE to invite anyone. I say rethink what is a priority for you and your fiance. Think about having a court house wedding during the week with lunch afterwords. OR I really like the brunch reception idea. And then you can always have an informal pot luck for everyone to celebrate a few months later.  And if you HAVE to invite everyone- per your parents request- request that they help throw the wedding. Good luck. But always remember, this is your wedding!!

Post # 10
Member
174 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

Typically holiday time parties are more expensive b/c caterers, hotels and other vendors already have many groups interested in hosting events and therefore can charge a premium. Also, if you are getting married in a church, while you may save on decorations for the church (b/c the church is already decorated for the holidays), you may be limited due to extra Christmas masses, the priest who may not be available (they have families, too!), and other vendors who want to take the holiday off.

Your best bet is Jan, Feb or Mar when wedding and other event bookings are down. I agree with ready2bmrsd on choosing a weekday or non-Saturday for your wedding to cut costs. Of course reducing your guest list is the number one way to reduce costs.

Making your event inconvenient for guests may result in fewer RSVPs, but you never know. Your best bet is to talk to your families. Prepare a researched budget of estimated costs for your basic wedding wishes, what you and your fiancee are willing to contribute and share it with them. Once they realize the full costs they will hopefully kick in their fair share or understand the need to cut the guest list. Maybe you will get your dream wedding, maybe you will have a small affair with a couple of parties at your families’ homes with the extended families. Either way, be up front and honest about money or someone will be disappointed (you, them or both).

Good luck!

Post # 11
Member
275 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I agree with all the previous posters that a wedding on Christmas Day is a really bad idea.  If you’re having a church wedding, you will probably have a really hard time convincing them to have your wedding on Christmas Day.  Most churches, at least Catholic for sure, won’t marry people on religious holidays.

Also, I think it’s a good way to upset a lot of people.  If one of my friends did this, I wouldn’t go.  I know that’s the result you are looking for, but people have given you a lot of other great ideas to skim the guest list or save money.  

We’re inviting 450 people to our wedding and we should stay right around $10,000 to $15,000.  So, it can be done.  Chose your food and venue wisely.  A brunch reception sounds like it would be a good fit b/c then you probably wouldn’t need to hire a DJ or have alcohol.

I think there are way better ways to work around your budget.  DIY what you can.  Ask a friend or family member with a large yard if you can have your reception there.  Have your ceremony and reception in the same place. 

GL!

Post # 12
Member
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

Really, don’t invite people that you seriously can’t afford to have come.  We also could only afford a fairly small celebration – not so much because of existing debt, but because we were having to put a significant amount of money into my husband’s house in order to sell it, and weren’t sure when we were going to see that back; weren’t sure how long we were going to be paying two mortgages; had to pay for surgery for his son that wasn’t covered by insurance; and his son was starting college just after the wedding, so there was tuition to think about.  We just laid out for our families exactly what we could afford, and what that meant in terms of guest list (immediate family and our very closest friends only – so about 40 people tops) and celebration (a small private room in a local restaurant, a short informal service, and a nice dinner).  I didn’t plan to have a wedding dress – just a dressy sundress – and he would wear a nice shirt and tie.  And there is nothing wrong with a wedding like that!  It would have been very nice.

It was (predictably) a disappointment to my mom especially, but we just let her know it was all we could afford, so it would have to be good enough.  His family does not have money at all (in fact we send his mom money every month, so she can afford her medication) so there was no argument from them.  However, my family came back the next week and let us know that they would very much like to pay for whatever it would cost for us to have the type of celebration they wanted (me in an actual wedding dress; guest list to include aunts, uncles, cousins, and some of their friends; dinner and dancing at the country club).  After some thought about the implications of having them pay for about 2/3 of our wedding, we gratefully accepted.

It’s completely unreasonable for your families to expect you to throw a party that you can’t afford – just as it would be unreasonable for you to present them with some total amount of money that you require from them in order to get married.  I would just figure out what you can afford, and let them know.  If in fact they really, really need you to invite a lot more people, they can pony up what that will cost.  Especially in these economic times, nobody in their right mind is going to criticize you for having a small celebration and just sending out announcements to everybody later.  If somebody does question you, just let them know that you would have loved to have a much bigger party, but you honestly didn’t have the money.

Post # 13
Member
184 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I don’t think its right for you to invite people that you don’t want at your own wedding.  Just don’t invite them.  Who is paying for the wedding?  If you is you. you have the final say so!

Post # 14
Member
137 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2008

there are many ways of cutting cost, maybe instead of a sit down dinner you have just passed cocktails, or having it at a restaurant instead of a catering hall. Weekday weddings are a great way to cut costs too. I wouldnt have your wedding on christmas just because things tend to get expensive around that time and since most people are off during that time they might actually RSVP yes.

Post # 15
Member
78 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

how about picking a day you love and want to celebrate on and doing the wedding that you want, and then a few weeks later doing a small reception type thing at your house the classic way. just cocktails and some pickies. that way it won’t be too much weight on your budget but you can still make everyone happy?

Post # 16
Member
78 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

sorry the first part should say a SMALL wedding the way you want it…

The topic ‘How do we tactically get less people to come’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors