Post # 1
How do you kindly accept a gift from family – who you will see again and will continue to get you gifts in the future – when you don’t like the gift for whatever reason? What’s the best way to handle this?
My Mother-In-Law continues to get me gifts she thinks are so ‘me’ and they’re not. And I say thank you and tell her I like it but then never wear it. (Always clothes) but sometimes, she does really get me something I like and I do wear it. It’s hit or miss but I always try to be nice and thankful and tell her I like it. She always asks me if I like it – what am I supposed to say, no, not really? I always say yes to be polite but then the gifts just sit in my closet until one day it’s been long enough and I donate them.
How about for your spouse? What do you do when your spouse gets you a gift that you don’t like? Do you tell them right away you’d like to return it or do you wait and bring it up nicely later, or do you just keep it?
I find this one a toughy. I hate for people to waste money on something that will go un-used and then you have to deal with the “are you ever going to use that thing I bought you?’ questions, or do you just say right out that you’d like to return it and risk sounding ungrateful? Sometimes etiquette really sucks and I wish people’s feelings weren’t part of it.
Post # 3
I find it’s a little bit different with each person. For example, my husband bought me a piece of REALLY “dominatrix” like lingerie for christmas this year…and to say the least I hate it! I much prefer more feminine lingerie like babydolls etc. So because he is my husband and I don’t want to waste our money on gifts I wont use in the future I said something along the lines of “Honey I appreciate the gift and I bet you’d love to see me in this but to be honest it’s not really my taste..but I’m willing to give it a shot if it means a lot to you.” Of course my husband would never make me wear something that isn’t me..and instead he offered to take me lingerie shopping instead. Problem solved! As long as you arn’t rude and recognize that it’s the thought that counts, I don’t see a problem letting your SO know that something might just not be your style.
As for other family members/friends/etc I usually will thank them and tell them I love it even if I don’t. Because it can be crushing for someone to put the effort into getting you a gift when they don’t know you all that well to hear that you don’t care for it.
Pretty much my husband is the only person I’ll gently & calmly tell if I don’t care for something.
Post # 4
With my ILs, it’s just not worth trying to correct, I know it would just cause a bad reaction. SO I just say thank you and that it’s cute…usually I also run into this with clothes because my Mother-In-Law lovesssss Kohls. but their clothes never ever seem to fit me, the proportions are always off. But I know I can’t tell her to stop buying me clothes from there, so if it’s not too bad I’ll wear it around her occassionally, but if it’s totally unflattering I’ll return it and use the store credit for a non-clothing item. But no, I don’t tell her I’ve done this.
If it was my Darling Husband I’m more likely to gently correct him (wellll I’ll admit it has happened not-so-gently before, when I ask for a specific gift that is not expensive and he completely forgets and buys me something else totally random and not me).
Post # 5
I’m always honest with my husband. We usually pick out our own gifts, so I can’t see not liking something ‘from him’ i picked out for myself. With the ILs, we discourage gift giving and when they do give us something, we donate it to good will.
Post # 5
my spouse so called brought this ring look like a older ring from a neighbor which came from his mom to give to his wife, the wife didnt like it so what make it that im gonna to like it. my rings n things make a statement with me, its characteristic to myself so i stand out, this doesnt blend in what i already have, i really dont like it that is my honest feeling, hope someone can help me out on this one thanks in advance
Post # 6
If its my Fiance, I am honest cuz I wouldn’t lie to him. If its my family, they usually give me gift receipt and they aren’t offended if I exchange it for something else. Although, I did keep few things over the years that collect dust now because I wanted to spare feelings.
Post # 7
I will tell my spouse because I can’t fake it with him and he appreciates honesty. Same thing probably with my mom and dad
With everyone else I just thank them because it’s the thought that counts. My Mother-In-Law gave me a soap dish and soap and some lotions I don’t like for my birthday this year and although I haven’t used bar soap in years and don’t like the lotions I thanked her graciously because at the end of the day she made an effort. she and SIL also baked me a nice cake which was totally unnecessary but appreciated – they didn’t have to do anything. So yes – it’s the thought. I have been hurt in the past when someone told me they didn’t like a gift and asked me to return it for them – it was something I’d put a lot of thought and effort into – so yes it’s better just to accept it and focus on the fact thst you were thought of and then do whatever you want with the gift Because it’s yours Now to trash, return, gather dust, or whatever.
Post # 8
Sunshine09: with family esp mil. I always keep the gift and never say a thing. She always get we stuff I’m not into. Well not always. But last Christmas they got us a clock…. ild been hinting at stuff we needed for a while but they got me a clock… I have three in my super small apt. With my dh, I’m more open. It depends on what it is though. He got me a betty book sweater and I tried hard to rock it here and there. He got me a freezer after like 3 years of dating and I kind of gave him hell. I mean just 3 years of dating I expected something a little more personal. I felt like a freezer was for an older married lady. I was only 22. I got him a wii that year. Exactly what he wanted and I got a freezer. Dh knows me pretty well now. It’s been 11 years and so far great gifts. Lol some thing that has eked me for a year now is his brother and gf. Have been getting me clothes that was like way too big….. what’s up with that. Do I seem really big in their eyes?…. idk
Post # 9
gracously… seriously fiances and his parents have both bought me stuff I THOUGHT I hated and then later on ended up using loads
I would never return something (unless it was just to exchange it for a correct size) because its the height of bad manner and a personal snub on the person that put their time and money into showing you they care
Post # 10
If its expensive clothes that I hate I might use the excuse that it doesnt fit me right and ask to exchange. If its just a tshirt or something I would keep and wear around the house as loungewear or pajamas. Generally though I just pretend to like it and hope for something better next time.
Post # 11
I am like you – pretend to like it and hide it in the closet. Sometimes though I am afraid the situation might get embarassing for everyone, like this one time, when my ILs gave me earrings – and I not only never wear any, but my ears are not pierced. I was saying “thank you” and “how beautiful they are” – but I was so worried, someone might say “Why don’t you try them on?”…
Post # 12
My exSIL thoughtfully got me a decorative object that went with my (then) “Southwest” theme in my family room. It was SO not my taste though! Luckily she lived out of town, so it was easy to pull it out of the closet and put it on the shelf when she visited.
Yes. I did that for 6 years until we changed our decor.
Another time my exMIL was getting my exSIL one of those decorative geese that you put outside and dress up – thank GOD she called my exH and asked if he thought I’d like one too… he said no way. I couldn’t imagine dragging a 30# cement goose out of the garage for xx years… lol
And then there was the day we walked into exMIL house to see something like THIS in the corner… no. Just NO. It’s called a ‘time out doll’. My ex Mother-In-Law was one of the sweetest women ever, her taste was just a l’il different than mine 🙂
Post # 13
katebluestone: our house is southwest americana decor too (probably rarer here in europe) but I love everything old west-y
Post # 14
Sunshine09: if it was my Mother-In-Law I.would say thank you and return it and not say a thing. My husband? He would.probably know immediately lol
Post # 15
katebluestone: what the hell is that?!