(Closed) How do you accept that you will never be liked by IL’s?

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1839 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Mrs. Harmony:  this sounds exactly like how my grandfather used to treat my uncle’s (fairly new) wife.  for some reason that no one is sure of, he has recently changed and started to ackowledge her existance.  anyway, if it seems like your Mother-In-Law would be willing, do you think maybe you could invite her over by herself?

Post # 4
Member
1577 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Awful situation, I’m sorry.

It it you, or your Fiance, with whom your Future Father-In-Law has a problem (if you don’t mind me asking?)

Post # 5
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

Maybe if your Future Mother-In-Law would actually spend time with you, and relay things to Future Father-In-Law, then he woudl come around as well? I mean, what’s the worst he can do to her if she decides that she wants to pursue a friendship with you?

Post # 7
Member
214 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Sorry you’re going through this.  My Future Father-In-Law does not like me and is still on the fence about going to our wedding.  We’ve heard if he does come he will not be giving a speech.  As in your situation there is something about me that is not “right”- in my case everyone tells me it’s because I’m not his religion.  It’s taken me a long time to get to your point-I’m a good person and I’ve done all I can.  Now, I just try and be pleasant and realize that it is he who looks bad and in the wrong, since everyone else in the family (FMIL now is coming around to me, too, but she was like your Future Mother-In-Law for a while there) loves me and supports us.  

 

I mainly feel bad for my fiance now as I think it’s so crappy his dad has tried to make it a me against him kind of situation.  I’ve never asked my fiance to choose, his dad has, and my fiance chose me so it makes his dad look even jerkier. 

 

Anyway, I don’t have any advice to offer, just wanted to share there are (lots) others in your shoes.

Post # 8
Member
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

She sounds nice, I think you should feel fortunate she is not a monster, actively trying to sabotage or guilt you into anything. Basically you could do much worse!

Post # 9
Member
705 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

It sucks but it sounds like it’s something you can’t change.  In your shoes, I would just try to forget it and not spend a lot of time with them.  It sounds like Future Father-In-Law isn’t very nice to your SO either, so why make the effort to spend time with them?  FMIL has made her decision.  She’s an adult and that’s her deal.

Instead of longing for a mother figure, try making friends who you can share these things with.  I don’t live near my family or Mr’s family and while I love all of them, I’m not really super close with anyone.  But I do have the very best friends a woman could have.  Friends are family that you choose.

Post # 10
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I thought my FI’s family was always going to hate me and it made me sad, but I figured that as long as I didn’t pit my Fiance against his family, it wouldn’t affect our relationship.

Eventually, I spent more time with them and they seem to like me now!  But if they didn’t, I still know they must have done something right to produce Fiance and that he chose me.  It’d be sad, but if they don’t want me in their family (especially if it was because I had faulty genes for having an autistic child…EXCUSE ME?) it’d be no skin off my back.  They’d be the ones missing out.

Post # 11
Member
305 posts
Helper bee

it sucks that they don’t like you for whatever reason…but you’re an adult. you’ll figure it out.  as for your son?  he’s the one you need to worry about. who gives a flip about your future will or will be in laws.  they’re jerks. hug your son and stop worrying about these people.

Post # 12
Member
1091 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

wow sadly this sounds similar to my fmil situation… no one is good enough for her only child. SO says it’s not just me, as though that justifies it lol. She’s nice to my face but has said some nasty things behind my back, and has forbidden me from going over her house. I guess the distance is what is helping me cope, but I don’t know what our future wedding will bring up lol but You’re right, you’ve done all you can and it isn’t you it’s  them 

Post # 13
Member
5011 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

I’m in a very similar situation. I’ve done all I can and they still hate me. I’ve just decided that it’s their loss. They would have hated any girl he married and, by hating me, they’re driving away their only son.

It isn’t always easy (and I always have to be the bigger person which SUCKS) but I know I’ve won.

Post # 14
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

I remember some of your earlier posts, and I actually am amazed that you would allow your child to be raised in such an environment. No way in hell would I keep my kid around people like that, even if it meant I walked away from my SO

Post # 15
Member
1458 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

@MrsSl82be: I agree. Poor kid 🙁

Post # 16
Member
1061 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

How does your Fiance react this?  Honestly, my husband would not put up with Father-In-Law treating me with such disrespect.

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