(Closed) how do you account for who gets a thank you?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
3314 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I knew everyone coming to the wedding, so I was able to account for who was there from memory and pictures from the day.  🙂  But I had a fairly small wedding… only 85 total people!  I also knew from RSVP’s who had said they were coming, and I did notice those that didn’t show up despite their yes RSVP.  

I don’t really have any other tips!

Post # 4
Member
3618 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

We had escort cards, but that’s not how we figured out who did or didn’t get a thank you card. We actually did have a few no show’s but now that you mention it, we did not get those escort cards back. We thanked everyone who gave us a card/gift and crossed referenced it with our master guest list to make sure we didn’t leave anyone out who might have shown up card less or gift less.

Post # 6
Member
2849 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I know some people think you should thank people for coming to your wedding, but I believe that you should thank people who give you a card/gift. If people come empty handed, I don’t think they are expecting to get thanked for that. 

Post # 7
Member
382 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I agree with Bichon Frise. I’m of the opinion that thank you notes are only sent to those who brought gifts or cards.

If this is wrong, then we’ve got even more thank you notes to write than I was expecting and I’m not looking forward to this weekend.

Post # 9
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

I had over 300 people at my wedding and kept a spreadsheet of who responded yes. Anyone’s placecards who were left, I knew they didn’t show, so those people didn’t get a thank you unless they sent a gift. But if they came, they got a thank you regardless if they brought a gift or not. I wanted to let them know that I appreciated them coming to celebrate our marriage. 

Post # 10
Member
2065 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@Bichon Frise:  Yeah we only sent thank you’s to people that gave us something, be it a card or gift. We tried to say hello to everyone that night and thank them for coming. I know I wouldn’t expect a thank you card if I didn’t bring a card/gift – the meal and drinks and favors, etc would be plenty in my mind.

Post # 11
Member
214 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I was just going to go by the presents/cards we receive and write notes to those people.

Post # 12
Member
2067 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Like PP, I just sent thank you notes to the people who gave a card or gift

Post # 14
Member
2065 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@hecallsmelove:  I was raised under the impression that the thank you to guests for attending is the reception: the food, drinks, favors, etc. If they bring a gift/card, then the extra thank you is the formal thank you note. Maybe I’m doing it wrong though, but I wouldn’t think you were rude!

Post # 15
Member
2281 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@Bichon Frise:  Agreed.

I’ve never received a thank you for going to a wedding – only for the gift.

Post # 16
Member
2416 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I only plan on thanking people who bought a card/gift. I sent thank you’s to people who have given us gifts for our engagement as well.

Pretty much, I have a spreadsheet that I call our “master guest list” that includes a column about whether we received a gift from the person and whether or not we have sent a thank you to keep track.

This also helps us keep track of people who didn’t send a gift. I personally don’t care about gifts at all, but I really will be annoyed if people show up and don’t even bring a card!

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