Post # 1

Member
2657 posts
Sugar bee
Bees,
Long story short I just found out that my aunt doesnt have her husbands last name. She has her own last name. I am very stumped on how to address the envelope now. Any ideas?
(picked etiquette but not sure if that is the right one)Oh well.
Before I found out I was just gonna do John & Marie Ganz(fake names). You think iy would be okay if I still did that? If not how do I address it??
Post # 3

Member
4652 posts
Honey bee
My 1800 registry wedding planner says Mrs._____ & Mr._____ is the way to do it! wife goes first!
Post # 4

Member
5117 posts
Bee Keeper
I’ve read various ways. Listing the one you’re closest to first or just going alphabetically. But Mr. Matthews & Mrs. Lawrence is what I’d go with since generally the Mr. goes before the Mrs. once the couple is married.
ETA- I just noticed that most guides I find say that if a woman is keeping her maiden name socially and professionally, then she stays a Ms. and her name will go first. Hmm. Seems I’m not much help to you!
Post # 5

Member
2084 posts
Buzzing bee
- Wedding: June 2012 - Pippin Hill Farm & Vineyards
Ladies before gentlmen. π
Mrs. Sarah Smith and Mr. John Doe
Post # 6

Member
5988 posts
Bee Keeper
Mrs. Sarah Smith and Mr. John Doe
i kept my surname, its Ms Smith as im not a Mrs hisname
Post # 7

Member
3315 posts
Sugar bee
Traditionally, it is Ms. Marie Smith and Mr. John Ganz. The “and” indicates they are married. If they were not, it would be Ms. Marie Smith on one line, Mr. John Ganz on the next, with no “and” between them.
Post # 8

Member
2819 posts
Sugar bee
Uh…you address it to “Mr. Hislastname & Mrs. (or Ms. if she prefers) Herlastname”. You can include first names if you want (and you can scrap the Mr./Mrs. titles), and most people that I know of put it in alphabetical order to avoid seeming sexist.
Post # 9

Member
2084 posts
Buzzing bee
- Wedding: June 2012 - Pippin Hill Farm & Vineyards
This is so interesting. I think I have double check my spreadsheets myself to make sure I didn’t this properly for one of my bridesmaids. If she would just finish her thesis, I could call her a doctor and eliminate the issue. π
I have an aunt who thinks we should do away with Mrs. completely and call everyone Ms. You all should have seen my mother’s face when she said that. Hee hee!
Post # 10

Member
5988 posts
Bee Keeper
You all should have seen my mother’s face when she said that
you should have seen my mothers face when i told her i wasnt going to change my name – i still dont understand her reaction to be honest
Post # 11

Member
7605 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
Ok, so I know this isn’t a “helpful” answer per se, but when I’m addressing casual mail (usually a thank you card or something like that) to friends who live together but aren’t married, I combine their last names like they’re celebrities, hahaha. Like, Jane Williams and Joe Campbell become “The Willibells” or “The Willibell Family” hehehe.
I know you’re asking for real answers on more formal invitations, but I just wanted to share that! π
ETA: For a formal invite, I’d address it to Mr. HisFirst HisLast and Miss/Ms. HerFirst HerLast
Post # 12

Member
939 posts
Busy bee
Since i don’t plan on taking his last name, if it were me, I’d like to it to be “Ms. Herfirstname Herlastname and Mr. Hisfirstname Hislastname”
Post # 13

Member
2559 posts
Sugar bee
@indibee:
I immediately thought of Boy Meets World when I saw your example names…
OP I have always heard it’s Ms. Her Name & Mr. His Name… Ladies first π
Post # 14

Member
3315 posts
Sugar bee
We actually did a poll of our potential guests. Every woman who kept her own surname on marriage preferred Ms. to Mrs.
And for the record, the whole idea of Ms. was to have one title that worked for both married and unmarried women–like Mr. for men. So mink‘s aunt had it exactly right.
Post # 15

Member
5117 posts
Bee Keeper
@MrsWrangler: Haha, busted. I loved that show forever.
OP- I’ve decided I’m in the Ms. Hers & Mr. His camp. Same line + the ‘and/&’ show that they’re married. Final answer π
Post # 16

Member
2084 posts
Buzzing bee
- Wedding: June 2012 - Pippin Hill Farm & Vineyards
@eloping: Oh my gosh, I haven’t told my mother yet myself. I’m in academia and many of my colleagues kept their names since they were published under their maiden names.
π