How do you and you FH/DH split the holidays?

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
472 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2016

We generally just see what our families are doing and use that to decide. Some years my family isn’t doing much so we go to his and vice versa. This year neither of our families are doing much and we’ve decided to stay at home which will be nice (we’ve never had christmas in our own home before). 

Post # 3
Member
6059 posts
Bee Keeper

Unfortunately neither of our families are particularly flexible. 

Thanksgiving in Canada isn’t nearly as big in the US. We didnt do anything special this year, avoided all family lol. 

For xmas, we are “lucky” that both of our families live in the same city. My family always does an early dinner/late lunch, like between 2-4 starting eating time. My husbands family does a later night party type thing. So we usually leave my family a little early and get to his family a little late. 

Small rant time, last year we were at dinner with my family, and its like 430, we’re eating and my husband starts getting non-stop calls from his family. He rejects them and tries to ignore it. So his dad calls, his mom calls, and then eventually his brother calls and texts and he finally texts back that were eating dinner and he’ll call them when were done. They were mad that we werent there by 4 pm (???) to help set up, when they knew we always eat with my fam first. We got there at like 730 and they were visibly upset. We just ignore it and catch up with the rest of the family lol. Its sometimes frustrating because they dont celebrate xmas religiously or culturally, they just like hosting parties. So I wish if they want us there for the whole day to host it on the eve or boxing day. But since they wont, we continue our compromise. 

Post # 4
Member
1258 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

For all other holidays except Thanksgiving and Christmas, we spend together.  For Thanksgiving we switch off – start at one house first, have dinner, then leave a bit early to join the second for dessert.  Christmas is tough.  Until we have kids I prefer to spend Christmas Eve together and then Christmas Day and evening separately.  We did this last year and I remember feeling melancholy for it, so I imagine this is going to change as the years go on.  Into what compromise I am not sure. 

Post # 5
Member
790 posts
Busy bee

We are A unit so where I go,he goes, I go. My family does thanksgiving lunch so his does dinner. My moms side of familydoes Christmas Eve. The only thing we’ve had to compromise on is Christmas morning bc both families did Christmas then. So, we go to mine around 7:30/8 & his around 10. We are home on Christmas by 2 to spend the day just the two of us. 

 

At at the beginning we didn’t know what to do. I made it clear from the beginning though that my expectation is that we stick together no matter what. It helps that we all live within 10 minutes of one another 

Post # 6
Member
1434 posts
Bumble bee

We got really lucky with the holidays our families celebrate. Fiance’s parents are divorced. His mom is Jewish and Dad is christian. His mom also does a big shindig on Thanksgiving. My parents are Jewish, but ethnically (not religiously). My family is Russian and we immigrated to the US when I was a baby, so we don’t really do a big thanksgiving and we also celebrate New Years (big Russian thing). It works out really well because we have the following schedule:

Thanksgiving: Fiance’s mom
Sat or Sun after Thanksgiving: My parents
Hanukkah: Fiance’s mom
Christmas: Fiance’s Dad
New Years: My parents

Post # 7
Member
1749 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

clairhuxtable :  Unfortunately, my husband and I have an estranged relationship with his family that has only gotten worse over the years, so splitting holidays has no longer become necessary. So, we’ll be spending the entire holiday season at my parent’s house (who he has a great relationship with)…and the family members on his side that we get along with will be invited to join the festivities!

Post # 9
Member
6059 posts
Bee Keeper

clairhuxtable :  Good luck! I just rant about it to anyone who will listen LOL. WB is a good outlet too. As long as your Fiance will stand your guys’ ground you’ll be fine. Get the stink eye when you get there, but they’ll get over it LOL.

Post # 10
Member
2642 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

I’m in Australia so we don’t celebrate Thanksgiving here – one less holiday to worry about! My parents are also divorced, so we technically have to split our time between 3 families. Fortunately, us and our families all live in the same city within about 20 minutes drive so it does make it easier.

We do Christmas morning just us (we don’t have kids yet but are expecting our first so this is a tradition we will maintain). We do lunch at my MIL’s, then we do afternoon tea/dessert at my dad’s (usually with a dip in the pool – if they haven’t gone interstate or overseas to visit my step mum’s family) and dinner with my mum. Boxing Day we alternate each year between my FIL’s extended family and my dad’s extended family – this year, we’ll be at the FIL’s festivities.

The only other holiday that is big for us is Easter. Again we do lunch at MIL’s and dinner at mum’s. We will often do something the day before with dad, but 9 times out of 10 they go to visit extended family over Easter so we celebrate with them the weekend before or after instead.

Post # 11
Member
1708 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Our families are both easygoing and understanding. For thanksgiving, it’s nice in Canada because we can celebrate all weekend. We usually do Sunday at my parents and Monday at his parents. For Christmas, we do Christmas Eve with his parents and Christmas with my parents. I think eventually we may start inviting his parents to my parents for Christmas dinner if they want. 

Post # 12
Member
2889 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

We are very fortunate that our families celebrate holidays on different days. His family celebrates thanksgiving on thanksgiving day while my family celebrates the Saturday after so that everyone can attend. His family also celebrates Christmas as a family on Christmas Eve. while my family celebrates on Christmas Day. 

Post # 13
Member
9538 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

For Christmas we switch years. We did last year with my family, this year we will spend it with him.

Thanksgiving is tricker because my husband is a PhD student and doesn’t get much time for Thanksgiving. My family is closer (3 hour drive vs 8 hours) so if we have time to go anywhere we visit my family. This year we don’t have time to travel at all though so we are spending it with friends.

When we have kids this will probably change as I would like to spend some holidays at home with the kids. We will probably move to a 3 year rotation. We have some time before we need to figure that out though.

Post # 14
Member
751 posts
Busy bee

We do all major holidays with his family. His family us huge, and put on a big show for each holiday so it’s great.

With my family, there’s four of us total, and none of us care to celebrate on the actual holiday. We will generally do the days surrounding the holiday, or the following week etc… my family is doing Christmas on the 28th this year. We’re big believers that the holidays can easily be moved to accommdate everyone’s schedules, so we just go with the flow 😊 it’s no less special than if we do Christmas on the 25th.

 

Post # 15
Member
474 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

We are actually very fortunate how things worked out for us when splitting holidays. We spend Thanksgiving with my family since Fiance family isn’t into it. The odd year it will land on his moms birthday so we celebrate that day with her obviously. Christmas Eve is spent with his family and Christmas spent with with mine. 

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