Post # 46
This isn’t normal. I mean, the occasional argument is normal, but to this extent? No. Not normal or ok. I agree with the others on here about that.
My husband and I get frustrated with each other sure, but we really don’t “fight”. Actually our biggest fight so far was over green beans…
Post # 47
rainy578: We dont fight the way a therapist would probably want us to fight, but it works best for both of us.
We are both pretty stubborn and hot heads, so when we argue (which isnt often) we tend to scream and yell at each other for roughly 5 minutes, getting the anger out. Then we storm off on each other and eventually come and talk it out calmly. The time apart varies, but its always discussed and sorted the same day. We have tried to not yell at each other before, but if we dont, we end up yelling during the discussions to sort it out.
That said, throwing things or being physical is too far in my opinion. This is something that needs to be addressed as both of your first prorities.
I think you should seek some personal counselling too as detachment is a coping strategy, but not a healthy one.
Post # 48
My fiance and I have definately been working on our communication over the last couple of years, making it stronger however works for us. I sometimes write down what I want to say, what is bothering me and how we can overcome it, then I will sit down with him, make him put down whatever he is doing and I talk to him about what might be going on and how its making me feel.
When he’s upset or angry he usually goes really quiet, he might step away from the situation for a second to calm down and think about what he needs to say and then he comes back to me and tells me it upsets him that I just said __ or did ___.
I try to never place blame, and I try (emphasis on try) to remember that we both make mistakes, and once we make up and accept that everything is forgiven I never bring up the past again. We remember but never use it in an argument or anything. Usually everything ends with a hug, a kiss and sometimes a boob grab (kidding haha, although that would definately seal the deal 😛 )
I think if you are both getting really angry and having a hard time trying to communicate with each other maybe it could be an idea to try write out what is bothering you and then trying to discuss it all calmly. I find the best time for my fiance and I to talk is on a walk. My head is clear, I feel good and calm and its a good time to talk and listen.
It’s all different for different people, this is just whats worked for us 🙂
Post # 49
- Wedding: November 2016 - Garden
I’m sorry you go through that bee but I’m sorry to say, that isn’t normal at all. Please continue to get help. I don’t want you to get hurt. :((
I can’t say we argue at all. My fiance and I only have “debates” you can say. We don’t raise our voices. Usually if one of us doesn’t want to talk (all me 😑 I’m afraid), we give each other space as much as we need. And come back and make up. Even if you aren’t the person who starts things the better person should always apologize and help their partner grow in love. :)) continue to seek help bee.
This kind of relationship isn’t healthy and it won’t be over till you say it’s over. If you really love him and you really believe this can work then continue to seek counseling. Good luck bee.