(Closed) How do you and your spouse split the Holidays between your families?

posted 4 years ago in Holidays
Post # 31
Member
939 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Ugh…this is so tough. I’m one of 5 kids and he’s one of 4 kids…all are married with kids except my brother (but he has a son). The only in-law other side of fam we have to deal with is my fiance’s side and my brother’s wife’s fam…could be more complicated!

This is our first year for holidays, we started dating last December 2014 & got engaged in August 2015.

We plan to alternate for Thanksgiving – we were going to go to HIS family for Thanksgiving (they’re 3 hrs away from where we live, which is also where all my family lives) BUT I just found out my grandma is having health issues (congestive herat failure)…my fiance is so sweet and suggested we visit them for Thanksgiving since he’s never met my grandparents – they live 8 hours away. His parents did not seem happy. I mentioned they may not make it to the wedding & his mom said “Can’t someone drive them?” (They’re 8 hrs away, no family lives near them BUT bigger of a worry is physically/healthwise I don’t know if they’ll make it because they are 88 and 91..My dad and I worry each time we visit this could be the last time we see them)

For Xmas..we have to figure that out…turns out both our fams do it the Saturday before Christmas (bc our siblings want to be with their kids on Christmas). This should be interesting because his mom told me “Alternate”. 

SURELY there is a way for us both to have Christmas with our families when we are just 3 hours apart and neither is doing it on the same day.

Post # 32
Member
1435 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2008 - Toronto, ON

We spend one day with my family for thanksgiving and then see Dh’s family the following day. For Christmas we will spend Christmas eve at his family’s and then Christmas day with mine. His family lives an hour away, my family lives 5 minutes away! We have a son now, he’s almost 7 months old, we’ll probably wait to open gifts after Christmas day dinner. As he gets older we’ll open gifts Christmas morning at our house before heading to my dad’s but this year we will wait until after dinner so everyone can be there when we open gifts. 

Post # 33
Member
287 posts
Helper bee

Luckily our families live in the same place, so while it is a pain in the ass it’s not too bad.

I spend Christmas Eve and Christmas Day morning with my dad, sister and nephew. My Fiance will wander over early afternoon, we spend another hour or so there then I leave with my Fiance to see his family. His parents are divorced but and still spend the major holidays together. Early evening, we both go to my mum’s and celebrate with my other sister and stepdad. I will spend boxing day at my mums either with or without my Fiance, depending on what he is doing.

It’s always a bit of a hassle, but seeing my family and his all on Christmas day is important. 

Post # 35
Member
2238 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

My Darling Husband is Jewish, so that helps a bit!

We switch off between families for Thanksgiving every year. This year is his family’s year. For Christmas, we spend Christmas Eve and day with my family, then go to his family’s friend’s party in the evening. My mom’s family usually celebrates Christmas the weekend after the actual holiday, so we attend that, too. DH’s family doesn’t do anything for Hannukah, so there’s nothing to celebrate there.

Post # 36
Member
589 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Scottish Rite Cathedral (New Castle, PA)

sammylouwho:  We host Thanksgiving and our families come to us, our families get along with each other so it’s not too big of a deal. It’s definitely still awkward at times but it’s what we’ve been doing the past few years. Christmas we’ve done either morning/lunch at my family and dinner at is (which was way too busy), Christmas eve at one and Christmas at the other, or last year my family came down for dinner at my in-laws place. I don’t think there’s ever a perfect solution unfortunately =/

Post # 37
Member
249 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

sammylouwho:  Make it easy: start your own holidy traditions at your own house!  Way less people spreading germs too

Post # 38
Member
34 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Thanksgiving at my house is always up in the air when we will have it or if we will have it. We typically spend Thanksgiving with his family for the reason. If my family has it it is usually on a different day. Christmas has been a ritual since we started dating. I have a little sister who faithfully still believes in Santa. He drives over to my house between 5:30-7 each Christmas morning to wake my sister up. If we are lucky we can sleep a few more hours before she wakes up. We do a small thing here with my parents and sister then head to his house for Christmas there. 

Post # 39
Member
893 posts
Busy bee

our family members live all over the country, so we just alternate each year.  nobody makes a big deal out of it. they have friends and other relatives they can visit if family is not available. 

Post # 40
Member
487 posts
Helper bee

For now, I’m spoiled and we do all our holidays with my family, because my SOs dad lives in Florida and we’re in the northeast.  We do spend a week or two with his dad in the summer when we can take longer vacations, and our finances right now don’t allow us to go more than once a year.  His brother and SIL are expecting, though, so I’m wondering if his dad will travel home for future Christmases now that he’ll be a grandpa.  If so, we’d probably split Christmas Eve and Christmas day between the families.

Post # 41
Member
7905 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

We live far from both sets of parents, so we usually do the holidays ourselves. We still talk to them over the phone to send holiday greetings though. It’s much lower stress than being there in person!

Post # 42
Member
1165 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

sammylouwho:  So we dont do this yet because we arent married right now, but I LOVE this idea from a friend of mine. His parents do Christmas and Thanksgiving a few days after the actual day. This is so their children can go to their in-laws for the holidays and spend it with them.

I love this idea because you’ll never have to choose on who’s house to go to for the holiday. Plus, you can work on the holiday and get extra pay and then you can request the day off when your family is doing their holiday and you’re likely to get it off because its not the day of Thanksgiving or Christmas.

Post # 43
Member
176 posts
Blushing bee

Thanksgiving with mom and step dad (5 hours away). We go back to see them the weekend before Christmas as well. Then Christmas Eve dinner with boyfriend’s grandma/extended family, Christmas Eve late night with his dad/his gf and her kids and we head home so we can wake up at home Christmas AM. Then we head over to his mom’s for immediate family breakfast/presents which his dad still attends which is nice. Mom’s extended family comes over later in day. 

My dad lives 10 hours away so it’s tough seeing each other on holidays since I don’t get a ton of time off around them. 

Post # 44
Member
435 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

My family lives in Canada and FI’s are in England. Since we live in England, it’s a no-brainer: We celebrate the holidays with his family. If it were possible, we’d alternate. 

Post # 45
Member
348 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2017 - Combermere Abbey

Not married but in a committed relationship – xmas with his family, Boxing Day with mine then swap every year 

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