(Closed) How do you and your spouse split the Holidays between your families?

posted 4 years ago in Holidays
Post # 46
298 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

We’re kind of playing it by ear because our families are spread among five states. We sort of rotate visits between his sister, his mom and my parents, and my sister visits my parents when we do. Year one, his sis visited us for thanksgiving and we visited my parents for Christmas. Year two, we did thanksgiving at my parents and Christmas at home. We visited his mom shortly after. This year, we had our wedding at my parents, thanksgiving at his sister’s and Christmas at his mom’s. So complicated! Next year we want to move to my parents’ city so who knows where we’ll be??

Post # 47
737 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2025

We do both families for each holiday – my family tries to be flexible since there’s only four of us and his family does big family get togethers of like 40+ people.

Thanksgiving usually works out as his family typically hosts theirs on the Saturday of the long weekend and mine will do the Sunday or Monday of the thanksgiving long weekend.

Christmas is another story! We drive about 2.5 hours to go to his extended family gathering and then 2.5 hours back and then head directly to my parents place Christmas dinner. And then we host a party at our place for all of our friends who came home for Christmas! Whew!

Post # 48
1133 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Darling Husband and I have a similar problem. His parents are divorced, so we have 3 places to go. We worked it out so we do his mom’s in the morning for breakfast, mine at 1-2 for lunch and his dad’s for the evening. And then his mom does a Christmas dinner on Boxing Day with his brother, SIL and niece too.

Post # 49
7819 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Our families live locally so it’s not too bad. His divorced parents just pick other weekends around Thanksgiving to celebrate (his mom before and his dad the weekend after) and we have Thanksgiving day at my parents. Christmas morning his mom has a Christmas breakfast, then we come back to our house and my parents come over. We have kids and I’m not tearing them away from all their new toys all Christmas Day to travel around. We go to his dad’s house the weekend after Christmas.

Post # 50
48 posts
  • Wedding: September 2013

We spend Christmas eve with my parents and Christmas morning with his.  Then we do dinner on Christmas day with my whole extended family.  This year my parents are hosting thr dinner with the extended family on Christmas eve.  This is great for us because his parents will be there too so we will just stay home Christmas day!

Post # 51
2734 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Christmas is easy because DH’s family has always celebrated on Christmas Eve (which was never a big day for my family) and my family celebrates Christmas Day (when DH’s family does nothing beyond church in the morning). Darling Husband has 6 siblings – 5 married and we’ve all managed to somehow coordinate Thanksgiving on a year-on/year-off schedule. This year it’s the “in-laws” year for DH’s family so we will be going to my family. Next year we will all be at his family’s.

Easter is usually a toss up. We usually spend it with DH’s family since he has 10 neices and nephews and we like to set up the Easter Egg hunt with them and my family just has a few people over for dinner. If we can, we try to go to both famillies but it depends on who is hosting (my mom – we go, my aunt who lives an hour away – we don’t).

We’ve been doing this since we’ve been dating and it’s worked out really well. I’m sure once we have kids it will be a bigger deal since both sets of grandparents will want to see their grandkids on all holidays.

Post # 52
1361 posts
Bumble bee

One side comes to our house Christmas Eve. We go to the otherside on Christmas Day. We alternate who comes to us each year.

Post # 53
7199 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

sammylouwho:  My mom’s side of the family does the day after Thanksgiving every year so that makes it a little easier. We generally do Thanksgiving day with my dad’s side of the family and squeeze in my in-laws on another day- usually the Saturday before or after. Both my SILs are divorced so the kids go to their dads some holidays and it’s just easier to be flexible.

Christmas is similar- Christmas Eve with dad’s side, Christmas day with mom’s and squeeze in the SILs somewhere the week between Christmas and New Year. The couple of times the SILs were available on the actual holiday I’ve skipped Dad’s side to be with them. This year, though, we’re skipping Thanksgiving altogether and staying at a B&B and going to a fancy dinner together. It’s my birthday and our first married holiday so we’re being selfish and no one seems to mind much 🙂

Post # 54
320 posts
Helper bee

With difficulty. Our parents live many states from each other, we have some divorced parents, and they all seem to want the same holidays. We refuse to split up and have not done so since the first year we dated. The first few years we did Xmas with his side and thanksgiving with mine

which I hated because my side doesn’t do much for thanksgiving. Last year we switched that but his family didn’t want to do thanksgiving either. So we just did both holidays with my family. His side ended up moving family Christmas to another date without talking to us and then getting upset when we couldn’t come. This year our work schedules dictate that travel won’t really be possible so we are doing thanksgiving with my family And probably Christmas alone. The best advice I have is that keeping things even can be hard. Try to alternate, but don’t feel bad if it isn’t perfect. They are your holidays too and you shouldn’t be beholden to 4 other parents’ ideas of how you have to holiday.  

Post # 55
1955 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

We host Christmas lunch with his family, and see mine a few days after. My Gran puts on Christmas Eve lunch and dinner, Christmas Day lunch and dinner, Boxing Day dinner and the day after that dinner.

Post # 56
9198 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

thanksigivng is my mom’s holiday.  my mom, brother, and i always traveled for thanksgiving.  we pick a different city to explore every year.  when I met Darling Husband, he joined us. he had no particular tradition for thanksgiving.

we celebrate hanukkah, and fortunately it is 8 days.  we will spend one evening with DH’s mom’s side, one evening with DH’s dad’s side, and usually my mom and brother will come over to our house one night.

Post # 57
88 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2016 - Rock Island Lake Club

We switch off every year.  My parents are split up, but his arent.  So we have three families to rotate.  We usually do one family Thanksgiving… and visit another the day after.  Christmas Eve is at my Dad’s (it was always like that growing up, and now my brother is in the same boat with his daughter) so that will never change.  We also have to go to his parents Christmas Eve.  His parents throw a party every year and it’s a big deal to Fiance that we go, so we do.  As for Christmas we have one family over to our house for breakfast and we go elsewhere for dinner.  Buttttt once we have kids we will not be leaving our house on Christmas Day.

Post # 58
1130 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

sammylouwho:  This year will be the first Thanksgiving my Darling Husband and I celebrate as a married couple.  Last year we got married on 12/13 and spent the holidays with both families.  We went to his first then my parents.  We live in the same city so it works for us.  This year I have no idea how we are going to do it as I hate having to leave my parents home and go to his.   Since your situation is different I would suggest drawing names and see where you guys get to spend the holidays with this year.  And then make some time afte the holidays to visit everyone else.  

Post # 59
2692 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I live out of the country from my family so it’s just hubby’s family that we celebrate with.  I host Thanksgiving every year so everyone comes to us.  As for Christmas it is very lowkey and we stay home.  We might get invited to friends or hubby’s cousin’s  on Christmas eve but that is the extent of it.  We usually stay home.

Post # 60
423 posts
Helper bee

My divorced parents and then step-parents made Christmas so unpleasant for so many years while I was growing up that when I moved away to the opposite coast, I instituted “Christmas in July”. I visit my family in July and we have our Christmas celebration then. It’s quite nice because the weather is much easier to deal with, everyone is much more calm, and nobody else has other holiday-related obligations so we can spend more time together in total.

Actual Christmas Day we spend with my SO’s family because they are local. Thanksgiving we alternate between hosting friends at our house, and attending SO’s family’s Thanksgiving dinner. I like having the option of a low-key, at-home holiday. Family politics can be rough!

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