(Closed) How do you approach showers?

posted 6 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
4284 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I wouldn’t ask at all. I also wouldn’t throw a party for yourself. It can come off very gift grabby. I would just sit back and if they approach you then wonderful!

Post # 4
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

It feels gauche because it is.  We brides should NOT plan our own showers – they are a gift giving event, and it looks gift grabby if we do so.

I’m sorry to tell you, but if no one offers to throw you a shower, then you do not have one.  On the up side, some people will see that you didn’t have a shower and be extra generous with wedding gifts.

Post # 5
16213 posts
Honey Beekeeper

I don’t think it hurts to talk to your Future Mother-In-Law or Future Sister-In-Law about showers at all. It’s part of the wedding process; it shouldn’t catch them off-guard.

Post # 6
3175 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Why not have your fiance ask if they are planning to throw a shower, as you’re trying to plan out your weekends?

Or, just tell them that you’d love to use your wedding as an excuse to have a fun, girls’ get together & see if they have ideas or are interested in participating in something like that? You could always tell them that you don’t mind doing something that is “no gifts”.

On one hand, I do see how it’s presumptuous to ask about parties thrown in your honor, but I feel that if you’re really close to someone, they’ll understand your intentions.

Post # 7
6124 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I think this is something that a bride does not hint or ask.  Not everyone gets a shower either.  Think of it as a bonus, not a given event.

If someone wants to put the time, effort and money into a shower for you, they will think of it themselves.  If no one has stepped forward, then it’s best to not mention it.

I didn’t get any showers or parties either (back when I had a full on wedding planned).  All of my guests were in different states, so just blame it on logistics perhaps.


The consensus I have heard – however – is that you, the bride, can plan your own girls night out or tea party as long as it is not wedding related.  However, I think they seems so close that I’d probably not even do that.

Post # 8
1798 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I think its totally fine to hint or ask them about a shpwer. They may not know the protocol or may be expecting your family or bridal shower to do it. I also don’t see a problem with throwing a ladies afternoon tea, or something similar as long as its clear that it isn’t a shower and gifts aren’t expected.

Post # 10
2854 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Actually, I just asked if I needed to save any dates. I told them no pressure, but spring is a crazy busy time of year. They didn’t seem to mind.

Post # 11
1572 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

My mother and sisters are throwing it with the help of my BMs and sister in law.

Post # 12
434 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I think mentioning something depends on the people involved, etc. some people would find it gauche and some people may be more laid-back. 

What happened to me was that my grandmother told me she wanted to throw my shower the day I got engaged. But then she had to have a last minute surgery before the wedding and wasn’t able to. My mother was essentially planning/paying for my entire wedding, and she was going to take on the shower too. I was on the verge of canceling when I decided to just call one of my bridesmaids and see if she could just help my mom organize everything since she had so much on her plate. Instead, my Bridesmaid or Best Man offered to host and throw the entire thing, it was extremely generous. You never know how people will respond. 

Post # 13
399 posts
Helper bee

if you’re not worried about the gifts 🙂 just plan a girl’s night at your place with wine and don’t make it about the wedding, make it about spending quality time with all thos women who are so imprtant in your life. it sounds liek thats what you really want!

The topic ‘How do you approach showers?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors