How do you arrange financial side of your marriage?

posted 2 years ago in Finances
Post # 31
Member
2374 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

While I know that it works for some couples to have separate finances/contribute 50/50, it’s also not realistic for the vast majority of people. Couples are teams, and both teammates need to be on board with that. What happens if you get laid off? Does he make you charge your bills to credit cards? 

My Fiance makes ~60% of our household income. Before engagement, we split things proportionately. Now that we’re on the verge of our wedding, we have moved to joint checking/savings with a small amount left in our personal accounts for fun money (coffee, lunch with a friend, etc). If one of us is struggling, that means both of us are struggling, and regardless of how a couple handles their money, letting one person struggle is letting the team fail. I think you very much need to have a come-to-Jesus talk.

Post # 32
Member
1457 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

If that’s his attitude then he learns to live to the standard YOU can afford. It’s not exactly fair to expect you to live to his standard when you don’t make as much money! 

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elfzzz :  

Post # 33
Member
1457 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

You mentioned he’s 14 years older than you so perhaps ask him what his salary was when he was 34?? He has fourteen more years of work experience than you so of course he’d earn more, to expect you to match his earning potential is just insane…

and lastly, nothing in life is ever totally equal, it’s about striking a balance that works for your family unit but he’s obviously ok with hurting you for the betterment of himself.

Post # 34
Member
9262 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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elfzzz :  He’s awful. Is this really completely out of the blue? If so, he’s either met someone new or started taking advice from a horrible friend. In either case, you’re better off without him. What a jerk. 

Post # 35
Member
543 posts
Busy bee

Everything of ours is 100% shared, there is no “Mine” and “Yours. 

Post # 36
Member
2803 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

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elfzzz :  Well he sounds like a peach.  My husband makes nearly double what I do (I work in the arts – you don’t do that to get rich, you do it because you love it).  He pays 2/3 of our joint expenses, I pay 1/3 – because that’s how it balances out with our salaries.  We have a joint account, which we each contribute to (again, he puts in twice as much as I do) and all bills come out of that.  We have retained our own accounts and any of our own purchases come out of those (so for me, clothes, and for him, computer parts and gadgets!).  But that’s a moot point – your husband’s attitude is appalling.  If he wants to buy an expensive house/car/whatever, you put in what you can afford and he pays the rest.  Expecting you to pay 50% regardless is utterly ridiculous.

Post # 37
Member
3431 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

My husband makes more. We usually pay somewhat equally for household expenses, but DH pays for our vacations. Right now my income is lower than usual because I’m getting less hours at work and so DH is paying most of our expenses. 

Post # 38
Member
5098 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

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elfzzz :  we put everything in one pot and consider everything as ours combined.

We started out keeping our before marriage savings separate but the more joint investing we did with property as a married couple, the less sense it made for us to keep that small portion separate. What we have now is a result of us both combining our strengths to work together. I actually bought a bigger pot to play with and earn a lot more than hubby but without his skill set (he’s super handy and can make/fix/build anything) we wouldn’t have been able to achieve what we have. He is definitely welcome to more of our financial pot that what he may have invested in monetary wise. I personally would never feel right dividing it up any different in marriage or divorce.

Ultimately people need to do what they feel works as a couple. 

Post # 39
Member
5098 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

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elfzzz :  just read your update.

OP, never marry someone selfish and who always takes to their advantage. He’s the kind of guy that would expect you to take care of the your kids 100 percent of the time and take a hit to your career and earning potential and say ‘to bad for you but you still need to contribute x amount a month’ and watch you trying to scrabble without a care for your wellbeing.

He’s shown you who he is. Believe him. 

Post # 40
Member
1088 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2019

I would literally lose my Shit. I graduated top of my class, through the roof test scores, worked my ass off. But I don’t make much money because I became a teacher. My husband struggled in school, (though it wasn’t fully lack of effort school is just not his forte) his planned career path bombed and he ended up in retail and now makes way more than me. Implying income is correlated to life effort makes me fume. If a guy ever pointed out I make less and it’s my fault I would be out the door so fast his head would spin. 

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elfzzz :  

Post # 41
Member
1510 posts
Bumble bee

Your partner sounds like a jerk. If couple onsosot on 50/50 split then that needs to be according to the means of the person who makes less. Also, that doesn’t work in the long run. This doesn’t sound like a partnership.

I’m a big fan of the % split.I also think that the agreement can change. At the moment I cannot imagine having totally combined finances, but I’m sure that can change down the line.

Post # 42
Member
1367 posts
Bumble bee

Oh wow I read your update and your fiancé is a complete jerk. Marriage isn’t about who makes more money, it’s about valuing the other person and all of their contributions. Contributing to a marriage has very little to do with money. Honestly if I were told that I had to fund a certain lifestyle and  “it’s my problem” if I couldn’t, I would not marry that person. 

Post # 43
Member
14095 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

We have mostly joint everything.  We both have separate checking accounts with a very small percent of our incomes deposited into it for fun money – surprises for each other, namely.  While we both make roughly the same, we would always just pay our expenses out of the joint account.  

What’s his is mine, and what’s mine is his.  Household expenses come out of OUR money regardless of who contributed what.

Post # 44
Member
9444 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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elfzzz :  one family, one team, 100% joint bank accounts. Who makes more is completely irrelevant to us. 

Post # 45
Member
5506 posts
Bee Keeper

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elfzzz :  Where did you find this guy? Under a rock? Lots of creepy shit grows under rocks. 

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