How do you arrange financial side of your marriage?

posted 2 years ago in Finances
Post # 62
4911 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I agree that you are asking the wrong question, but to answer the original one:

We have a joint checking account, two joint savings (emergency & general), and one joint investmnet account. The only “separate” money is in our IRAs and when we’re are eligible to access that money, it’ll be shared, as well.

Right now, I outearn my husband sligthly (but he puts a lot into his pension and pays for our health insurance). The balance has shifted a few times, but we haven’t split expenses since we got engaged. (We did split ciosts when we were living together pre-engagement). For awhile, we had addtional separte checking accounts for spending money, but that was impractical when my husband went back to school and wasn’t bringing in much, so we closed them. 

Life as a committed couple is about being a team – it’s not the same as two roommates splitting the costs, wich is what your SO seems to see it as. Also, all large expenses (rent, mortgage, vehicels, etc.) need to be jointly agreed upon. If he INSISTS on splitting it (which I would see as a red flag), it should at least be proportional to income, not 50/50.

I think his attitutde toward “his” and “your” money is a bad sign.


Post # 62
1124 posts
Bumble bee

We treat all of our money as shared. Whomever has their credit card on them tends to pay for random things, but my husband makes more than me, so he puts anything major on his card, he paid for our car, the assumption is our down-payment, mortgage etc will come out of his income. We have typically maintained two homes (because my job is in another state) and I usually pay for all the stuff for my place—which is in a much cheaper location, he pays it all for our primary home in a much more expensive location. But generally speakign we both just utterly trust each other and buy whatever we want. For anything expensive he pays, since has more though its informal. We agreed that my whole income minus daily expenses would go into our kid’s college savings (because it just happened to work out on average to what our annual contribution should be) so in a sense most of my living and fun spending comes out of his income, but all my money gets used to our joint project. We talk through everything major and make decisions together. He endlessly talks me through our retirement savings (which is mostly his savings, in the sense that it comes from money he has put into retirement, but he treats it as both of ours and assumes it will be, and asks me before he makes any decisions about it)

Even when we were dating, he mostly bought more expensive things, because I made less. His view loosely, was if there was anything that I wouldn’t have done without him (like going out to an expensive restaurant, or going traveling) then he should pay. 

All of this is easy for us because we have talked a lot and have the same values around money and full transparency around our financial decisions. I can’t imagine him choosing to spend money in a way I would mind, nor me for him (I mean, he buys camera equipment, which I wouldn’t do, but I buy workout gear, which he wouldn’t do, so same-same). As a result, we don’t need much in terms of structure—we just do our thing and end up meeting our savings goals together. 

Also– WTF? I just saw your partner’s claim about work. I have four degrees from Ivy league universities, including three advanced degrees. I also make a third what my husband (who just has a bachelor’s degree has) and I work way more hours per day than he does. It took a shit ton of work to make as little money as I do. Effort does not corellate into income! And my husband would NEVER imply that I am less hard working than him because I earn less. 

Post # 63
5096 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
@elfzzz:  joint everything for us. We have a different accounts for different things likes bills, savings, fun money etc but with both our names on them. Just easier for us as a married couple.

Post # 64
3183 posts
Sugar bee

Why are people commenting on the zombie thread?!?

Post # 65
1642 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
@mrsaime:  Someone resurrected it and the rest of us haven’t noticed it’s two years old?!

Post # 66
17 posts

We have a joint account, only thing separate is that we each have a line of credit to ensure we both build credit (an issue my mom had trying to sign for my sisters card was she hadnt had credit of her own for 20 yrs, my dad was the primary on everything). Fiance makes double what I do now, but im sure that will change in the future and it doesnt bother us. I cook more and do all the budgeting, gift getting etc.

Post # 67
389 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

My husband makes over twice as much as me. All money including bonuses goes into one pot and we decide together on any big purchases. Day to day we do as we please. 

However the issue here is less about money and more about attitude and being a complete arsehole. Rarely have I ever read something so awful! Who does this man think he is? I’d leave him and all his super hard earned money to be very happy together. Hopefully it will keep him warm at night. What a twat. 

Post # 68
810 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
@teaandcake:  It takes three years for a zombie thread to auto-close.  Perhaps that should be shortened to one year.  Even one year might be too long, as mods have closed some 6 month old threads.

Having said that, I’m not opposed to resurrecting relevant threads, but usually new ones on the same topic would be better since the posters would all be current rather than the many (on a thread like this) that are no longer here.

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