(Closed) How do you ask a friend-of-the-family to be your officiant?

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
1676 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Not sure how to answer this, but just wanted to say that we are in the same boat.  We are hoping to ask a fam. friend to officate.  He’s not ordained or anything, but we are actually already legally married, so our formal ceremony is really just for show. 

In terms of payment, I think you can just ask what he usually charges for wedding ceremonies.  Chances are, since he’s a family friend he will probably refuse payment (or at very least offer a discount), but you should definitely ask.

Post # 4
2530 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Just either email or call him and tell him that you heard he was an officiant and it would mean a lot to you guys to be married by someone you know. I bet you he will be honored. Then once he says yes, you can just ask him what he usually charges and expect to pay him that. If he gives you a discount, thats great, but dont expect it. Or if he says free of charge you can just get him a nice gift to present to him after the ceremony.

Post # 5
118 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Definetly give him a call or send him an email and ask if he’d officiate at your wedding.  If you wanted to be a little more creative, you could make a “Will you be my officiant?” card, or invite him to dinner and “propose” to him (I saw that suggestion on the boards!), but it also depends on how close you are with him.

As for payment – I’m a full-time proffesional wedding officiant, and when a friend asked me to officiate at her wedding, I told her I’d love to, and then replied with my fee.  I did offer her a 50% discount off of my usual fee, but I wouldn’t expect to get a free ceremony out of it (unless he only does ceremonies for family and friends).  Once he accepts, he will probably tell you his fee or requirements, and, if not, just ask.  If he does it for free or super low cost, it may be nice to offer him a hotel room or transportation costs.

Good luck!!

Post # 6
7172 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Our officiant is also a good friend.  I wanted to do a goofy ‘proposal’ but the more I thought about it – the more awkward it became.  We ended up telling him we wanted to grab drinks with him and in the process of the conversation asked him what he was doing the weekend of our wedding and asked if he would do the honor of marrying us.  🙂  

As for payment – just be upfront about it and tell them you know their time is valuable and you’d like to compensate them accordingly.  

We didn’t have the discussion, but will likely either give ours cash or a gift/gift card for something as a thank you.



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