(Closed) How do you ask for $$$ contribution?

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
4139 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Proceed as if you are paying for everything. Plan what you can afford. If they want to contribute, they will offer it. 

Post # 3
Member
7432 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Stick with planning what you can afford to pay for on your own. Your parents can notice that weddings are expensive and of bring the subject of a gift up with you if they are so inclined.

Post # 4
Member
4943 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I think you assume you will receive nothing and plan accordingly. If you do, it will be a pleasant surprise. 

Post # 5
Member
8469 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

sylwia212:  do not ask and plan based on what you and your fiance alone can afford. If they don’t contribute it doesn’t matter and if they do…..well hey you saved yourself some money for something else! 

Post # 6
Member
2076 posts
Buzzing bee

You never ask for money.  If your parents or your Fiance parents want to contribute, they will tell you.  Also remember that if they do contribute then they get a say in your wedding plans, so take that into consideration before accepting any money contributions.

So until someone says otherwise, plan a wedding that you and your Fiance can afford.

Post # 7
Member
289 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I would just plan as if you were paying for it, but with each milestone you make, tell them! 

Example, “oh, I ordered my save the dates today…” “we went to look at this great venue today”

Perhaps that will que someone in to say, “Let me get that for you…” 

If not, then you’re still paying for what you’ve chosen and you can afford.

Post # 9
Member
2122 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

Don’t ask for money. Not for anything ever.

Post # 10
Member
1053 posts
Bumble bee

Plan for the wedding YOU can afford and if you get money, then it’s a pleasant surprise. 

Post # 11
Member
560 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Sorry wrong thread i totally missed posted

 

Post # 12
Member
3915 posts
Honey bee

I disagree with not asking up front. Your Fiance can ask his parents and you can ask yours so it’s less awkward. A girl in my extended family has divorced parents and she knew her mom was contributing, but she felt it wasn’t fair for her mom to do everything and not even ask her dad. Turned out he had no desire to help, but at least she knew that and could budget accordingly. My parents had established a wedding budget years before I was engaged, because I have a lot of siblings so I knew. My husband ended up asking his parents if they wanted to plan or host any part of the wedding (sounds nicer than asking about money). They had actually assumed my parents would cover everything just because my parents have money, but when they realized my parents weren’t going to just hand me a blank check it dawned on them that it would be nice for them to contribute, especially when they contributed to their other children’s weddings. I think knowing where you stand also sets the tone for things like the guest list and invitations. If they straight up say they can’t or won’t contribute, then you at least know how your invitations should be worded and you know that as the host you have the right to control the guest list and other aspects in case someone gets pushy.

Post # 13
Member
3903 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

sylwia212:  i know what you mean. I hate that limbo feeling…. when we announced we are engaged, my mom said she absolutely wants to pay for my dress, veil, shoes. She is strjggling financially trying to put 2 of my siblings through college and i said thanks but it’s really not necessary cause she is struggling already, she wouldnt have none of that and 6 months later she is still insisting she is paying for it. Ok then. Thank you! And no one else said anything (my parents are divorced) so I need to know if dad is adamant about contributing anything and had the hardst time figuring if and what he is. I told him mom is insistng to pay for… is there anything you are insisting in paying for cause we need to know in advance, and if you cant that fine. He said he is gifting us 2k to be used towards the honeymoon. Yay! Ok so that is all clear now. FI’s parents are still married, and are leaps and bounds ahead of both my parents financially…. but they havent said anything AT ALL. Which annoys the crap out of me. And im going to talk to my Fiance about asking them, we arent asking for money per se, we just need to know ahead of time if they are planning to contribute anything. Our engagement is 2years and 2 months long…. and we are 6 months in, so maybe they are waiting another year before telling us they are, but we wouldn like to know at least a year out. So maybe he will ask them next time we see them. For now we are going about as if they are not. 

Post # 14
Member
483 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I agree with everyone else, don’t ask for the money. If they offer it, they do, if they dont, do not expect it.

My parents offered about $2,000 for our wedding, THEY brought it up because they assisted my brother with some of his wedding costs and they offered that amount to my sister when she decided to look into getting married, so when I mentioned I was engaged, my mother told me they had that amount saved.

My FMIL- has not offered anything. My Fiance thought maybe she would help with something since she is financially stable, and always brags about her money and would send money to his siblings, however we have not asked and honestly, I do not think she is interested in contributing. I honestly could care less if she does or doesnt, we know what we are willing and comfortable spending and figured out how much we each need to put in for what we want to save. If, later on down the road, she offers something, great, it would be something extra, but I am not counting or assuming or asking.

My Future Father-In-Law is not well financially and does not work, so we just would like him to come and have no expectations of contributions.

Post # 15
Member
2394 posts
Buzzing bee

I agree with the others. Plan the wedding that you can afford (if you don’t want to postpone until 2017, consider scaling back) and if you get a monetary gift from either set of parents then that will be a nice surprise. 

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