(Closed) How do you ask for $$$ contribution?

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 31
Member
73 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

sylwia212:  I know a few couples who had financial help from their parents and I know lots of couples who paid for everything themselves. Personally, I would never ask or expect anything from anyone. My fiance and I look at marriage as a big milestone in an adult’s life and it would be kinda strange to ask mom and dad for money when we’re supposed to be grown ups. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a long engagement- it’s kind of like a practice “For richer, for poorer…” 

Post # 32
Member
2713 posts
Sugar bee

Of you are old enough to be married, you are old enough to pay for it.

Post # 33
Member
454 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I’m also apparently in the minority of people who think that depending on your relationship with your parents this shouldn’t be a big deal at all. only if I knew my parents were in a tight financial spot would I feel uncomfortable talking to them about money. I would never say “hey what money are you giving me” but i think you can easily word it in a way that is fine such as: “so we are starting to look at venues and plan guest count etc, and are trying to figure out budget, but we aren’t sure what we can afford, were you planning on contributing anything to the wedding?” Not a big deal to me if you give them an easy out and make it clear that you are totally fine with hosting on your own. You can even say something About how you will probably have it in 2017 and were thinking of limiting the guest list to 50 people or whatever its not like that will be a secret if its what happens 

Post # 34
Member
25 posts
Newbee

I think you need to make a decision soon. it just gets more awkward the longer you leave it. We have been engaged a year and getting married this June. My mum, who does not have a lot, surprised is with £2000 which she had been saving, while FIs parents, who are quite well off, haven’t offered anything at all. We have tried to keep them involved, letting them know about plans, feeding in info about bargains we got. We also requested money for Christmas to help pay for the wedding instead of presents and they ignored this and bought us presents anyway. So, a year down the line, we still have no idea if they will contribute anything (to the point where we don’t even know if they will give us anything towards our honeymoon, which is what we asked from guests instead of having a gift registry, I bet they will still get us a gift instead).

It is now quite awkward between Fiance and his parents as he just wants to know either way and he’s quite upset they they gave £15000 towards his sisters wedding (I know traditionally parents pay for the bride but her husbands parents also gave £15000). 

Post # 35
Member
374 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I straight up asked and also said if youre not then thats fine i just want to know where i stand money wise, no offense was taken at all. Pressumption is the devil i say, to pressume they would be offended, to pressume they will offer/wont offer, to pressume to pressume. Just ask! (Nicely) 

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