Post # 1
Member
15 posts
Newbee
Do you find yourself looking at the bridal magazine and wedding blogs and think you’re coming up short? I do.
One thing I love about WeddingBee is that bees share what didn’t work as advertised on DIY projects (infamous paper pom poms). So I don’t feel like a failure when a DIY project doesn’t turn out like its pretty online picture.
But… I keep finding myself wanting to tackle DIY projects alone so that no one knows my first ten or twenty attempts at paper flowers (or some other thing) were total screw ups. I feel like there shouldn’t be a right or wrong. There shouldn’t be this imaginary bar you have to measure up to.
Want to know my biggest fear? Why I’m hesitant to bring friends in on DIY projects? My biggest fear is that I’ll be labeled a bridezilla. So… I end up withdrawing and battening down and tackling DIY projects with my FH. Maybe it’s just me, but it’s hard to know what’s a reasonable request and what’s not. It’s hard to know when you’re excluding friends who want to help.
Today for me, being a bride brings guilt. I want to try out every idea I have so that if I decide to scrap an idea or if an approach doesn’t work, I won’t have wasted my friends’ time.
Have you found a balance between doing it all yourself and including friends? Is it ok that the people who want to help aren’t the people in your wedding party? How are you dealing with friends who are hurt you didn’t ask them to help with your DIY projects? Have you found it hard to ask for help?
Post # 3
Member
66 posts
Worker bee
My friend D’s bridal shower involved the BM’s creating all the center pieces. Unfortunately none of us had done flower arranging before. D cared about them looking perfect so ultimately we did thinks like de-thorn roses, and cut stems, and she arranged the pieces.
I think you can ask your friends to help, but then give them foolproof tasks so that they don’t feel annoyed that you are demanding “impossible” levels of perfection and you don’t feel annoyed that they aren’t delivering things on the level you would like. Seemed to work for us 🙂
Post # 4
Member
6571 posts
Bee Keeper
i also did most of my diy stuff by myself, but mainly because i had the time to do it (wasn’t working during planning) so i didn’t want to bother people who were working and make them spend their time doing my wedding stuff. i did get help from my mom for my cookies for our favors though, because that’s way too big of a task for anybody to do alone. at first i wanted perfection, and i had an idea of what i wanted them to look like. my mom had another idea, and was decorating them a completely different way. i also am terrified of being a “bridezilla” so i just let her go, after all she was being a huge help to me and they’re only cookies. well they turned out soooo cute! sometimes it’s good to have other people help you, they bring different ideas to the table that you never would have thought of.
Post # 5
Member
3997 posts
Honey bee
I haven’t included friends on any DIY projects. I’m sure they’d try to find time to help. And I’d love to have all the girls get together and have fun. But schedules are hard to work around. So its ended up being fun projects to do with the Fiance. He ends up feeling involved. I just have to have a glass of wine available because he’s not too crafty, so he needs a remedial demonstration and it can get frustrating! Lol. But at least he’s willing to try!
Post # 6
Member
1752 posts
Buzzing bee
I too feel like my weddin gisn’t “good enough” and I don’t know if there is a way to stop thinking that.
I am going to try to start focusing on how to make the wedding more about me and my fiance, and not worry about how much we spent, or how big the centerpieces are… It’s REALLY hard to do though. You just want everything to be perfect.
But honestly, if I were given 50,000 for my wedding right now… 2.75 months before the big day… I’m pretty sure I’d just put it in the bank…
Post # 7
Member
3761 posts
Honey bee
I am only having friends help to “bounce ideas off of” or something that I know they can handle (dethorning roses, gluing pieces together, etc). That way there is no pressure on them to be perfect and you don’t have to try to control your temper when they mess it up or do it totally different than you wanted it.
Post # 8
Member
2702 posts
Sugar bee
i haven’t had a chance to tell my bm’s or friends about DIY wedding projects, because besides the ideas and buying supplies, i haven’t even found time to do them yet!
one of these days i’m going to have them over for some wine, chick flicks, and paper pomming 🙂
Post # 9
Member
15 posts
Newbee
Thank you all for your comments! I actually hadn’t yet figured out our DIY projects – so maybe starting there with friends who want to help would give them a sense of inclusion. All of our DIY projects are something that is us not something that we’re doing because we saw on a blog (hence why I sometimes feel we’re not living up to what people expect in a wedding). And for friends that I know have little free time but want to help now, I’ll delegate projects I know are fail-safe (table runner sewing). Our first DIY project was our Save the Dates and website and my FH and I worked on them together. I really enjoyed that as I didn’t know he was excited about the process as much as I am.
Post # 10
Member
359 posts
Helper bee
All of the online bridal info/ideas/everything can definitely get to you – but you have to remember that your guests havent spent the last year reading through page after page of wedding ideas…I’m sure your wedding will be unique and beautiful to your guests!
As far as hiding your first 10-20 mistakes on a DIY project, why not make those mistakes with your DIY helpers? that way when everyones first 10 paper flowers dont work out, they will know you had to toss yours too. Figuring it out together & having several people trying to find the best way seems like a better process than having you go it alone (your friends may surprise you and end up giving you tips too).
As far as whether you should invite friends to help – you can always ask if they are interested in helping or even ask if they have any special crafting skills (so you can pick projects accordingly), but be sure to give them an easy out if they’re not interested or not the DIY type. Just tell them about the project and what day you’re thinking of tackling it, that way if they dont want to help, then they can just say that the day doesnt work without worrying about offending you. Or if they act super excited about helping, but the day really doesnt work, you can figure out another day after you know their reaction to helping you.
If you make the craft day a fun time (music, chatting, maybe drinks), then even if the project doesnt work out, it wont be a waste to your friends. It’s just a different social activity than usual!
Of course, if someone offers to help and they are not in the wedding party – take them up on it. Make sure you express how grateful you are for their help (just a heart-felt thank you would be needed) and it lets them be a part of a very special event in your life!
When you’re feeling overwhelmed, try to think of real weddings you have been to, rather than the magnificent weddings on tv and in magazines. Picture being a guest at the wedding you’re planning – I’m sure you wouldnt be let down or disappointed if a friend invited you to a comparable wedding. Also, ask yourself whether a guest will remember how your napkins were folded in 10 years? The details are easy to forget, but the love, friendship and celebration of the day make for wonderful memories.
Post # 11
Member
15 posts
Newbee
@Pwitty great idea about including everyone in the creation process and thinking of the real weddings I went to. It put everything in perspective. A friend also gave me a secret to what kept her and her husband sane. They each identified 3 things that were important to them and then made sure that they made those 6 things happen. I also stopped following/looking at the styled shoots.