Post # 1
I’m getting married this September and most of my friends are single. Lately, I’ve been struggling with their expectations of our friendship with regards regards to travel. Within the past couple of months one friend wanted me to travel to Hawaii with her for 10 days in March for her 30th bday, another wants to take an international trip with just the two of us (she is adamant that it be just the two of us even though I suggested a group girls getaway), and another wants to plan a trip for this December. I honestly think it’s really unrealistic for my friends to suggest I go on such lengthy individual vacations, especially considering I need to take my partner into consideration on these things now in terms of our joint budget, vacation time, and also alotting time for trips we would like to make alone as a couple. I’m not opposed to travelling without FH, on say a group girls getaway so that we could all hang out together, but these girls expect me to take lengthy individual vacations with them which I think is a little unreasonable. I feel like they think I’m changing because I’m married, but really I haven’t travelled that much in recent years when I was single because I was paying for school and budgeting. What do you guys think? Am I being unreasonable? How do you balance traveling with your friends and SO?
Post # 2
That is a lot of traveling if you have to take finances and vacation days into consideration. Your finances are also something you and your future husband will have to share, and that doesn’t sound fair to him. While having girl time is healthy, it is totally normal to want to travel and share those experiences with your new husband too! If your friends value your friendship, you should be able to explain your concerns openly and offer a compromise. I would push the group girls trip you suggested to accomodate more girls with a single trip.
Here is how we do it: My husband often works weekends so I try to schedule any girls trips on a weekend I know he working. I still try to limit these to 2x a year, and they are only for long weekends. I have also learned to say no when my finances don’t allow for something. That was a big one for me!
Post # 3
I do short, weekend trips with my girlfriends or maybe a week long road trip but longer trips or anything international is something I want to share with my husband as traveling is something we very much enjoy doing together and have limited time and resources to do.
Post # 4
I went on a Europe trip with a girlfriend just the two of us. It was something I’d always wanted to do and my husband wasn’t really interested in the countries we wanted to visit, so it worked out. In addition, I go camping or hiking/backpacking with some girls from college each summer for a week, but a) I’m a teacher so free in the summer and b) it’s relatively inexpensive.
I would not go to Hawaii for ten whole days for a friend’s birthday. To a nearby winery for the night? Sure. And for me, I’d choose either the trip to Europe with the one friend, or the group trip in December … both aren’t feasible to preserve my vacation days and bank account 🙂
I think asking your SO where s/he really wants to travel with you and have new experiences is important. If your SO doesn’t care aboout Sonoma, but your friends want to go and you can score a deal and make the scheduing work, why not?
Post # 5
Since I met my husband, I’ve gone to more trips with my GFs than him that is because he does not like to travel as much as I do. So now that we are married, we agreed that we will be making a list of places we want to travel to together and the other destintations I want to visit but he is not interested, I can visit them with my friends 🙂
Post # 6
I don’t think there’s really a general rule about how much travelling is reasonable; it’s more about your personal schedule and finances—and of course, your friends should respect your limitations.
I’m on an academic schedule, which means my summers are very flexible. I would definitely be willing to go on a weeklong trip with a friend, though in reality I never seem to have much time between family trips and conferences. Meanwhile my husband’s vacation days tend to be the limiting factor for our joint travel, so he would be much less likely to go on a long trip without me.
Post # 7
No to all of those things. 10 day trip for someone else’s birthday – forget it! I just had a single night out for my own 30th. The one who insists she needs to travel with you – that’s very unusual, she sounds clingy. They’re being unreasonable, not you. They’re thinking like 20 year olds, not 30 year olds.
I’ve never expected people to go on trips without their SOs. A weekend getaway – yes, I’m sometimes up for that. Anything more – no. Once you’re married, you’d expect all substantial vacations to be with your husband.
Post # 8
My Fiance and I have the same group of friends (we were friends before we started dating) and it’s fairly evenly split between males and females, so we all tend to go away together. We did a few week long holidays when we were younger, but with work the most we can get now is a weekend.
We also tend to travel a bit with my sister and her boyfriend. We usually do long weekends with them, but are actually heading off on a 10 day vacation with them this Friday.
My best friend and a few other close friends and I have talked about having a girls weekend sometime in the near future, but there is no way we’d make it any longer than a weekend. My bestie and I are in relationships whilst the other 2 girls are single, but we all have work and pets and other obligations that make longer travel more difficult – and we all understand that. If any of my friends were demanding that I take these long overseas holidays with them without regard for my holiday leave or financial situation, I don’t think they’d be my good friends for much longer.