(Closed) How do you call your mother and father in law?

posted 11 years ago in Family
Post # 62
Member
2767 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Just a funny note… I think it goes two ways. About a year ago, Future Father-In-Law called me and when I picked up he said, “Hi ___, it’s me.” (I knew it was him because I a) have caller ID on my phone and b) know his voice, but it was funny since we rarely talk on the phone.)

Post # 63
Member
469 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

First names, but it’s definitely weird. I try to not to have to get their attention when they’re not looking at tme. I don’t think he’s good at saying my mom’s name either. And because our families have never met, I’m sure it’ll be tough at first to remember everyone’s names. I’m actually making name tags for the wedding and rehearsal dinner.

Post # 64
Member
632 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I have always called mine by their first names and I think that I will continue after the wedding. I do call his grandmother “Granny” just like everyone else though.

Post # 65
Member
266 posts
Helper bee

Just wondering what you call each others grandparents.

Post # 66
Member
81 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I actually find it very interesting that a lot of people call their in laws by Mr. and Mrs. Last Names. I don’t know of ANYONE in my circle that calls anyone else that, even when first introduced. Even if I am trying to be polite and say “Nice to meet you Mr. X” to someone I just meet, they ALWAYS correct me with “Call me First Name” immediately. I must be in a weird area?

Post # 67
Member
6586 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I call FI’s parents by their first names.  I still call my exhusband’s parents mom and dad when I see or talk to them.  I think that comes from how old I was when the relationship started, ex: 19, Current: 30.  At least in my case, a decade made a big difference.

Post # 68
Member
394 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Like so many other bees on this thread, I tend to avoid calling FFILs anything because it is so awkward. Because my parents called each other’s parents by their first names, I always thought that was the “norm” and assumed that’s what I’d call FI’s parents one day. But very early on in our relationship (without me ever calling them anything because I was so good at avoiding it), they let Fiance know that I was–under NO circumstances–to call them by their first names. They adore me, but they feel like they are “too traditional” to use first names. They were fine with “mom” and “dad,” but I wasn’t comfortable with that.

I felt very awkward using Mr & Mrs Lastname because it seemed too formal for our close relationship. At some point, I brought this up with Fiance and he assured me that they didn’t necessarily want me to call them Mr & Mrs Lastname, they just didn’t want their first names used. Eventually, he facilitated an informal discussion among us about this topic, and sure enough, they were fine with any kind of nickname. We tried out some nicknames (I even tried literally calling Future Mother-In-Law, “MIL”) but nothing stuck. It became a very tense subject for me as I had nothing comfortable to call them.

Finally, I had a very honest discussion with Future Mother-In-Law and told her that I felt awkward not knowing what I should call her. I’m glad I did. She was open to officially picking a nickname and sticking with it, so we went with her first initial. I now call her “L” and she signs everything to me “L” so it seems to have stuck. Now it’s much less awkward with her. But I still don’t have a comfortable name to call FFIL!!!

Post # 69
Member
80 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I’ve called them by their first names since we met.  I think that’s how they introduced themselves, but I was so nervous I don’t remember!  Either way, they’ve never seemed to care.  I might start calling them some variation of mom and dad once we get married, though… My parents always called their in-laws mom and dad or some variation, so it just seems natural. Like for my mom, her parents were “Momma and Daddy,” and my dad’s parent’s were “Mom and Dad.” I’m totally comfortable with FI’s family, so as long as they don’t mind, I’ll probably naturally slip into “Momma and Pop” or something along those lines.

Since my family’s long distance, though, Fiance calls my dad by his first name, but still calls my mom “Dr. ____” because she never officially told him not to, lol!  We discussed it last night, and I don’t think he’ll ever call them any variation of mom and dad unless they tell him to.

Post # 70
Member
885 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

I decided when I was about 22 or 23 that since I was using first names to address people over the age of 60 at work (since of course in offices, everyone uses first names), I needed to adjust to using first names for all adults unless there were a reason to make an exception. So, it felt odd at first, but I’ve always used first names to address my Future In-Laws (I met them when I was 23). I love it now, as it has helped us establish a feeling of friendship with each other. I couldn’t imagine calling them Mr. and Mrs. Lastname, since there’s not even an implied familial tie there! Fiance, on the other hand, has 90% of the time done what Mr. Bee does and just avoided calling my parents anything at all. He’s getting better though, I’ve heard him drop the first names on occasion.

(It’s extra-fun with my Future In-Laws because both of our groomsmen have known them since childhood, and so of course are in the habit of addressing them as Mr. and Mrs. Lastname. Future Mother-In-Law and I have teased them both about it.)  πŸ™‚

Post # 71
Member
472 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

I call Future Father-In-Law by his first name & Future Mother-In-Law is usually Monster in law. haha i hardly ever talk to her. we’re actually not on speaking terms right now, which is a whole other bag of worms. But if for some reason i do have to address her, i either use her first name or avoid it all together.

Fiance calls my parents by their first names & he calls my grandparents the same things all the grandkids call them (:

Post # 72
Member
87 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I also use first names. At first it was kind of strange but after a few years I’m used to it πŸ™‚

Post # 73
Member
2492 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I avoid addressing them directly too! haha

I usually say first names or momk and dadk (K for their last name)

@lynnabby I agree…I have no clue what to call his grandparents! 

ahhh the awkwardness.

He calls my parents nothing or mom and dad…

maybe it is easier when you have kids?

Post # 74
Member
35 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2010

i call my Mother-In-Law “mama” and my Father-In-Law “aboji” – Mother-In-Law is japanese and Father-In-Law is korean.

my Fiance calls my parents “okaasan” and “otousan”, which is just a normal “mom” and “dad” in japanese.

Post # 75
Member
51 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

When my Fiance an dI started dating I always called them by their first names.  Once we got engaged his mom had a talk with me about how she wished that her SIL would call them mom and dad (ahem planting the seed!)  I feel funny about calling them that.  My mom laughed when she heard his mom wanted me to call her mom, not because she was laughing at her but because in a family with as many kids as we have I called my PARENTS byt their first names about half the time just to get their attention! 

This first name busniess all changed one day when I emailed my Fiance calling his parents “Mama and Papa P” kind of as a joke.  He forwarded the email to them to follow up on a question.  Not thinking about it and a nickname was born.  His mom now signs everything Mama P.  When I see them I still call them by their first names but this seems to have made both of us happy!

Post # 76
Member
52 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

For the most part, I avoid calling them anything. I’m not 100% sure if my Future Father-In-Law prefers his full name or the shortened version and I don’t want to use the wrong one (and after all this time, I’m kind of embarrassed to ask!), so it’s easier to just not call either of them anything πŸ™‚ If I’m talking about them, I’ll use their first names cause that’s how they introduced themselves. At least I’m pretty sure it is, because I’ve never even considered Mr/Mrs.

I’ve never heard FH refer to my parents as anything other than “your/her mom and dad” so I think he avoids it just like I do πŸ™‚

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