Post # 1
Having a hard time coming up with how to seperate holidays, as FI’s family lives in Seattle and are not close to us. After my parents got divorced the holidays just completely stress me out… But Fiance and I are very close to my dad and his girlfriend. I am totally torn with what to do! My Fiance both agreed that we are not going to individually split up and celebrate with each of our families so we have to compromise. When is it ok to start making your own tradition and sticking with that? Curious to see how you celebrate the holidays with families in different states to make everyone feel equal?
Post # 3
I go to his (BF) house for Christmas and Thanksgiving just because they make a bigger deal of it than my family, and I am not travelling 4 states away in the middle of the work week for a ho-hum dinner. That being said, I do try to do one thing with my family a year be it a vacation or going to my nieces birthday party. As long as I am participating in family life over there I don’t think I need to split. If anyone complained, I just blame it on work (not being able to take time off work), the expense or time. Otherwise, my other option would be to admit that thanksgiving with 20 people is a lot more fun than dry chicken shared with 5 people that aren’t speaking at dinner.
Post # 4
@b53191: We celebrate with my family. It’s never been an issue. You could always rotate holidays or just choose to spend them with those you are closest to (which is what we do).
Post # 5
we’re currently living with my family, so we did all the holidays last year with them. FI’s family is in seattle, we’re living outside of boston. so due to money issues, we just did all the holidays with my parents.
however, in the future, we’re going to alternate. one year, we’ll do thanksgiving with his parents, and christmas with mine. then the following year, we’ll do thanksgiving with mine, and christmas with his. it’s the most fair, especially with the distance between families.
Post # 6
@b53191: We live over an hour away from my parents and they love fussing over us, so we tend to visit them and get spoilt with food and drink.
Post # 7
We alternate. My FI’s family lives in the midwest and we’re on the East Coast (and so is my family). We’ll go to Iowa for Thanksgiving, then spend Christmas with my family. Then the next year we switch. We’ve been doing this for the past 7 years with no problems.
When we have a baby I want to start celebrating at our own home with our own traditions though. People will just have to start coming to us if they want to see us on Thanksgiving/Christmas day.
Post # 8
@b53191: I’ve felt really torn over the holidays for years and we’re not even religious. I have grown to HATE holiday travel. We lived near my family for the first 3 years of our relationship, so we spent nearly all holidays with them. We moved to the middle of the country, now in between our families (1000+ miles from mine, 2000 from his), and have lived here for 5 years. Since the move, we’ve rotated holidays, but the rotation always gets messed up for various reasons beyond our control. (Such as my SIL having a baby right before Christmas. Of course, we had to see the baby, even though we’d visited them the Christmas before!)
This year, we’re not traveling for holidays at all. I have a conference to attend in November and a big exam in January. We’re welcoming any family to visit us at any time and planning a big family vacation with both families next summer.
Post # 9
@adoc86: thats exactly how I feel! once we have a baby we are no way traveling… they can come to us!
@remijp: I’ve come to hate holiday travel as well!
Post # 10
We spend Christmas with FI’s mum & family as mine like to go away on holiday during Christmas. I love FI’s family so it’s cool. It means we aren’t on our own nor do we have compromise.
Post # 11
How do I celebrate the holidays? With a bottle of Jack.
Post # 12
We go to a few holidays/special events with each of our families but try to save one major holiday to ourselves- last year it was Thanksgiving. I’d like to go away during Christmas time but it gets pretty expensive to travel around that time, neither one of us are Christian but our families are and it’s just difficult to avoid glares when we decline invites to Christmas events.
Post # 13
Unfortunately, the way we do it won’t help at all. Jewish holidays, his family. Christian and secular holidays , my family. If anything overlaps, we base it on how important the holiday is to our family. A couple of years ago, Canadian Thanksgiving weekend lined up with Yom Kippur, which made for a great way to break the fast!
A girl I work with used to have her Mother-In-Law claim her and her Darling Husband for Christmas Day, and her Father-In-Law claim them for Christmas Eve, so they’d do Boxing Day with her parents, however after her mother passed away, they found they actually were able to combine his parents who don’t get along usually, and her dad with no problem. Instead of waiting until kids are in the picture, why not just stating you’re hosting at least one of the holidays yourself?
Post # 14
The only holidays we really ‘celebrate’ with families is Christmas.
The first year SO and I were together (we’d been dating for 5 months) we each spent Christmas with our families, so were separate, which I really disliked. The second Christmas we spent in Marbella, Spain and the third Christmas we spent in Sydney, Australia.
This Christmas our plan is to spend Christmas Eve with SO’s Dad and sister, his Dad’s wife, her mother and son; Christmas morning with SO’s Mum’s side of the family and then drive 2 hours that afternoon to celebrate Christmas evening and Boxing day with my Mother’s side of the family (my Father’s side of the family loves in the UK).
We’re happy to follow this tradition if we’re in the country for Christmas, however once we have children we’ll be hosting our own ‘family’ Christmas with all invited and it’s their choice if they want to celebrate with us, or with others – I don’t mind what they choose.
Post # 15
This year, engaged, we are splitting the holidays, me with my family, him with his. Next year it will just be our christmas.
After that, it will depend on kids.
Post # 16
Unfortunately since I work retail, we really don’t have enough travel time to see FH’s parents but here’s the breakdown of our holidays:
- New Years: annual get together at friends house
- Easter: My fam
- Mother’s Day: Every other year at FH or My
- Memorial Day: My fam
- Father’s Day: we really dont celebrate
- 4th of July: My fam
- Labor Day: My fam
- Thanksgiving: we do our own celebration
- Christmas: Every other year at FH or My
We have an advantage that I work retail and FH’s family lives 4.5 hours away, so it’s typically really easy to choose who to celebrate with. My parents are divorced so typically we celebrate with my father either before or after the holiday (on the case of Christmas: Eve with my mom, Day with my father, except when we’re with his fam, then they both get it before or after the holiday).
Honestly, you’ll learn to split the holidays. You’ll make a lot of people upset either way. 2 years ago, we decided to celebrate Thanksgiving on our own because of my work schedule. It was the best decision ever! We had to make it work because we do not live in the same town as either of our families.