Post # 1
I have no idea how to choose my bridesmaids. I’m having such a hard time deciding!
So far I know I don’t want any more than 3 + a maid of honour (we are having a small, relaxed, non traditional ceremony). My choices are: my two sisters, my fiance’s little sister (14), my two oldest friends or my nieces (aged 6, 11 and 18). I’d like to keep it simple and just do my friends or my sister’s but I’d also like to include my future SIL.
My sister’s are aged 36 and 44. I know that the 44 year old will tell me she’s too old. I thought about making her my maid of honour. That leaves my other sister and SIL. The trouble here is my other sister is covered in tattoos and only likes to wear 50 shades of black. So I could ask my two oldest friends, but both of them have very young children and might not feel they have the time to be my bridesmaids. I could also ask my nieces but they might be a bit young? They are also very different body shapes. I don’t want to make my bridesmaids wear the same dress but I’m hoping they will be happy to wear a dark grey or maybe dark blue dress of their own choice.
My dress will be light grey with a white top, and I’d like tiger lily for my flowers. My fiance only wants 2 groomsmen. I’ve also thought about seeing if my then 2.5 year old nephew can be a ring bearer.
So how do I choose my bridesmaids?! I want all these to be part of the day but I’m not sure who to choose to be in the ceremony with us!
Post # 2
I’m going through the bridal party decision making process, and it can be tough. From what I’ve learned, here’s my suggestions.
When you got engaged, who did you tell first or was most excited to tell? The order in which you announced it might help give you some perspective.
There are many ways to involved loved ones without having them be a bridesmaid. Here’s a nice list to give you some ideas: https://www.theamericanwedding.com/blog/2011/jobs-for-everyone-roles-in-the-wedding-party-and-on-the-wedding-day/
For your nieces, you could have them as junior bridesmaids or be involved in other roles during the ceremony.
There are lots of options to include everyone. Good luck!
Post # 3
I had a big wedding, and a gigantic bridal party (at least in my opinion it was huge). My two sisters, my five roommates from college (all four years, and we all talk every day) and DH’s brother’s girlfriend. As PP said, I would start with who you were most excited to tell, and go from there.
Post # 4
Some of your concerns about who to pick as bridesmaids sound kind of off to me, no offense. I don’t think you should preempt who you’re going to pick based on physical attributes like size, tattoos, age, etc. or lifestyle attributes like having no time. It really should come down to who you want up there with you on the most important day of your life and who, in turn, would love to be up there with you. I’d say choose based on that and if they decline, then that’s unfortunate.
I decided to just have my sister as my maid of honor and my cousin as my bridesmaid. Those are the 2 most important women in my life (besides my mom) and whom I know would have no qualms accepting, regardless of anything.
Like the above poster shared, there are other ways close friends/family can be involved without being in the bridal party. I am having about 2-3 close girl friends assist in other ways at my ceremony (doing a reading, bringing up the gifts) so they are recognized and part of the day somehow.
Post # 5
brideonapriltwentynine : I didn’t mean it to sound like I’m choosing my bridesmaids for age/appearance but I know my sisters well, like me they are intensely shy and will find it awkward having attention bought on them on the day (as will I, I just know I’m going to be bright red and speak so quietly even my fiance will barely be able to hear me!). I know the oldest will mention she’s too old, it’s my job to convince her otherwise. As for my best friends, one is currently going though a tough breakup, custody battle and losing her home, shes not handling it well and I can’t think of the right time to bring up anything wedding related let alone asking her to be my bridesmaid (I know it’s silly but I feel like I’d be rubbing in the fact I’m getting married and her engagement is over). My other best friend just had a baby, number 5, she barely has time to shower let alone help me plan my wedding!
Maybe deep down I’m afraid all of them will say no, it’s a possibility as they have valid reasons for not wanting to. I wasn’t involved in my second best friend’s wedding at all, she had her mother and 5 sisters to help, so it’s not a case of whether anyone would ask me to be their Bridesmaid or Best Man.
I talked to my fiance about it, he doesn’t even want any groomsmen, not officially anyway. He’d like us to arrive together, do the deed and party! It might look silly if I have bridesmaids and he has nobody. I’ve tried to convince him to at least ask his brother and best friend to help him out on the day. I don’t mind us arriving together, we’ve lived together for 6 years so it’s not like my dad needs to give me away or anything, but I would like to have either sisters and/or best friends with me for support, the trouble is they all mean so much to me and I was excited to tell them all equally and we all celebrated equally!
Post # 6
Orignally I wanted 3 BM’s. But then my Fiance wanted 4 Groomsmen. In effort to have a smaller party we cut back to two each.
One girl I have known for 15 years. Another I have been super close to for years. I have been in both these girls weddings. They mean the world to me. I also know they will be easy to work with. That’s how I made my choice. I can’t see my wedding without them.
Post # 7
- Wedding: The Retreat at Bradley\'s Pond
If you have to ask – then no.
These should be women (or guys nowadays) who can make it 100% about you. If they are close friends or family that you adore- ask them! Doesn’t matter if it doesn’t match Fi’s numbers.
If you waver for a moment whether or not they can handle the spotlight NOT being on them- walk away. It’s better to have a smaller party with NO drama, than appease people cause they want to be in the party and ultimately have a bad day or time because they can’t act like an adult. I asked 3 instead of 5 because I wasn’t sure and I made the right decision in the end. These are people who can take a panicked call and walk you off a ledge, can make you smile, and can be comforting on the day of while you’re getting your hair done.
The only way you can really avoid any drama or feeling is to pick no one. Traditionally Maid/Matron of Honor and Bridesmaid or Best Man sign the license as witnesses but not every state needs that. And you could always have family members sign instead. So you could go without if you really want to avoid it all together. Nothing is really forcing you.
I vote just ask a Maid/Matron of Honor and Bridesmaid or Best Man and be done. Ask 1 or both sisters and be done. Your friend and future SIL can’t be annoyed if there isn’t a large party. But once you select your MOH- explain to the SIL, friends what you chose and why so they’re not sitting there waiting to be asked and getting annoyed (and yes people -not all- do this).
Then if you just have the 1 maid for the ceremony- you don’t have to worry about her attire matching or coordinating with anyone elses. She can find the outfit in the color and style that works best and be done.
Post # 8
I picked who I am closest to and who I would want to support me most on my day. Some are friends from childhood, some are friends from college. I also have my fiance’s sister and a bridesman standing by my side.