How do you choose bridesmaids?!

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
76 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I’m going through the bridal party decision making process, and it can be tough.  From what I’ve learned, here’s my suggestions. 

When you got engaged, who did you tell first or was most excited to tell?  The order in which you announced it might help give you some perspective. 

There are many ways to involved loved ones without having them be a bridesmaid. Here’s a nice list to give you some ideas: https://www.theamericanwedding.com/blog/2011/jobs-for-everyone-roles-in-the-wedding-party-and-on-the-wedding-day/  

For your nieces, you could have them as junior bridesmaids or be involved in other roles during the ceremony.  

There are lots of options to include everyone. Good luck!

Post # 3
Member
296 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I had a big wedding, and a gigantic bridal party (at least in my opinion it was huge). My two sisters, my five roommates from college (all four years, and we all talk every day) and DH’s brother’s girlfriend. As PP said, I would start with who you were most excited to tell, and go from there. 

Post # 4
Member
135 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Some of your concerns about who to pick as bridesmaids sound kind of off to me, no offense. I don’t think you should preempt who you’re going to pick based on physical attributes like size, tattoos, age, etc. or lifestyle attributes like having no time. It really should come down to who you want up there with you on the most important day of your life and who, in turn, would love to be up there with you. I’d say choose based on that and if they decline, then that’s unfortunate.

I decided to just have my sister as my maid of honor and my cousin as my bridesmaid. Those are the 2 most important women in my life (besides my mom) and whom I know would have no qualms accepting, regardless of anything.

Like the above poster shared, there are other ways close friends/family can be involved without being in the bridal party. I am having about 2-3 close girl friends assist in other ways at my ceremony (doing a reading, bringing up the gifts) so they are recognized and part of the day somehow. 

Post # 6
Member
2022 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Orignally I wanted 3 BM’s. But then my Fiance wanted 4 Groomsmen. In effort to have a smaller party we cut back to two each. 

One girl I have known for 15 years. Another I have been super close to for years. I have been in both these girls weddings. They mean the world to me. I also know they will be easy to work with. That’s how I made my choice. I can’t see my wedding without them. 

Post # 7
Member
1010 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: The Retreat at Bradley\'s Pond

If you have to ask – then no. 

These should be women (or guys nowadays) who can make it 100% about you. If they are close friends or family that you adore- ask them! Doesn’t matter if it doesn’t match Fi’s numbers.

If you waver for a moment whether or not they can handle the spotlight NOT being on them- walk away. It’s better to have a smaller party with NO drama, than appease people cause they want to be in the party and ultimately have a bad day or time because they can’t act like an adult. I asked 3 instead of 5 because I wasn’t sure and I made the right decision in the end. These are people who can take a panicked call and walk you off a ledge, can make you smile, and can be comforting on the day of while you’re getting your hair done. 

The only way you can really avoid any drama or feeling is to pick no one. Traditionally Maid/Matron of Honor and Bridesmaid or Best Man sign the license as witnesses but not every state needs that. And you could always have family members sign instead. So you could go without if you really want to avoid it all together. Nothing is really forcing you. 

I vote just ask a Maid/Matron of Honor and Bridesmaid or Best Man and be done. Ask 1 or both sisters and be done. Your friend and future SIL can’t be annoyed if there isn’t a large party. But once you select your MOH- explain to the SIL, friends what you chose and why so they’re not sitting there waiting to be asked and getting annoyed (and yes people -not all- do this). 

Then if you just have the 1 maid for the ceremony- you don’t have to worry about her attire matching or coordinating with anyone elses. She can find the outfit in the color and style that works best and be done. 

 

Post # 8
Member
543 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

I picked who I am closest to and who I would want to support me most on my day.  Some are friends from childhood, some are friends from college.  I also have my fiance’s sister and a bridesman standing by my side.  

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