How do you cope with everyone getting pregnant….but you?

posted 5 months ago in TTC
Post # 2
Member
4558 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

Hobbies, the gym, meeting up with child-free friends helped me a lot when I was having baby-fever during difficult times. You just need to keep busy and keep the faith that everything will happen in it’s time. 

Post # 3
Member
161 posts
Blushing bee

Just remind yourself that other people’s situation has nothing to do with you. You only feel bad because you are comparing yourself to others and thinking thoughts that it should be you. Make some big plans to look forward to like planning a trip or getting a new job or promotion… Or if you absolutely need to mother something get an animal. Take action.

Post # 4
Member
472 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2018 - City Hall

Bee, I wanna start with saying that I hear ya. I’m now in my 30s and feel that baby fever often and sometimes fear it may not happen.

With that being said… And I hate to sound like that “look on the bright side” gal, but really, focus on the positives here. 

Having no baby is better than having one with the wrong person. Use this time to focus on you and seriously try to enjoy it, it may be the last time IN YOUR LIFE that you are single and able to devote all of your energy on YOU (instead of on a husband or baby). 

Remind yourself that you will have a good life with or without a baby and don’t pressure yourself so much to make it happen. 

Post # 5
Member
473 posts
Helper bee

So this is a little different to your situation, but I spent about five years in a relationship that really wasnt going anywhere. I wanted to get married, travel and have children but he wanted to take things so slowly we were pretty much moving backwards. Ive always wanted kids, and I got all paranoid that this would go on forever, and I wouldnt get to have kids, and then I would think about breaking up with him, and then I freaked out that I wouldnt find anyone else to have kids with and be in the same situation… and then I decided that when I got to the point in my life where I wanted to have kids, if I wasnt in a relationship with someone who was willing to have kids with me, I was going to go the sperm bank route and do it myself. I felt much better after that, much more in control of how I was going to live my life, which meant I could enjoy the advantages of child free life without worrying about if I going to get a chance to have a family.

And then fortunately I realised how miserable my awful boyfriend was making me, and I broke up with him, and then even more fortunately meet my husband a few months later. And now I dont need to do the sperm bank thing, though it turns out I am going to need about $20,000 of fertility treatment! So I definitly get the jealousy of pregnant women thing!

 

Post # 6
Member
384 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding:  

I remind myself that I don’t know their stories. A lot of my husband’s friends have had babies, and without knowing it just seems so easy for everyone else. I only later found out that a few had spent a fortune on IVF, or have had repeated miscarriages. Once they got pregnant, they tend to focus on the positives and forget about the previous struggles.

And then of course there are some truly lucky ones who only take a couple of tries or accidentally fall pregnant. I think those we’re allowed to be envious of. 🙂 

Post # 7
Member
26 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I personally think that when it comes to infertility and/or child loss of any kind, only others who have actually been through it, or are currently going through it, can truly understand. Please keep this in mind, because keeping that in mind will hopefully help you to only tell those who will care and empathize. You could try going to the site inspire dot com, and reading the infertility boards. Other good resources include Jody Day’s blog called Gateway Women, or Lisa Manterfield’s book called I’m Taking my Eggs and Going Home, or Sue Fagalde Lick’s book and blog called Childless by Marriage. 

Fortunately, the replies here have shown empathy but keep in mind that may not always be the case, unless you are among other women dealing with infertility. 

Good luck 

Post # 8
Member
1285 posts
Bumble bee

I was there too….my husband was battling cancer during my 20s while all my friends were having babies, and then he passed away when I was 32.  The inability to have children with him was really hard for me, but also the thing that no one really noticed.  But even though it made me sad or jealous sometimes, I did not show it — in fact, I was usually the one who hosted the baby showers, visited with meals and gifts after the baby was born, etc.  And when my turn finally came to be a mom, my friends were all there for me and frankly spoiled me with so much love, hand-me-downs, you name it!  Just hang in there — for whatever reason, this isn’t your time for motherhood, but it is your time to experience other things.  And when your time for motherhood comes, you will really appreciate every minute of it!

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