How do you cope//family not excited for you and taking $$$ away from you?

posted 3 months ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
1766 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I am sorry that you feel no one cares! That really is a bummer. But, it seems like a lot of people in your life have other stuff going on. I could definitely see why either cousin hasn’t had time to reply to your email. And I hope you aren’t upset about your Father-In-Law backing out of paying for the cake…that actually was extremely generous of her to offer as she has no obligation to do anything like that. And your friend that messaged you, maybe she forgot to reply or something. If she reached out to you she obviously cares.

I get that this might be PMS and I can be highly irrational during mine so maybe that’s just it. But like everyone says on here, no one cares about your wedding like you do. It’s just a very true statement and something you gotta tell yourself sometimes.

Post # 3
Member
1872 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

Stop giving your parents money. Especially when you’re low contact with one of them due to an abusive relationship. Why are you giving your mother $750 a month?

I think your Future Mother-In-Law is probably just worried about her finances and it sucks that she had to back out but I don’t think it’s a cause for you to be mad at her. Especially considering the cost of a cake is not the 15k you’ve given your parents over this year.

It sucks that your cousins had to drop out and honestly they have a lot of stuff going in their lives at the moment and so your bridal appointment might not be high on their list of priorities. It doesn’t mean they don’t care, especially if they are usually there to support you. People are never going to be excited for your wedding as you are. For the friend, maybe she doesn’t know how to respond/like talking about weddings. Despite being on here I find talking about weddings in real life to be so dull, I didn’t even like speaking of my own.

Post # 4
Member
8705 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2016

I must have missed why you’re giving your parents this money?

Post # 7
Member
3633 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’m really not trying to be snarky, but with a newborn or chemo your wedding dress would be really low on the list of things I care about. I’m sorry, that’s just the truth.

Post # 8
Member
3633 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

…and maybe the close friend didn’t respond because she’s offended she wasn’t invited?

Post # 9
Member
315 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

It sounds like there is just a lot going on with the people in your life, but it certainly doesn’t mean they don’t care or aren’t happy for you. When people have major things going on in life, sometimes those gestures slip through the cracks (not on purpose). I’m sure they aren’t intentionally hurting your feelings. As for your mom.. I would honestly stop giving her money. Worry about that after you get settled and have your wedding day. I certainly wouldn’t be giving her $750 a month. Are there student loans involved or is this just a pay back? I would seriously reconsider giving that sum every month to someone who you’ve described as emotionally abusive, which kind of goes hand in hand with “gifting” you tuition and then guilting you into giving her money. Unless of course there are some special circumstances in which she needs you to make payments on current tuition or loans, which I’m not gathering. 

Post # 10
Member
290 posts
Helper bee

So new baby and chemo trump wedding stuff. I’m sure you see that. Maybe you could arrange to go out for a fun bridal luncheon to celebrate with them instead. Was the close friend that didn’t repsond invited to the wedding? If not, you shouldn’t have brought up the wedding stuff to her anyway. It probably made her feel awkward it she wasn’t invited. I know it sucks when people don’t seem exicted, but no one is ever as excited for your wedding as you will be. I had to do a lot of wedding stuff on my own because most of my friends and family are too far away, but I still had fun! Just focus on how happy you and your Fiance are. 

Stop paying your mom money. Unless you paying her was agreed to BEFORE you took the tuition money, then you don’t owe her anything. Just stop and don’t engage with her. 

Post # 11
Member
1015 posts
Bumble bee

I’m hoping I read this incorrectly, are you paying 100% of the wedding for you and your FI? If so, why is he not contributing a dime? 

Post # 12
Member
356 posts
Helper bee

Wow. Congratulations congratulations congratulations!!! I’m so sorry you feel so alone right now. I am actually nervous that this is how people will react to my engagement also, mostly because it’s happening way quicker than people would consider the norm. Is there a reason you think they’re all acting unsupportive? If you need a friend/ear I’m here.

Post # 13
Member
3427 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

The truth is other people have important things in their lives you need to accept that. Paying your own tuition is pretty common. It’s annoying that your mom changed her mind about gifting you money but she did spare you some interest on that loan.

what is you fiancé contributing to your wedding?

Post # 14
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

carmensandiego38 :  IDK what your finances are like, but you might be better off taking a loan to pay back your mom, and pay the loan instead of having to deal with her. Debt isn’t good, but your health (mental/emotional/physical) is more important.

And I’m sorry about the lack of responses from people. Some of the ones you listed are understandably very busy with their own issues, and maybe your friend forgot to reply? Sometimes I do that (shame on me, I know! Trying to do better). I’ve got an aunt and a cousin I’ve FB messaged for their addresses for the Save the Dates months ago and now the invites: I know they saw the messages, and I know they haVe internet and FB access cause they post for other stuff, but no reply yet, so I get your point. Sometimes people aren’t aware of how others may perceive what they do or don’t do.

Best wishes and congrats!

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