(Closed) How do you deal with a difficult MIL?

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1363 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@MrsCoachBtoBee: Change your identity now. Go under an assumed name and wear a fake mustache.

Can you believe I am only half kidding? The person you described is also my Mother-In-Law. And after the wedding things got way worse.

My only advice is to live your life with your fiance as happily as possible because I assure you that she’s not wasting her nigths being sad about you.

The other piece of advice (very important), your fiance must deal with his mother. Any attempts on your part will be twisted around and will she make you look like a kiss a$$ or a trouble maker (depending on how you approacch her). If he deals with her, you give her no ammo for the future and trust me, she’s looking for ammo.

Keep ignoring it, be pleasant and if Fiance dosen’t help matters, you both have to remember you are marrying each other. Not marrying each other plus his unreasonable mom.

ETA after all my attempts to “make nice”, I have now resorted to no contact whatsoever. (I forgot to tell you how I deal with it and that’s how!)Hugs!

Post # 4
Member
2227 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

Age and health could be factors: have there been any recent changes in her life (other than her son getting married)? Stress might be causing her unreasonable reactions.

I would limit the wedding talk to positive tidbits.  I have stopped sharing my DIY projects with my Mother-In-Law because I can tell they are overwhelming her.

 

Post # 6
Member
1326 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Tre Bella, Mesa, AZ

@Just_Squeeze: This. You are a team, but your Fiance really needs to handle it – even if her actions push her out of your lives. It will not get better if you try to deal with her. Trust me on this – after 5 years of trying, I am done with my Future Mother-In-Law and now my Fiance is too.

Post # 7
Member
7695 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

You just do! I had a very difficult Mother-In-Law. At one point she even said she wasnt going to come to our wedding. She was ridiculous. She tried to take complete control over our wedding and was impossible to deal with. My husband would have to deal with her most of the time. The weird thing was she was SO nice before we got engaged but then during our engagement, unbearable. Now that we are married things are back to normal and it’s all good. I think she was just stressed and in addition she didnt really get to have a wedding when she got married so I think she felt that this was her time to shine. It took me a while to get over some of the things she said and did, but I have moved on and our relationship is normal again! Just hang in there. Weddings tend to bring out the worst in people!

Post # 8
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

Weddings are emotional and a lot of feelings come out and people are really sensitive to everything going on. Including the bride.

So that means depending on how “bad” she is you dont really do much. Just smile and now because post-wedding is the more important relationship and you dont want to do anything to damage that (and since you got along well before I would expect you to get along well again)

She might be a littly nutso, but likely you as the bride is a little more sensitive to what is going on. It goes both ways and everyone feeds off the other person. Make a conscious effort to stop the cycle at you. 

 

Post # 9
Member
762 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I smile, nod, and then ignore what she has said and keep doing what I want. I have kept her out of the loop on everything pertaining to our wedding and it has done wonders for my stress levels. Any asumptions, or suggestions she makes has never come to fruition because again, I just continue to ignore her and do what I want. I am nice to her, I show her no disrespect, but when she asks me about the wedding, i give her vague answers and change the subject.

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