- 4 years ago
- Wedding: February 2017
One of my best friends from grade school has been seeing a guy for a year and a half. Last May, they got engaged after a couple months of dating, which is fine. I met him after the engagement, very excited and thrilled that my friend was so smitten over a guy, and unfortunantly, I can’t stand him. I have NEVER told her (and will probably never tell her) my feelings about him, because I don’t think it matters, but its hard for me, my SO, or my other girlfriends (and their partners) to be around him.
He makes me feel uncomfortable. When we took my friend out for her 21st birthday several months back, he stared at me the entire night and kept saying “you’re such a good dancer” and “I would dance with you if I could”. Back at New Years, he asked my friend and I if we wanted to go upstairs to my room and play strip poker. Moreso, for my SO and friends (and myself as well), he is very arrogant and loves to talk about himself, his “amazing” job prospects, and education. The first time I met him, he was sitting in the hot tub with my friend and handed me his empty glass almost immediately, telling me to fill it up “right to here” with her parent’s alcohol, add “this much” ice, and then top it off with some kind of mixer. He has came over to our other friend’s house before and has taken, without permission, the bottle of wine she just bought, opened it, and drank it with no comment or permission. He’s made really ugly comments about his grandfather and all the gold his grandfather keeps, and how he hopes his grandfather gives it all to him when he dies so he can buy a car. Overall, its just terrible energy to be around, and I never enjoy myself.
These things would still not normally bother me, but the problem is that my friend is attached to her Fiance at the hip, and wherever she goes, he goes; whether he is invited or not. We are going to Vegas this weekend and our entire group of friends is going (the 4 of us have been friends since grade school), but we didn’t extend the invite to her because we knew she’d bring her Fiance. I feel horrible for leaving her out and fear that her feelings will be hurt. We haven’t spent any time together the last 2 months because the last time I invited her over to have dinner and hang out at our new place, she texted me right before she came and said that her Fiance was coming too “if that was okay”. My SO was NOT happy about it since he had to chat with him while my friend and I caught up.
Bees, I don’t know what to do. I truly love my friend and think she’s a great person, but she is so madly in love that it is near impossible to spend time with her without him. I’ve tried several times to just suck it up and deal with him for my friend’s sake, but I end up leaving so angry, offended, or irritated that it takes away the special moments with my friend.
I don’t want some guy to ruin a friendship that has been going on for over 10 years.