Post # 1
Hey girls! I’m looking for advice from people who have been in similar situations.
I’m 23 years old, have a college degree, and got my first real job as a 2nd grade teacher last August.
My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years and everything is great between us. My parents really like him and he spends a lot of time at my house since I am living at home (temporarily). We talk about getting engaged and we both want to live together first just to be realistic about things and see how it goes. My boyfriend’s lease is up at the end of June and I have saved up and adjusted to being a teacher by living at home for a year and having family support when I need it.
My biggest problem: My mom makes me feel so uncomfortable to talk about moving forward with my boyfriend. I am actually scared to bring up moving in with him because I don’t want to hear her say that I’m too young or making a mistake or rushing. She was engaged at 22 with my dad. They ended up getting divorced, so I think she worries this will happen to me. Also- I met my boyfriend in college, so we are from different cities and he just got a great job where I live and moved here! I would love to live with him and think we would be totally compatible, but just don’t know how to bring it up to my mom and make her understand that living together is not a way for me to start rushing into marriage, etc.
And I’ve been told that if I’m not adult enough to bring it up to my mom, then I’m not ready to live with him… but I just think that’s ridiculous. I love my mom and get along great with her, she just can be so judgemental and opinionated. And I don’t want to let this come between us. My dad and step-dad would be all for it, but my mom holds me back. Helppp- June will be here soon!
Post # 3
@alohakay: I think I’m in a similar situation to you. My mother married young, hasn’t been supportive of our engagement (even though she adores my FI), and doesn’t want me moving out. My Fiance and I lived together for two years, until we both lost our jobs last year and now have been living in our respective parents homes for 5 months. We have always told everyone this is temporary, but both sets of parents have been pushing us to stay home.
When Fiance was having family issues, and it looked like he might be kicked out of home, I told my parents that we would probably push our plan to move out forward a few months (we had been trying to hold out as long as possible at home so we can save for our wedding, but both of our families are not the nicest).My parents proceeded to tell me that they thought that I was “making up an excuse just so I could move out” and that I had lied to them when I said we were going to plan to move out sooner. I told them that I was not a naughty child, and that I did not need an excuse to move out. But I also told them that I loved them, and that me moving out isn’t an assault to them because I am an adult and I’m allowed to want to live in my own home.
Honestly, your Mum will probably try to make you stay. You just have to approach her in the nicest way possible, and explain that you appreciate all her support, but you want to live with your partner.
Post # 4
I feel for ya! I have very protective parents too, and my mom is judgemental and opinionated as well.
I met my then-FI in college and moved home with my folks afterwards. We were in an LDR for a bit, and just decided to get engaged. A year after graduation we got married.
Honestly, I didn’t really want to just live together with him, and we both thought it made the most sense to just get married, since we knew we wanted to stay together and never leave our respective cities for the other person again. 🙂 The day after our wedding I moved up to Boston to his apartment. (My mother now humorously refers to the month after the wedding as “Black Friday”, since me leaving was the worst thing ever according to her). I’m the firstborn and we are SUPER close and it devastated her for a little while. :/ I felt guilty, but we had to move on with our lives.
Now we live back in Pittsburgh a mile from my folks and we are all happy. 🙂
Do what you need to do! Your mom will be upset, I can guarantee. But you and your Fiance need to move forward with your lives. Also, nothing is permanent. Maybe someday you can move closer to your parents. This will be a life lesson for her and hopefully you two can stay close via phone, etc.
Post # 5
I was soo scared to tell my mom I was buying a house with FH. We’ve been together for 5 years and are 20 and 22 now. At first she freaked out, very upset, said it’s immoral, etc. Then she calmed down, I cried a bit and now she’s super excited to help decorate the house we close on in 2 weeks lol she still believes it’s very immoral, and I know it’s not right but we’ll be married soon. I personally wouldn’t move in with someone without being engaged. But I suggest just bringing it up to your mom your plans. She will most likely be upset, but give her some time to calm down and think about it. Explain you’re an adult and it’s time for you to leave. It may take awhile, but hopefully it will work out for the best.