(Closed) How do you deal with being led on?

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
132 posts
Blushing bee

I am so sorry you are going through this. I have been in the same situation.  The guy that led me on and hurt me was a guy I knew pretty  much my entire life. We spent every waking available moment together.  Mutual friends referred to us as a couple and in my head we were. He even moved in with me. We lived together for 9 months and for some reason I could never get him to say he loved me or even call me his gf. As time went on I say that he was actually treating me like a simple friend. No more affection and when I bought it to his attention he never gave a straight answer. Turns out this guy NEVER claimed me as his gf. I found this out while standing in front of him and his REAL gf as he proceeds to tell her I never meant anything to him that I was just a family friend who allowed him to stay with me while they were trying to work through their issues! I was humilated! But I refused to allow these two people to see how hurt I was.  What I DID do… I cried one good time and moved on. I found the love of my life while I was dealing with this jerk and now I have heard from others that he regrets losing me. Sucks for him!!! I’m good and you will be too. Karma is a b*tch. You will look back on this person who doesn’t  deserve you and realize that you know that there is someone out there meant just for you and you are not waiting your time or someone who doesn’t  deserve you. Making room for bigger and better. Just spend some time on you and the right man will come along before you know it.

Post # 3
Member
5780 posts
Bee Keeper

Is it possible he didn’t deliberately lead you on? It’s cruel to lead someone on IMO & not something you do to someone deliberately (unless you’re a cold hearted selfish person), but your friend told you he had feelings for you and wanted to ‘give us a try’…..so maybe he genuinely likes you + finds you attractive and therefore imagined what it would be like dating you….but then discovered that, awesome as he thinks you are, his feelings for you are in the friend-zone. 

How I’d deal with it would depend on whether dude was a douchebag player about it or a regretful friend that felt bad he’d hurt me. The former, I’d ghost the fuck out of him, not worth my time, the latter I’d try to get past my feelings and hope the friendship could survive this. 

Post # 4
Member
971 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Once you realize you’ve been led on, you walk away. 

Then have a good cry and some ice cream or whatever. But walk away before anything else.  Get out of the situation and cut it off completely. Best thing for your heart in the long run and like PP said, then you’re free to find the actual love of your life. 

Post # 5
Member
1260 posts
Bumble bee

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footprints:  Sometimes you just have to put your chin up and move through it. You learned he isn’t a great friend. I’d cut him out, put my chin up through the pain, and move on.

Post # 7
Member
3088 posts
Sugar bee

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footprints:  Many, many, many times…hon, this is the relationship risk we will forever take…I have just been there.Advice I can give you, don’t ever let someone else’s schemes change the kind, loving person you are who is open to someone else.  For me, this was the hardest thing….not allowing myself to turn ‘cold’… not giving that person so much power.

Something else I have learned (much easier said than done) is to hold off sexually until you spend enough time with the person where there is an investment.I am only speaking to the women who get emotionally tied in after sex (as I personally believe most women are this way).   That bonding through sex is a bitch…sooner or later, the red flags will show.  Give it enough time to show so at least you won’t feel twice as bad when he turns out to be an asshole.  We are here for you.I understand what you are going through so much.

Post # 8
Member
3088 posts
Sugar bee

Oh, and lastly, learn the art of cutting people off immediately who hurt you in ways like this or aren’t good for you relationship wise.It doesn’t matter why they do what they do.Ruminating and trying to figure out why solves nothing.Take things at face value.Someone who values you enough would not do these things….cut them off, no contact, no waiting for ‘closure’….

Post # 9
Member
8983 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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footprints:  Everyone in this thread (except one person, but everyone else) told you this was exactly what was going to happen http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/bees-what-the-hell-is-going-on/. If I were in your situation, I would deal with it by trying to figure out why I ignored so many signs that were obvious to so many other people. Why did I open myself up to this? It’s one thing to say “you know what, I know it’s risky but I’m going to go out on a limb and take a chance” and then go in with your eyes open and ready to back out. That’s called being bold and sometimes has a good ending. But ignorning the risk, pretending it’s not there, and allowing yourself to get emotionally invested, that’s not wise and it’s not taking care of yourself, and rarely ends well. When 99% of people who have no vested interest are tellling you “he’s a player” he’s a player.

Post # 11
Member
8983 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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footprints:  That’s a lot of coincidences. That guy was coming to visit in April, here we are at the end of April but it’s a different “friend” with very similar circumstances. That many guys leading you on in such a short time period is odd. It sucks and reinforces that you should make a deliberate effort to take things slowly. Don’t put your heart in anyone else’s hands. There’s love and happiness out there, don’t rush into anything. Best wishes.

Post # 12
Member
971 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

View original reply
footprints:  umm, well, if he’s not even the guy you really are into then who cares….? Maybe he should be mad you’re leading him on? I think maybe your pride is wounded more than your heart. But the advice is the same. Move on and find happiness with someone whose intentions you won’t question. 

Post # 13
Member
2393 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

First, everyone has been through this. I certainly was, when I was single, centuries ago. It seems to be the behavior of some men, no matter what the decade. We chalk it up to experience. 

Don’t trust so quickly. Go through a dating period first, before sex, when you scope him out, if he does what he says he is going to do, etc. You don’t have to have a long conversation with him where you make him swear not to lead you on. If he is a liar, that is useless.

Post # 15
Member
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

I was lead on for 9 months. Now I have a scathing, fire breathing hate for the guy. I’m over him, but still bitter he lead me on. It hurt really badly and was dehumanizing. Then turns out he’s acquaintances with my current partner/FH. honestly, had I of known id of 100% avoided my FH.  Good thing I didn’t because my FH is ten times the man that dude was. Funny enough, FH took me on a trip and was very vocal on FB about it (douche bag and him are friends on FB) then douche bag took his new girlfriend the Next week To the exact same place. Then FH proposed and he proposed a week later. 😂 I find this hilarious. 

keep your head up and cut him off. I still haven’t gotten over the bitterness so no advice there. I still take pleasure in making him look like an ass to FHs close friends who are also acquaintances of hIs. Not classy I know! But I wanted him ostracized from the social group that ill be in for a long time with FHs childhood friends. 

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 3 months ago by  Haageedoo.

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