Post # 1
I have an almost constant feeling of guilt after nearly every single purchase.
Fiance makes quite a bit, but not enough to support both of us.
I live at home. Recently graduated from college.
Just lost my job at a retail store because of reasons that were out of my control (see my previous post for details)
I have one small loan to pay back
He has a pretty big loan to pay back
He got a new car in 2010 that he’s paying off
Thankfully mine is paid off
We also have a wedding coming up (though not for a while)
The constant feeling of guilt is overpowering at times. I’ll pick up a book or a cute shirt and all at once the feelings come up. “Why am I buying a book? I could probably get it online for cheaper anyway. Do I really NEED a new shirt? That’s 12 bucks that could go to my loan.”
After losing my job, Fiance wants to take me to Disney World. The happiest place on earth! I’ve never been there and I think it could be fun. We budgeted for the trip to be about $1200. I was excited! Until it started.
“Holy.. 1200 dollars? That’s like half of the catering. That’s paying for the church AND venue! That could buy my wedding band AND spruce up his great grandpa’s for him to wear! That could take off so much of his loan!”
I just.. feel so paralyzed. My loan isn’t even that big. When I graduated it was about 12k and since September I’ve managed to bring it down to 8k. Still. I feel like I should have done more than that. “And why do I even need another pack of hair ties? I could find some around the house. MONEY WASTER!!”
I haven’t even started planning for the wedding. What will happen to me then?
Bees, how do you deal with those, “that could be better spent on something more practical” feelings?
Post # 3
We don’t really spend a whole lot of money on ourselves. We pay our bills first, set aside gas/other money [like morning coffee or a dinner out], and buy groceries. Whatever is left we take 1/2 [which is usually around $700], and put it in the wedding fund, or buy things for the wedding. The other half is spend on “wants”. But we don’t go crazy with it.
Post # 4
@jenilynevette: Yeah there’s no way in hell we make that much XD hahaha
Post # 5
- Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House
I think it will get better once the loan is gone. I don’t suffer from this, but one of my dear friends does. Her solution is to almost never buy anything
Post # 6
@MeiFrancis: That’s what we’ve been doing! Or I have at least.. XD
I am in desperate need of some new clothes since my old ones are too big now. Yay! But I have maybe 5-6 outfits that actually fit. My mother gave me a 70 dollar giftcard to go get new clothes and it’s just been sitting in my wallet. I’ve actually considered “selling” it to someone and putting the money towards my loan.
Fiance is desperately trying to get me to go to on a vacation, saying it’s a mental health vacation but I feel SO AWFUL about even considering it!
Post # 7
@Chrysoberyl: I used to deal with this because I am a penny pincher. But it started to negatively affect my relationship to the point that everything I or Fiance bought bothered me.
Here’s what I learned to do: decide what I need/value and why I need it. If the purchase is going to add value to my life and I need it (and the price is reasonable), then I do not regret purchasing it. If it is a frivolous item and doesn’t mean anything to me at the end of the day (i.e., a starbucks coffee when a free cup at work will do just fine), then I do not purchase it.
It took a while, but I have also learned to just simply breathe and let my anxiety go when certain things come up. For example, Fiance thinks he needs to buy popcorn and soda at the movies every time (about $10) and I used to have a heart attack! Why? Because it costs too much and it doesn’t appeal to me….but it means something to him and he enjoys it during his moving going experience.
Hope this helps?!?!
ETA: We both owe money on student loans…I owe $6k and he owes $30k…so I know what you mean about paying those down, rather than spending money on other things. At the end of the day, what good is your life if you are going to stress over every last cent?
Post # 8
I have a thing I do where I walk out of the store without buying something. If I’m still thinking about it a day or two later, I obviously REALLY wanted it so I go back and get it. But I had an issue with buying stuff, getting home, then realizing I really didn’t want it in the first place- I just bought it cause it was there/pretty/on clearance/only $5/etc. (Now though I can pinch a penny until it screams for mercy and turns into a nickel lol).
That aside, you need to step back and remind yourself that just because you have debt does not mean every last dime you get has to go to it. You are still allowed to treat yourself to something you want occasionally. No matter what, you will probably spend all of your life with SOMETHING you could put the money towards- house payment, car payment, loans, retirement savings, college funds for children, emergency savings, holiday money- but that doesn’t mean you have to live your life second-guessing every purchase or live a Spartan lifestyle because you want to hurry up and pay this debt or hurry up and save X Amount. Don’t beat yourself up over it hon 🙂 (Obviously this is all within reason and I am in no way saying don’t pay your bills or get behind on your loans- but once you’ve paid that monthly payment, technically anything you add to it is extra. It is a good thing to work to become debt free as soon as possible, but don’t let that one objective control your whole life. You definitely need to find a balance between the two)
Post # 9
- Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House
@Chrysoberyl: wow okay, that’s going overboard. Use the gift from your mom, if she got you clothes, you wouldn’t return them, would you??
Post # 10
@bmo88: Fiance looooves movies. 12 dollar movies. He’s a video editer and just loves the movie-going experience. I love patience and renting it for a dollar. Yeah heart attacks because of movies are pretty common here.
@ForeverBirds: This is true. A couple days ago I bought a few things and made a valentine’s day centerpiece. It’s his/our first apartment and everything we have is necessities. So I thought “Hmm this stuff is 30% off and I get an extra 20 off for my employee discount!
Well two days later my mom is saying, “This kind of stuff is not what you need to be buying right now. Agh after that it was absolute misery for a good 3 days.
I guess this all really hit me hard lately because this vacation is suddenly coming up and my loan payments start on the 27th,
@MeiFrancis: Maybe 🙁 Usually when I get giftcards, they stay in my wallet until someone’s birthday comes up. Then they get a gift from that store. Yay for smart spending?
Post # 11
@Chrysoberyl: Even though she means well, it’s not her place to comment on the spending. The question on the centerpiece is whether it makes YOU happy. If she’d never voiced her opinion, would you have ever regretted the purchase? This is exactly what I mean by balance. Not that you’re not allowed any frivolous or decorative purchases, but that you shouldn’t go overboard and should choose wisely based on your specific wants, needs, and circumstances. To me your mom’s comment was slightly out of line, though I’m sure she meant well.
Post # 12
@ForeverBirds: Well I do still live at home and they still support me.
But it was just so cute! And I wouldn’t have gotten it if I wasn’t using my employee discount.
But it’s things like this that make my chest feel tight and make me want to cry. I get on here and see all these designer dresses and complaints of “Oh gosh we only have 3000 for the caterer instead of 4000!”
And I just want to cry. I can’t even live with Fiance yet because we just can’t afford it. My parents still pay my health and car insurance. And they would not if I moved out.
Post # 13
It sounds like a budget could help you out. If you’ve planned your spending and what money is going to debt repayment you might feel better about having some spending money, as it’s separate from what was allocated to paying off the debt. Maybe you’ve done this already though?
You’ll probably feel better when you have a job again!
Post # 14
@AB Bride: I lost my job and was told it was because I was seasonal.
Some drama happened where a manager’s wallet was stolen. She told everyone that it was me, she was pressing charges against me and that she did a background check and there were 2 warrants out for my arrest.
A whole bunch of lies and gossip. No idea why she targeted me.
Anyway I was taken off the schedule (no one told me why) and when I asked the manager on duty for that night said, “That’s how seasonal works.”
Well before the drama I was told I was staying past seasonal. So.. that makes me feel even MORE useless.
I’ve been with Fiance for nearly 8 years. I’m tired of phone calls and webcams at night. 🙁
Post # 15
@AB Bride: Forgot to say that I have budgeted. The only reason I’ve gotten my loan down so quickly is because I would put almost all of my paycheck towards my loan. My actual payments start on the 27th and I’m absolutely terrified D:
Post # 16
Honestly it sounds like you may have trouble managing your anxiety. I get anxious just reading your posts :). I have some background in mental health and it may be beneficial to see a doctor about medication and/or therapy to help you manage this anxiety. And I say all this with th upmost respect and as someone who also deals with anxiety.