(Closed) How do you deal with constant buyer's remorse?

posted 5 years ago in Money
Post # 3
Hostess
8579 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

We don’t really spend a whole lot of money on ourselves. We pay our bills first, set aside gas/other money [like morning coffee or a dinner out], and buy groceries. Whatever is left we take 1/2 [which is usually around $700], and put it in the wedding fund, or buy things for the wedding. The other half is spend on “wants”. But we don’t go crazy with it.

Post # 5
Member
6210 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

I think it will get better once the loan is gone. I don’t suffer from this, but one of my dear friends does. Her solution is to almost never buy anything

Post # 7
Member
4035 posts
Honey bee

@Chrysoberyl:  I used to deal with this because I am a penny pincher. But it started to negatively affect my relationship to the point that everything I or Fiance bought bothered me.

Here’s what I learned to do: decide what I need/value and why I need it. If the purchase is going to add value to my life and I need it (and the price is reasonable), then I do not regret purchasing it. If it is a frivolous item and doesn’t mean anything to me at the end of the day (i.e., a starbucks coffee when a free cup at work will do just fine), then I do not purchase it.

It took a while, but I have also learned to just simply breathe and let my anxiety go when certain things come up. For example, Fiance thinks he needs to buy popcorn and soda at the movies every time (about $10) and I used to have a heart attack! Why? Because it costs too much and it doesn’t appeal to me….but it means something to him and he enjoys it during his moving going experience.

Hope this helps?!?!

ETA: We both owe money on student loans…I owe $6k and he owes $30k…so I know what you mean about paying those down, rather than spending money on other things. At the end of the day, what good is your life if you are going to stress over every last cent?

Post # 8
Member
1224 posts
Bumble bee

I have a thing I do where I walk out of the store without buying something. If I’m still thinking about it a day or two later, I obviously REALLY wanted it so I go back and get it. But I had an issue with buying stuff, getting home, then realizing I really didn’t want it in the first place- I just bought it cause it was there/pretty/on clearance/only $5/etc. (Now though I can pinch a penny until it screams for mercy and turns into a nickel lol).

That aside, you need to step back and remind yourself that just because you have debt does not mean every last dime you get has to go to it. You are still allowed to treat yourself to something you want occasionally. No matter what, you will probably spend all of your life with SOMETHING you could put the money towards- house payment, car payment, loans, retirement savings, college funds for children, emergency savings, holiday money- but that doesn’t mean you have to live your life second-guessing every purchase or live a Spartan lifestyle because you want to hurry up and pay this debt or hurry up and save X Amount. Don’t beat yourself up over it hon 🙂 (Obviously this is all within reason and I am in no way saying don’t pay your bills or get behind on your loans- but once you’ve paid that monthly payment, technically anything you add to it is extra. It is a good thing to work to become debt free as soon as possible, but don’t let that one objective control your whole life. You definitely need to find a balance between the two)

Post # 9
Member
6210 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

@Chrysoberyl:  wow okay, that’s going overboard. Use the gift from your mom, if she got you clothes, you wouldn’t return them, would you??

Post # 11
Member
1224 posts
Bumble bee

@Chrysoberyl:   Even though she means well, it’s not her place to comment on the spending. The question on the centerpiece is whether it makes YOU happy. If she’d never voiced her opinion, would you have ever regretted the purchase? This is exactly what I mean by balance. Not that you’re not allowed any frivolous or decorative purchases, but that you shouldn’t go overboard and should choose wisely based on your specific wants, needs, and circumstances. To me your mom’s comment was slightly out of line, though I’m sure she meant well.

Post # 13
Member
10567 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

It sounds like a budget could help you out.  If you’ve planned your spending and what money is going to debt repayment you might feel better about having some spending money, as it’s separate from what was allocated to paying off the debt.  Maybe you’ve done this already though?

You’ll probably feel better when you have a job again!

Post # 16
Member
406 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Honestly it sounds like you may have trouble managing your anxiety. I get anxious just reading your posts :). I have some background in mental health and it may be beneficial to see a doctor about medication and/or therapy to help you manage this anxiety. And I say all this with th upmost respect and as someone who also deals with anxiety.

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