(Closed) How do you deal with finances?

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Hostess
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Are you sure that you have to check with eachother over everything?  My husband and I can spend x amount in a month and if we want to spend more than that, or make a big purchase, we need to discuss it.  That way you still feel independant and can make your own choices without asking permission for everything.

Also, you didn’t really say but I think that the two fo you should have ‘state of the finances’ meetings in order to see how you are doing on the budget and other ways to cut back if necessary.

Post # 4
Member
5670 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

I handle it all and he spends nothing. I know it doesn’t usually work this way but it’s perfect for us. Any purchase he makes he usually checks in to see in there is money and in which account. But since I have control over the money he never sees what I spend and he doesn’t ask. I pay the bills, food shop etc. so to him as long as the checks don’t bounce he could care less. This drives me crazy because he doesn’t worry about money as much but all in all it’s working for us.

I am not an advocate for seperate accounts cause I just think you are in this together, but it sounds like in your case it might work if you have a seperate account for spending money.

Post # 5
Member
3564 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

My Fiance and I also share all our money, but we don’t feel like we need to check with each other on purchases, unless it’s something big (like Fiance ordered 6 bottles of wine from this vineyard, and he “checked” with me that the $500 cost was okay). Have you guys DECIDED that you need to check with each other before every purchase? Or do you just feel guilty if you don’t check? It also depends how much extra spending you guys are doing. You say you love to shop–are you dropping like $200 a week on clothes? Or like $200 a month on purchases? And how does that money you spend fit into your budget? Is the money you’re spending becoming a strain on your budget, or does it fit in easily? Sorry, lol. Lots of questions! But it’s important to bring up to him how you’re feeling–you don’t want to continue feeling guilty and you don’t want either of you to resent the other person. Shared money CAN work, it just takes lots of talking about everything to figure out how each person can be comfortable.

Post # 6
Member
5670 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

Do you guys also discuss finance freely and know how much extra money you have each month after all expenses are covered? Right now things are very tight for us so we know that there isn’t a lot of extra funds so if Fiance went out and spent $500 I would lose it because our bills wouldn’t get paid. Maybe sit down and look at your budget and see how much you make, how much your expenses are, and once you see what’s left you might be able to decide how much spending money the two of you have each month.

Post # 7
Member
572 posts
Busy bee

I am in the same boat with roxy. We have our own personal checking accounts and then we have a joint savings and checkings. Boyfriend or Best Friend will give me money twice a month that I pay all the bills with and I put whatever is left over from both of us pay the bills into our savings account. I am responsible for paying everything and as long as all the bills are paid he doesnt ask questions.

Post # 8
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Isn’t the point of having a personal account so you can spend it comfortably? What if you use X amount from your personal account and label it “whatever i want” money. Then when you go shopping, you use that. When you say you want to go shopping….are you talking dropping $500 in one spot or what?

Financials are tricky and this is a big reason Darling Husband and I still have some separate money. I don’t want to know his personal money biz and when I go shopping (like i am doing after work), i’m just going and I’ll get what I need. That’s sort of the beauty of having a personal account.

BUT, if your shopping is out of control and you literally go just go to and spend money, that’s not good, either. I’m going b/c i have a gift to buy. So i can see that he does have a point on wanting to save money.

Post # 9
Member
1927 posts
Buzzing bee

My husband and I share all of our money and like Hilsy we only check with each other when making a large purchase.  It’s “our” money and I don’t feel that I need to ask his permission to go shopping or to spend money on a girls night out and he would never expect me to (even though his income is about 5 times what mine is). We are lucky in that I can easily manage our finances because I work at the financial instituation where are our accounts are held.. but he takes and avid interest in managing our cash flow and investments as well.  We are a team in everything, I don’t think money should be any different.

Post # 10
Member
529 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I think I’m just like you @almsotSLC – I’m totally a spender.  That why my husband and I HAVE to have separate accounts.  I don’t want to have to ask him everytime I go shopping (which is all the time) and he doesn’t want to see his money going “down the drain”.

We each have our own checkings accounts, and then we have a joint checking account.  Ahead of time, we figured out how much money we’d need to pay our joint bills (mortgage, cable, electricity, gas, water, sewage, phones, groceries) and determined what percent we’d both have to contribute to have enough.  Then we upped the percentage some more so that we’d TOGETHER have extra money.  So we each put 70% of our paychecks into our joint account, and 30% goes into our separate accounts.  Then I can do whatever I want with my 30% and he can do whatever he wants with his.  It just so happens, he doesn’t spend his money, so now he has a lot of HIS money, while I don’t have a ton of MY money.  But we also don’t have to argue about money because we know the joint account is for joint expenses (and joint vacations) and the separate accounts are so we can each do our own thing.

Post # 11
Member
1927 posts
Buzzing bee

@Adira.. I’m interested to know.. what if you and your husband wanted to make a large purchase like a house or a car… would you expect him to put down a larger portion of the down payment because he has saved?  I think it’s awesome that you guys have come up with a system that makes you both comfortable (it’s your money after all).. I’m just curious.

Post # 12
Member
114 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I’m also a shopaholic but thats why I manage the money. I like knowing how much I can spend and when. I update my checkbook and take a look at my budget spreadsheet daily so I know how much money we have every single day. Fiance isn’t a huge spender so he checks with me before he makes a purchase unless it’s for gas or something little. Being the “accountant” in our relationship has helped me to control my spending but I never feel deprived, maybe because I’m the one in control? 

Post # 13
Member
990 posts
Busy bee

we basically have no choice but to pay off all of our credit cards and pay all bills first and then worry about how much money we have left over to spend on other things.

Post # 14
Member
2395 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

Darling Husband and I have separate bank accounts for logistical reasons (he has a satellite bank that doesn’t have a physical location and my job doesn’t do direct deposits, so I need a physical location)…After all the bills are paid and the money is allocated to the different savings funds we’ve set up, we can kind of do what we want with the money (even though it’s not alot).  We do check in with eachother if a purchase is going to be over $100.  It works well.  We want to be 100% debt free (except a mortgage) by the time we start trying for kids in 2 years, so we have a very big goal hanging over our heads that has a timeline in the somewhat near future…so that keeps us motivated not to spend a whole lot.

Post # 15
Member
9 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Its definitely tough and it might make sense to set aside a certain amount of money you can spend without checking in.  But, it sounds to me that its not your FH that is making you feel trapped, its just having a budget in general.  If you aren’t used to budgetting your money and now all of a sudden you can’t spend as much as you want (not necessarily because of FH but because you are concentrating on saving for the wedding, etc.) that can also lead to feelings of being “trapped.”  In that circumstance, you should try to find other ways to treat or entertain yourself that don’t cost as much – cooking or baking, getting into a new author, tv series, or movie, etc.  It can be hard being on a budget for the first time!

Post # 16
Member
2066 posts
Buzzing bee

It sounds like you are more upset because you are on a budget for the first time – ever.  And sharing that budget with Fiance is compounding the problem because he can hold you accountable.

This might sound obvious, but your budget should be tied to some goals – like paying for the wedding, becoming debt free, etc, etc.  Focus on the goal when you are getting frustrated about being on a budget. 

Fiance and I plan to use the site mint.com when we are married to track our spending, savings, debt, etc.  Right now, we just maintain seperate accounts. 

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