(Closed) How do you deal with household chores?

posted 9 years ago in Relationships
Post # 31
Member
77 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Yeah, we’re having some trouble with this. We just moved into a home we bought together, and though we’ve been living together for almost 3 years, it seems different now.

I do all the cooking, all the kitchen cleaning, the bathrooms, take the garbage out, do the dishes, sweep, make the bed, do sheets/towels/other joint laundry, mop and tidy the entire place. He does his own laundry – most of the time.

He vaccums the area rug, tidies his ‘area’ of the house and that’s about it. He’s been doing things like replacing light fixtures, hanging shelves, etc lately, so I’m willing to give him a pass. FOR NOW.

It’s a new frustration, and I feel we’re about to hit the “I”m your future wife, not your mother, get off your *ss and do something!” point. 

I don’t really get it – in our rental, he did most of the cleaning, we split the cooking, and I washed the dishes because he hated it. Now I seem to be doing all the work. Suspicious. 

Post # 32
Member
181 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I do most of the cleaning. Laundry, ironing, bathrooms, kitchen, floors, vacuum, dusting. Making of the bed, tidying, cooking.

He does the “manly” things as he calls it – changing the lighbulbs, installing things if needed, garbage/recycling out. He will help me if I ask or if he sees I’m having a hard time balancing it during that week (I work PT). He has no issues doing them. He will check my bike to see my tires are good, make sure I have gas if I’m driving etc. 

I like it this way because it’s just part of taking care after the other person and we are pretty traditional in that sense.

Post # 32
Member
181 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I do most of the cleaning. Laundry, ironing, bathrooms, kitchen, floors, vacuum, dusting. Making of the bed, tidying, cooking.

He does the “manly” things as he calls it – changing the lighbulbs, installing things if needed, garbage/recycling out. He will help me if I ask or if he sees I’m having a hard time balancing it during that week (I work PT). He has no issues doing them. He will check my bike to see my tires are good, make sure I have gas if I’m driving etc. 

I like it this way because it’s just part of taking care after the other person and we are pretty traditional in that sense.

Post # 33
Member
1941 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

We had a talk this morning and we agreed to a chore list. I know it sounds petty, but since we’ve been married and built our home, I do everything. Laundry, bills, cleaning, lawn care (to 5 freaking acres), grocery shopping, etc. You name it I do it which at first I didn’t mind and felt it was fair bc I work 3 12 hr shifts a week while my hubs can pull in 60 hr work weeks, but at the same time sometimes he’s home by 1 pm. I’m tired and as I’m about to start the final phase of my RN degree and we are beginning the adoption process it’s only fair that he steps up. I love my hubs but he’s a list kinda guy and just doesn’t think of doing things bc it needs to be done. I blame my Mother-In-Law for that. It hasn’t caused tooany fights just my usual meltdown when I’m hitting my 3rd night in a row of work on about 6 hrs sleep total and the house is a mess. I sleep and relax better in a clean house! I hope the list works!

Post # 34
Member
6659 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

DH and I actually just fought about this recently! Basically he doesn’t think I’ve been pulling my weight so to speak with the general neatening/organizing of our household. Which is easy for him to say because he actually has ADHD and everything ha to be PERFECT in order for him to not feel stressed. Like he will walk over to me and I think he’s about to kiss me, but instead he straightens the remote sitting on the couch next ot me.. that I’m about to pick up and use..

So anyway, I told him to pound sand and if he doesn’t like my level of neatness then he can shove it because I’m pretty darn neat. Also, I was mad that he let several instances go by without saying anything and kind of exploded it all out at once with no warning. I literally had no idea it had been bothering him so you aren’t allowed to go from 0-100, you have to say something at 30. You know?

Anyway, for the most part my job is to clean the bathroom and kitchen and do all the food shopping and cooking and my DH does all the vacuuming, windexing and dusting, trash duty, and he puts dishes into the dishwasher after dinner. We only live in a 1 bedroom apt so there isn’t much more than that. Back when we lived in a hell hole that got SUPER dusty all the time, I also vacummed all the furniture and surfaces with our Oreck hand held vacuum, but now that isn’t necessary esp with our air purifiers.

But honestly my jobs take a LOT longer than his, they are much more time consuming. We live in a really small space and only 1 level so vacuuming takes about 10 minutes. And we live in a full service builiding with a trash room on every floor, so it’s right outside our door. And let’s not fool ourselves here, food shopping and cooking takes WAY longer than rinsing off dishes and placing them in the dishwasher. All that time I spend in the store and kitchen, he is playing his guitar and surfing the internet, just relaxing. And on weekends when we clean together, by the time I’m done scrubbing the bathroom and kitchen he’s been done his stuff for about 30 minutes already. So in my opinion he has no right to complain 🙂

Post # 35
Member
321 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Yeah, we have cleaning issues too, in that I clean and he doesn’t.  Well, to be fair, he’ll pick up some stuff on a daily basis, and keep “his” stuff picked up, generally, indicating that what’s left is “my” mess (wedding stuff, genrally or laundry), so yeah.  We have issues.  I have to practically beg him to do anything, and when he brings it up later, he says it’s because of one of his injuries (back and knee) that he couldn’t help (I see a steaming pile of BS here), so yeah.  He also cites his working more (he works a 4-10 shift) as a reason.  I feel you.

Post # 36
Member
2870 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

View original reply
@MissGreen: congrats on your 1000th post!

We are also a chore list family. 

I always have laundry, he always has the lawn & trash

For the major chores we argued about we now alternate. You either have the kitchen & watering flowers or the litterboxes & living room.

Post # 37
Member
437 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

My fiance is a restaurant manager. His hours are always long (at least 50 or 60 hours a week). My job isn’t quite as demanding, so I pick up the majority of the chores. For the most part, I don’t mind it.

Occasionally, when I’m having an overwhelming week, I’ll ask him to help me and he usually does.

Post # 38
Member
1667 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

View original reply
@CorgiTales: you are pretty much saying everything that I am also going through with my husband right now. Same annoyances about cleaning, and same fears on the “what if we have kids” question

Post # 39
Member
189 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

View original reply
@Entangled: love it!

The topic ‘How do you deal with household chores?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors