(Closed) How do you deal with immorality?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 76
Member
1407 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I don’t think that what you did is unusual or a sign that you are psychopath.

I was in a situation where I wanted to warn other women about a man I had been involved with. Hated to see him play his same game with them.

Sadly, it is very difficult to do. Most won’t believe until they have seen his true colors themselves.

Post # 77
Member
239 posts
Helper bee

Annonnie89:  A bunch of people are saying you shouldn’t be snoopin, none of your busines, ect ect ect. Well you should not have obviously you know that and you obviously already said you weren’t saying anything thus, you know it’s not your business. I agree that it’s hard to be aware of something like that and be in those shoEd, even if you stepped into them yourself. I have such a hard time with that stuff too. What goes around comes around and both him and your ex will get theirs. Just try to stay strong. If you BY CHANCE (not purposely) meet this woman, I would say something. She could become a very lonely woman in her marriage because of this and I agree! What is wrong with people??? Stupid cheating unfaithful idiots. 

Also to those saying things like ‘she is a grown woman blah blah blah’ it doesn’t matter how grown you are, you can still be lied o/deceived, cheated on, and hurt. She’s quite possibly unaware. And it’s a very sad thing. Best of luck!! 🙁

Post # 78
Member
953 posts
Busy bee

For the record..I read immortality and was wondering if someone read twilight too much.

Post # 79
Member
7371 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Annonnie89:  is it really Facebook stalking to look at someone’s Facebook page? I’m so confused about where the boundaries lie.

But previously you wrote: Annonnie89:  I’ve tried to not cyber stalk my ex, but occasionally I get a bad itch to do it. Tonight, I Facebook stalked him.

So clearly you know the answer to the question, no? Feigning ignorance when its in printed form is kind of silly. Why get upset people with calling your behavior stalking when YOU stated it as such? Weird.

But I digress. I agree with the previous PP who said this doesn’t involve you. Focus on yourself and things that are within you control.

 

Post # 80
Member
7371 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Before technology, how else would the OP have gotten this information?

Just because technology has made it easy for people to offer glimpes into their lives doesn’t mean its not ‘stalker’ish. You did it own it. 

Post # 81
Member
3586 posts
Sugar bee

Annonnie89:  i think you just need to keep your nose out of this one. Both your ex and Mark are history and this girl could have known him and very well been dating him On a on and off again relationship. Either way whatever the case may be it is really not your place to go stir up drama. You don’t know if he has confessed to her and before you can say, no i don’t think so because he is that type of guy i am going to say you don’t k ow what he has and hasn’t done so butt out. As mentioned if you contact this chick you will just look like marks friends crazy ex. 

Post # 82
Member
6443 posts
Bee Keeper

Annonnie89:  Stay out of it.  Either have someone talk to her that’s not you and have her tested, because honestly there isn’t really anything you can do.  If you came up to me and said “Hey your Fiance is a cheating asshat” I’d probably think you were off your rocker especially after what I’ve “heard” about you.  True or not, you’re on the wrong side of this.  She may not believe you because of what her Fiance said and what your ex said.

Post # 83
Member
1462 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

Annonnie89:  I think that maybe you’re empathizing here with Lily because you went through something similar with your ex, assuming that Lily isn’t also a psychopath cheater. That’s why you feel so strongly about the immorality of it all and wish you could do something.

One of my exes was pretty much a psychopath cheater and it was incredibly hard for me to deal with not only the cheating itself, but how he went about the whole thing and reacted afterward. I felt helpless and angry and I drafted multiple emails to people he knew, wanting to tell them about his monstrosities that he hid so well. I kept on imagining revenge scenarios to hurt him. But of course I never went through with anything. In the end, nothing would have changed what he did to me and feeling good about it would have only been temporary.

I guess my point is to remember that you can’t change what Mark did to your friends but you can control how you think and react to the situation. I’m sure your therapist might have said something similar! I think that it might help to write an imaginary letters to Lily and Mark. Just don’t send the letters, hehe.

Post # 84
Member
319 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2015 - Old Mill Boathouse

Throwing out a completely wild idea here…. Maybe Lily met Mark in 2009 and has secretly in her head been in a relationship with him the whole time but not *really* and when they did get together finally she’s validating her own fantasy and now it’s all real and it doesn’t really matter to her that it’s not been real at all and he thinks it’s hilarious and awesome that some girl has secretly been in love with him for years aussaging his narcisistic tendencies and they will go on to have a bunch of cats and one parrot who will tell Mark he’s pretty everyday making his need to date other women a thing of the past because really he only just wants to be loved deep deep down?

 

Thought this thread could use some humor.  Boop.

Post # 85
Member
1770 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

OP, I think you should let this go.  Their business is their business and just because her website says 2009 doesn’t mean anything.  My facebook says my birthday is 1955 and I’m only 24.  Sometimes people just put things down on the internet and it’s not always factual.  I think since you are no longer with your ex-fiance, you should stay out of it.  Don’t cause unnessecary drama. There are so many variables here that you are simply not aware of and you’re only causing yourself additional stress.

Post # 86
Member
730 posts
Busy bee

I first read it as “immortality” too, and was wondering who has managed to escape dealing with mortality!

 

happenstance:  I’ll play. Lilly seems like the stereotype of the “good christian girl,” but she’s actually a wild, tattooed polygamist. She still considers herself a good christian, just not the stereotypical kind. She started dating Mark in 2008 or whenever, but he wasn’t her main thing until quite recently, so he downplayed it and sought out other women to fill the emotional void. His love for Lilly never faltered, though, and the OP’s friends were just kind of boring. One day, Lilly gave Mark a bit of a promotion, and agreed to become his wife so long as she could keep a few side BFs.

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 7 months ago by  Nontra.
Post # 87
Member
584 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

SHE SPECIFICALLY SAID SHE WASN’T GOING TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT, JUST THAT IT WAS BOTHERING HER. Holy crap, people.

Post # 88
Member
7977 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

… am I the only one here who is genuinely amazed at the number of people who admit to facebook stalking an ex? I mean… how does that idea even OCCUR to someone? You’re doing your ironing and you get a bit bored and you think “hmmm… maybe I could have a cup of tea… or maybe I could cyber stalk my ex BF?”. This idea would literally never even have occurred to me. Why would anybody do this? Nothing good can ever come from it, clearly.

On a different note, this girl will never believe anything OP tells her, and OP will come off as completely around the bend if she tries to make contact with her, so I wouldn’t touch this ****** up **** with a barge pole. This definitely comes under the category of “not my problem”.

OP, my advice is to open a bottle of wine and have a long drink. Then block/delete all online accounts which you have, from which you could be inspired to snoop. Every time you are tempted to cyber stalk, repeat the process, and be glad that you had a lucky escape…

Post # 89
Member
319 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2015 - Old Mill Boathouse

Nontra:  I read it as immortality to and was like…whaaat vampries!

On that note Mark and Lilly sound really good together.  I kind of want a TV show about them, but like it wouldn’t be one I’d be willing to wait for week by week it would have to be one of those full season releases on Net Flix.  I’d loose interest too quickly if I had to wait. 

Rachel631:  I won’t lie, I’ve seen an ex comment on something on a mutual friend’s page and I’ve clicked to see what’s up wtih him, but I don’t obsess over it.  I got played out as the super bad guy when we broke up (I was not strong enough to carry the emotional burden of somebody who was clinically depressed that eventually lead to the realization (long after we broke up) that their depression stemmed from a Gender transitional situation and he seems now much happier), but when it ended between us, he played it out like I was this horrible person.  I certianly didn’t feel good about breaking up with him not knowing what was wrong, but I knew personally I was spirialling because of his depression and I had to get out (after multiple attempts of trying to get him to go to therapy with no result).  I know I look in on him now just to see him doing better, and it makes me happy he is, even if our relationship is nonexistant. 

Post # 90
Member
3223 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Annonnie89:  “I’m am worried for her, but the truth is I’m more disgusted by the deception towards me.”

Since your “concern” is more accurately rooted in revenge, it’s obvious telling this girl would be selfish on your part. Don’t tell her. And you self described your actions as facebook stalking, so why are you trying to deny it’s stalking/weird/creepy now? I definitely creep on facebook sometimes, but I will be the first to admit it’s stalkerish. And I definitely wouldn’t go ruining someone’s relationship over something I found while on FB for the sake of revenge. 

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