(Closed) How do you deal with ‘passive-aggression’?

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
3125 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I wish there was an answer! I don’t do well with people that have motives or passive aggressive behavior. There was a girl in my sorority that was SO so PA that I think it actually helped create my response – saying exactly what was on MY mind, and not worrying about what they thought, and hearing what they actually thought. I’d rather almost provoke a person like that to give a straight answer, rather than wonder what they’re thinking.

Post # 4
Member
5263 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

It depends on the person, but either way I despise passive aggressiveness. I wish people would just be more direct! 

If a really close friend or family member acts that way, I usually call them out. If it’s extended family or someone I don’t get along well with, though I tend to, er, do the same thing back. It’s like I can’t be the bigger person. We have had huge issues with our roommate being that way this year, and it’s so hard to fight back against because she KNOWS how to avoid being called out. She will literally make herself scarce and just send little texts, etc, with the offending comments. 

Post # 5
Member
1104 posts
Bumble bee

I call them on it, if we are close. If we aren’t, I will ignore it and make a note not to be their friend – I don’t like it either! However, I can be totally PA sometimes. Funnily enough, I prefer to be called on it too bc it forces me to find new ways of dealing with things and encourages me to be more honest and direct.

Post # 6
Member
2006 posts
Buzzing bee

I’ll fess up, I’m the passive-aggressive one! To be fair, I am working on being more direct and open but it’s a work in progress :p

How to deal with people like me? Confront me directly about the problem! I have little problem with confrontation as long as I’m not the one who starts it.

Post # 7
Member
555 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I tend to avoid the PA thing like the plague. If I find myself “friends” with people like that I suddenly see less and less of them until eventually the friendship dissolves. I’m 34, at this point in life I’m guessing you know your quirks and dramas and don’t need me to point them out for you so I don’t see the need to try and address it head on. If, however, it’s a business situation or something like that I find PA people tend to be dealt with best by doing just that dealing with it head on ASAP. Luckily I find that I sit back in new situations and soak everything in for a couple of weeks so I observe and can see it (usually) before hand so I have a heads up but either way. Face it head on and address the issue, if you give someone an inch they’ll usually take a mile.

Post # 8
Member
7771 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I like straight-forward people.  Unfortunately, there are predominately women in my family, all of who exhibit constant passive-aggressive behavior.  Or, just aggressive-aggressive behavior.  It is difficult.  I have to be brave, find courage, and confront them as gently as possible.  Confronting someone in a non-threatening way is the best way I know to deal with it. 

And, please be kind with these people.  Most of them probably were raised around that environment, maybe they don’t know they are doing it, maybe they don’t know another way, maybe they are just scared of confrontation.  Just be the brave one, talk it out.  When people do it on purpose, or in front of others, it really makes me boil, so I try to confront them in private, or call them out right there.

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