Post # 1
I’m opening up this conversation regarding both friends and family. I feel like almost everyone knows someone who is passive-aggressive, whether it be in person, on Facebook, or through the rumor mill. Maybe you are that person who can’t seem to face conflict and does so indirectly. Either way, I’d like to get some read as to how people feel about passive-agressive behavior and to what level they allow it to affect them.
For me, I’m very open and want that level of sharing/directness in my close friendships and relationship. Guessing about what other people feel gives me major anxiety (I know, I have issues) to the point where worrying about it becomes my only focus at times. For that reason, I’m not terribly close to anyone who exhibits that sort of behavior.
Anyone with comments or advice on this topic? Do you feel like it’s just the way some people are ‘made’ – in the same way that I am an open book? Success or failure blending these two personality types?
Post # 3
I wish there was an answer! I don’t do well with people that have motives or passive aggressive behavior. There was a girl in my sorority that was SO so PA that I think it actually helped create my response – saying exactly what was on MY mind, and not worrying about what they thought, and hearing what they actually thought. I’d rather almost provoke a person like that to give a straight answer, rather than wonder what they’re thinking.
Post # 4
It depends on the person, but either way I despise passive aggressiveness. I wish people would just be more direct!
If a really close friend or family member acts that way, I usually call them out. If it’s extended family or someone I don’t get along well with, though I tend to, er, do the same thing back. It’s like I can’t be the bigger person. We have had huge issues with our roommate being that way this year, and it’s so hard to fight back against because she KNOWS how to avoid being called out. She will literally make herself scarce and just send little texts, etc, with the offending comments.
Post # 5
I call them on it, if we are close. If we aren’t, I will ignore it and make a note not to be their friend – I don’t like it either! However, I can be totally PA sometimes. Funnily enough, I prefer to be called on it too bc it forces me to find new ways of dealing with things and encourages me to be more honest and direct.
Post # 6
I’ll fess up, I’m the passive-aggressive one! To be fair, I am working on being more direct and open but it’s a work in progress :p
How to deal with people like me? Confront me directly about the problem! I have little problem with confrontation as long as I’m not the one who starts it.
Post # 7
I tend to avoid the PA thing like the plague. If I find myself “friends” with people like that I suddenly see less and less of them until eventually the friendship dissolves. I’m 34, at this point in life I’m guessing you know your quirks and dramas and don’t need me to point them out for you so I don’t see the need to try and address it head on. If, however, it’s a business situation or something like that I find PA people tend to be dealt with best by doing just that dealing with it head on ASAP. Luckily I find that I sit back in new situations and soak everything in for a couple of weeks so I observe and can see it (usually) before hand so I have a heads up but either way. Face it head on and address the issue, if you give someone an inch they’ll usually take a mile.
Post # 8
I like straight-forward people. Unfortunately, there are predominately women in my family, all of who exhibit constant passive-aggressive behavior. Or, just aggressive-aggressive behavior. It is difficult. I have to be brave, find courage, and confront them as gently as possible. Confronting someone in a non-threatening way is the best way I know to deal with it.
And, please be kind with these people. Most of them probably were raised around that environment, maybe they don’t know they are doing it, maybe they don’t know another way, maybe they are just scared of confrontation. Just be the brave one, talk it out. When people do it on purpose, or in front of others, it really makes me boil, so I try to confront them in private, or call them out right there.