(Closed) How do you deal with people who disapprove of your engagement/marriage?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

My aunt was horrified when I got engaged, especially to a Catholic.  She was convinced I was throwing my life away and I would be perpetually pregnant, barefoot, and residing in the kitchen.  She has made him promise about five times that I won’t drop out of college.  Mind you, she’s not making ME promise that I won’t drop out of college, but making him promise that.  Good job at being a feminist, aunt, apparently I can’t control whether I drop out of college but my Fiance can.

It sounds like your friend and your FI’s friend both have bad views of marriage in general which is really good news.  It means that no matter who either of you were marrying, they would have this problem.  Sometimes friends disapprove because they think that we’re choosing the wrong person for some reason or that we’re not ready to be married; in this case, they just don’t like marriage and aren’t supporting your choice to be married.

With your friend, I think if you put it in that light it will make her rethink things.  “I love my Fiance, I want to marry him, and even though you tell me I can do what I want I feel like you’re being really unsupportive.  What do you think will change when I get married?  Is there some reason you don’t support my choice to marry this man?” 

With his friend, I bet he’s been married before.  He sounds bitter and since he’s the older friend he probably thinks of himself as being a mentor of sorts.  Your Fiance can say “I’m not comfortable hitting on other women.  I am extremely happy with my Fiance, and you can bet that she wants to keep me happy for the rest of our lives.”  If he does it in front of you, I think you should just make a joke about aging single men who think they’re cool but are actually just sad and alone.  It would be really mean, but you can say “just kidding!”  But if you do that you should totally be prepared to be called a b***h forever, please don’t really do that if you think it will make things worse, it would just be really funny.  You can also try pre-empting him; make a joke about how you’re about to be tied down to your Fiance.  “Oh no, I know how marriage goes, soon I’ll be chained to the stove, unless my husband can’t get up from the couch to get himself a beer while football’s on, then I’m allowed to leave the kitchen for the ten seconds it takes to get there!  Ha, just kidding!”  Maybe if you’re the one making the jokes, it’ll steal his thunder and he won’t want to or will realize how stupid those jokes get after awhile.

You can’t expect either of them to change, but you should be really happy that no one seems to disapprove of you or your Fiance, they just disapprove of marriage for reasons that are so deep there’s nothing you can really do to help them except give them an example of a marriage that works really well.

Post # 4
2104 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I hang up on my sister when she starts talking about how I should divorce my DH–her only grounds for such an argument is “marriage is stupid.”

Post # 5
2254 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’m sorry you ladies are going through with this. If someone was not supportive of my fabulous Fiance, you can bet I would have nothing to do with them.


Post # 6
1798 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

My best friend was very unsupportive when my H and I got engaged. I basically told him that I appreciate his opinion, but at that time in my life I needed support and not judgement. He refused to be supportive and kept telling me that I was making a huge mistake, so I had to cut him off. It wasn’t fun losing a close friend, but I didn’t want to be around someone who refused to support my marriage

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